Tonight

Tonight as I laid my head down on my pillow I started to think about you.

I missed you more than I have in a really long time. I needed you more than ever before. I wanted to fight the thoughts away, but I knew it must be a sign that you wanted to tell me something. So I closed my eyes and thought of you more. I laid there for an hour and all I kept hearing you say was “never give up. Keep pushing Audrey you’re stronger than this. Don’t give up now but don’t over do. Either. Take your time. You know tomorrow isn’t promised and things can change in an instant and your rushing through your life too fast. Breathe, you’re trying too hard, you’re wanting to get pleases in life but you’re not finishing the first step!”

I didn’t know what the first step was so I laid there longer and kept wondering what that first step was and I knew what I needed to do. I got up went to my laptop and worked. But not like I normally do. I worked on putting a schedule together one where I had time to relax rest sleep or just do whatever I wanted because I was forgetting the first step. That first step is happiness.

Without happiness you’ll be standing in the same spot forever you need to find time to be happy with yourself. Don’t work yourself so much that you burn out.

Don’t over work yourself. You have to know when to stop or you’ll burn out fast.

I missed you today. I needed you today. I remember you always telling me to be happy when I was sad because I deserve happiness, and I was losing that in myself. I couldn’t find my own happiness. I was working myself to the very end.

I needed you today and you weren’t here to tell me it was all going to be okay and that I would get through it no matter what.

I missed you today and I couldn’t call you to hear your voice.

I wanted to ask why you were gone. I wanted to question my life all over again but I know you’re happier doing better and you’re happier now.

Today I needed you’re help and you weren’t a phone call away like you promised. I can’t call you and hear your voice.

Today I needed your advice and I could ask you for it. I could only think of what you would do.

It sucks. Life sucks. But I gotta get through it with a smile.

I’m strong. Smart. Beautiful. Amazing and so much more.

I’m not always a positive uplifting person I have my days. I have my moments but I’m trying.

Im trying to be the best friend I can be, the best mom, daughter, sister, girlfriend, granddaughter. Im trying. Im trying to run my businesses while staying positive encourage myself. Im trying to stay healthy and in shape. But staying healthy now seems to be a challenge.

Hurts to move. Hurts to lay down. Stand or sit. My heart seems to think walking is the end of the world or even the slightest movement. My mind seems to be playing tricks on me.

Just because I’m always posting great uplifting nice fun stories doesn’t mean I don’t have those days where it feels like I’m falling back in the hole I climbed out of.

I’m building a life, a mansion, a dream, a family. I’m building it all from scratch. I work hard day in and day out.

I will only encourage you to do the same let me know if you want to join my team with anything I got you back and I’m ready to show you the ropes. I’ll help you every step of the way.