I finally mustered the courage to get up and be productive.
The first time I tried to participate in a challenge, it did not end well to begin.
As I try to write, I get flashbacks of what reality is.
I see how others are ravaging with smiles and joys as they write.
"But girl why are you here", "You never experienced a mother's joy", "When was the last time
you saw your mom", "These emotions are not for you".
These are the questions that fill my head every year on mother's day.
Yes, I am not oblivious to it, I know I am not like everyone else.
But, just once in my life if only I can feel the joy of having a Mother.
Life wasn't easy on my path, whilst others felt the warm embrace of a gem.
I am subjected to hearing the cries of a narcissist.
I have not seen my mother in over two years and I plan to keep it that way.
But, if ever I am to encounter sorrow again I will like to say,
"I never blamed you for being a child nor did I ever foretold of our paths separate.
Some did their best, you only saw your benefit. I never blamed you for the bruises, I liked the dark you put me into.
You could have been a great mother but your ego pushed away your loved ones.
I didn't care if you loved luxury more than your children, you could have just left us alone. Your absences didn't bother me, sometimes all a kid wants is love, not money.
My bodily scars have healed, at least thank you for treating me. I tried my best to love you, but it never worked as usual.
My presence alone draws my spirit away in anxiety, I was never the same after all the beatings.
Your food was good, yes your clothing was nice, but that was never enough to buy my dignity.
Your selfishness and lies killed a soul, your uncaring heart weakened and troubled many.
Our relationship was always brought into question, your threats played their path well.
You used me for gain, I was no better than a housemaid.
If compared to Cinderella's stepmother would be a saint, you broke your own house by your selfish gains and greed"
I have to forgive you because you were my mother.
I have to obey and endure because my mother is always right to the world.
I have to sacrifice for my happiness.
I had to!!! I just had to!!!!
I always wonder in my head
Every day I concede on this question
Was there an instance?
Or even was there a moment that you considered that I was your child?
I saw my friends with their parents
The many smiles on their faces
My eagerness to know how much a parent's face could bring joy to them
The safeness of a mother's hug
The calmness of her voice
The love in her eyes
Knowing well in myself that it is a joy I shall never share
Even at my adult age I still wonder if things were different
Would I have grown to be more responsible
Maybe I would have been bold to face all my problems
My younger self wished for love
She hoped and trusted that one day it should arrive
Her innocence was her downfall
Committed not by a stranger
But by someone, she thought she could trust
My memories of a mother fade away every day
It sinks faster than the bottomless pit
A strength awakens in me when I am down
Knowing well that the past can not repeat itself again
Somehow in life and against all odds
My past has taught me a valuable lesson
I have come to learn the importance of family
I may not have a family now
But one day I may experience the joy of a daughter's laughter
Or the cheers of a troublemaking son
The love of a husband and the first hugs of a baby
They shall never lack the love of a mother
Nor shall fear ever overcome their life
They will never have to hide at the sound of my voice
I shall be a safe refuge to them
A comfort zone that shall always comfort them
Till that day comes I pray every day and night
Seeking the Lord's guildance in every step I take
I try to set good morals for my life
Forgiveness and grace are what I seek to embrace
I pray that God heals me fully to perfection
I may not be perfect to my siblings
But, one thing they know is that I will always be there
Nothing good comes from boiled up rage and hatred
I decided to free my spirit to achieve all the positives in life
My path may have been sloppy
And now it is not owning my gratitude to my helpers
Just as I had someone to help me in the time of my downfall
I shall open my heart freely to help those in need
My lessons in life are still ongoing
I pray that my generations never experience its terror
Fortunate for them I will always be there
To teach and guide them in all paths of life
To train and nurture their hearts with gentleness
And above all, love them with joy above measure
With my partner beside me
I know that all this shall be fulfiled
Who would have thought a girl of my standard can generate such passion?
This question shall never be answered
My greatest reward is to see my children satisfied with treatures in life
And on my death bed, I shall bless the father who made all this impossible
To bless me with this gift
In happiness, I shall dot on my children's success
Of a joy I never got