Trying a hand

My world came crashing down when I heard what the doctor said to my husband Jan.The exact words were”Jan, you will drop dead any moment from now as your heart can stop beating any moment,hence you need a device fitted to shock your heart when it stops”.We we’re both stunned and could barely speak.

Jan, my loving husband was down with covid for 8 weeks a few months ago and post covid he had a massive heart attack which ended up in severe heart failure and diabetes.This visit to the doctor was after a few months since the heart attack happened which was supposed to be a follow up since the discharge.The reality did not sink into our heads.We held each other’s hands and slowly walked out of the clinic.

We were both sad and dejected because we were young and had so much life ahead of us.We wanted to do a lot of things together like travelling the world,taking part in adventurous sports,bungee jumping,paragliding,skydiving and so on.We never got to do any of it yet.

Once we reached home,I sat Jan down and told him,”Healing starts from within,your mind is the steering wheel of your body so think of good things,things that we want to do,places to visit,people to visit,things to buy and so on.We will have to regulate our diet too which means cutting off the frequency of consuming red meat in a month to once instead of few,no to sweets except for sugar free,cutting down rice recipes and exercising plenty.”

Jan was very emotional and he just couldn’t accept and handle that he could drop dead at any moment.He broke down questioning,”Why did this happen to me?What did I do wrong?”

My Jan was a body builder and it broke my heart to see him crying and broken down.Something within me clicked pushing me forward to stay strong and positive for Jan’s sake.Since we were both young,we were like best friends and we looked up to each other for support and advice.

So to his questions above I answered (me being naughty),”Well,you didn’t treat me right and see now you are suffering”- that sent us both into peals of laughter.This was something we always told each other whenever something didn’t go as planned “it is only because you didn’t treat me right or see,I told you but you wouldn’t listen”.

Since it was lockdown and Jan had a keen interest in taking photos and videos I got him to create a vlog just to keep his mind occupied.He had so many photos and pictures from ages ago kind of collections which he could really patch up for his videos on the vlog.

I have been trying to put a brave front but in reality I had to really depend on my faith and the supernatural being for strength to carry on and not give a hint of what I was going through.We started accepting reality and the fact that it is not our fault that we are going through this.

I started cooking Jan’s favourite dishes but using healthier options.We had frequent visits from the specialist nurses and doctors to keep track of Jan’s physical well-being.We went on long drives,took many photos,edited most of the videos to upload them to YouTube.

Jan’s health improved immensely and he decided not to have the device fitted as it had its own downfalls like risk of infection,change battery every ten years,course of antibiotics and so on.We decided to live our life one day at a time.

I just couldn’t handle editing the video,I tried but my patience ran out so I stopped but Jan became an expert at it with his saintly patience and perseverance.I took up painting instead- the only reason being that I can sit in the same room as Jan watching him edit his video while I paint as I did not want him to be left alone.There was always a niggly feeling that if something happened to Jan(life threatening incident),I wanted to be close by.

I called work explaining my situation and they were happy asking me to take my time to be with Jan.I didn’t want to spend money and start off painting on canvases so I started off by buying acrylic paint and doing little cardboard squares with quotes on.

Initially painting was very interesting-I started off only to keep my mind occupied but the interest was wearing off day by day.Then my Jan suggested,”Honey,why don’t you try recycling?making things beautiful and gifting them to people?”

I had a purpose for picking up painting now.So,I started off by watching YouTube videos to paint bottles and cardboard pieces then I progressed into making tabletop decorations and wall hangings just like threading a needle - the more you practice much better you get at it.I started painting and making things to thank my colleagues for their wonderful support during my time of need.

Jan became my best critic and he would give me his own ideas of what would be nice to see,what design or colours go well together and so on.Eventually Jan’s health improved though he has to take medicines both mentally and physically he is in a good place.Jan became the owner of two YouTube vlogs which kept him occupied and also became the source of his income.

So,Jan became an expert at making videos and editing them while I took up new hobbies like painting and taking photos which gave me a satisfaction and peace which surpassed all the turmoil I had or was going through.

Both painting and photography take my mind of all the bothersome things I had in life.The immense relief and peace I have once I have finished a painting is unexplainable

“Who knows?You might come across my paintings hanging in the galleries or museums or sold internationally “ says Kathy to her husband Jan because she has started to take pride in her work which she started off as a time pass.

Just like threading a needle - the initial frustrations started to wear off and

1.Jan’s mood improved along with his health.

2.Together,we adopted a healthy lifestyle.

3.We took up vlogging,painting and photography as our new hobbies

4.We travelled a lot and have a list of many more things to do.