The Imposter Syndrome Is Strong In This One

Introduction

I write these pieces every so often when I feel that my work is rubbish and not worth sharing. One of the reasons I write them is for others who may feel the same, although when you feel like this you feel that you are the only one, despite assurances from peers and friends. So I will leap on without further ado and try to keep positive.

Why I Am Feeling Like This Or Why Am I Feeling Like This?

At Christmas, I watched “The Cleaner” which featured an autistic writer and actor and you can read about it below. This is my second most-read Vocal story but it upset me a little that it has only received six hearts and two comments from Vocal readers for some reason because all my Vocal friends and a lot of my audience are very caring and empathic and many are on the autistic spectrum.

You can read the story below and I would love you to comment on it and possibly the related story that is linked in it “Not Autistic”.

This showed me that autistic people have difficulty deviating from what you see as defined paths and I have that in absolute bucketfuls.

In the Facebook Vocal groups such as Vocal Social Society, Medium And Vocal Support Group and Great Incantations I always look for a thread to post my stories on because I believe my stories do not deserve a solo post as it would mess up the group's main posting area.

There are other groups that work almost solely on solo posting and I can post directly on Facebook for my friends to read.

I also have issues when people who I know decide that I cannot post in their group without their approval (I am ok in groups where I am not close to the admins) but this is another thing that makes me feel unworthy.

Great Incantions and Vocal Social Society are linked groups but the former is for challenge entries and the latter for other Vocal publications and I stick to that because it is a publicly stated expectation so I don't deviate from it, but then see lots of posts just ignoring the rule and I am unable to criticise it because people will tell me that I am being too sensitive about it.

To me, rules are there for a reason, and when most people decide they don't have to follow them, things end up in a mess (in my opinion). Sometimes rules become obsolete and it is time to change.

This week I have had two Top Stories

and

Plus this in Vocal Aspire

So why the hell do I have imposter syndrome, and why do I let it get to me? I know that people respect my work and they read it on Vocal, with over five hundred subscribers and twenty-five thousand reads so I am definitely not unappreciated.

Then another Vocal Challenge comes by and I don't even place which means that my work is not good enough for a challenge and then that metamorphoses into "I am not good enough". Challenges were what brought me to Vocal and I have paid ten dollars a month for my Vocal+ Membersip and not one month since I started on Vocal have I paid them more than they have paid me so I must be doing something right but the devil inside me tells me I am failing when actually I am succeeding.

So What Is My Solution

I keep writing, I comment on pieces, I share the odd solo post but still look for threads (I think they are great for grouping related posts and keep the Facebook groups more compact and navigable), and this is another piece that is getting my feelings out, and hopefully helping others with what I have to say.

I hope this has not been too whingy and whiney and maybe has helped you a little. I will try and drive down a more positive path and know my friends will be there for me.