THE FACE BEHIND THAT GORGEOUS SMILE

My beauty is overrated i would say, my smiles can make a little child shiver and my skin looks like those little pretty black marbles but life is like sitting in a furnace,I know right no one would sit in a furnace and no one would love my life ,right from the start i mean my birth ,my mum staying behind with my pregnancy at only 4 months as my dad passed on.

I have seen my mum hustle day and night for our survival as a woman and a number of those lucky women looking down on her,i have grown seeing the pain in her eyes yet she had to keep a smile on her face to keep us going.She is the leaving hero i know anyway,these fake smile i give, are the only thing that keep me standing for by now i would be shaken.

The struggles i go through as a woman make me wanna bury my head in the sand and act like i don't exist but i have to give all the smile to those give me theirs,this stinging pain i feel ,this loneliness and the boredom i get are continually affecting me,Sometimes i don't see even my own reflection for am focused on how to please people or i won't be liked if i ever say out my thinking.

Sometimes seeing the women of my age having a successful life,marriage and career envies me a lot since to me its just a dream,sometimes i cry under my bed ,wanna call out names for help,but to whom will i cry for because am a mother now and i will never let my child see my crying face for i have to be an example to her of a strong woman.

The insults i get from the public for being a single mum,tears out my heart everyday but i have to pretend that it doesn't hurt for i never let my enemies see me grieve.

I know am not ok ,am not perfect,perhaps I am a cry baby but all in all I am a fighter.

I have hustled like a lion trying to get a catfish from mud but my results are not revealing,day in day out trying out my luck but am like a lonely sheep in the rain,relationship fail,money problems on top of insults is an explainable pain ever. I am so hurt to the extent my heart feels like popping out.Feeling loved is a feeling i have never tasted and being is successful to me is a tag of war. For i dream of being hustle free when everything is falling in line.

I have nightmares for all i see is this shuttered life,I wake up amidst the night thing that am being followed by loan officers for my loans are in loads,I feel helpless ,but the thing is ,this beauty shouldn't be followed with a sad face,I have to smile to everyone for them judge if you are not careful.

The happy ending are what i dream of ,I want to see success,i want to feel happy,i want to let go off my sadness for happiness is what you create by yourself i know but anyway I am trying. The dream for me becoming the best version of mine is all i need and the dream of believing i my beauty is something i would give up everything for that .And for struggling people like me,please never give up for at the end there is hope,hope for all of us to win,Love is all am giving,throw away that pain and be happy.