Why Relationships Can Survive Infidelity, And What You Can Do To Help

An affair isn’t merely a betrayal of trust; it can sometimes be a sign that something is fundamentally broken with your relationship, regardless of whether it was initiated by the other party or not. There are many reasons why someone might have an affair besides simply being “not ready for commitment” or having “unfinished business” from a previous relationship (or relationships). A simple Google search on why people cheat leads to articles like this:

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The Psychology Behind Cheating

Why do people cheat? It’s a question that’s fascinated us for thousands of years, with countless stories and theories at our disposal. The hero cheats on his wife with the exotic foreigner before he goes off to slay the dragon, the unfaithful husband is a mainstay of sitcoms, and the jilted mistress is a staple of tabloid newspapers. But how much of this is based on fact and how much of it is simply fiction? There is no easy answer to this question. Research has shown that there are a wide range of factors that can contribute to infidelity. Some of these include our early experiences with relationships, personality traits, stress levels, and how our bodies are conditioned to react to sex. Over the years, researchers have developed a number of theories about why people cheat:

Commitment Issues

Some people never outgrow their childhood need for novelty and excitement in their lives. They might fall in love with other people simply because those relationships bring them new emotions and experiences. An unfaithful person may have issues with commitment because s/he does not know how to give themselves fully to one person, or because s/he is afraid of being trapped by the responsibilities of a long-term relationship. Commitment issues can also stem from childhood trauma or from a narcissistic parent who always made their child feel that s/he was not worthy of being loved.

Unhappiness Together

When you’re unhappy with your life, your relationships are often the first thing to suffer. You may feel dissatisfied with your partner, or resent the fact that you have to share your time with another person. You might be unhappy with the way your relationship is going, and feel that having an affair might give your life a much-needed boost. Unhappiness in a relationship often occurs because both partners are unhappy.

Sexual Desire Differences

When you fall in love, your brain releases all sorts of chemicals that make you feel happy and relaxed. If you are with a person whose sexual chemistry and desires are similar to yours, you can get high on these chemicals for years. But if your partner has different sexual desires, you may be less likely to get high on these chemicals. In that case, other people may look more attractive to you than your partner does.

Boredom And Lack Of Communication

When people fall out of love, they stop communicating with each other. They stop talking about the things that bother them, and they stop sharing their feelings and dreams for the future. They start living parallel lives, going through the motions without truly being engaged with each other. An affair is a cry for help; it’s a way of trying to get your partner’s attention.

Bottom Line

If you’re in a relationship, you’re going to face some tough times. People change, interests shift, and the people we love are human — they are going to make mistakes. If you’re the one who made a mistake, own up to it and be prepared to work hard to make things right again. If you’re the one who was hurt, try to get past the initial pain and focus on how you can move past this experience and make your relationship better than ever.