Family
Motherhood is a Mindf*ck
As I sit down to write this I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to go. It’s completely unplanned but I need to get my emotions down. This is raw and honest motherhood, and this paper I’m writing on is my therapist.
Mumma BloomPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsA gentle melancholy
Raindrops gingerly caress the old wooden walls, a cold kiss against the decaying monument. I sit inside motionless, listening to the barn creak and whine as the weather gently seeps into the cracks and warps it for what seems like the millionth time. With any luck, there’d be a million more.
William AmirPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsThe End of Summer
I write this with tears in my eyes as I am reminded of how fragile that life undeniably is. Time passes us by so quickly and all that it leaves us with are those precious memories. By the time that you read this, I will be long gone. I never thought that I would be writing a letter to the new owners of this most special place. Before you tear it down to make way for a new modern farm, I wanted you to know just how beloved and cherished that this place has always been to me. I hope that you can take some of the magical, nostalgic memories and enlace them into your new life here.
Rebecca Lynn IveyPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsDe Ja Vu & The Black Smoke
I’m about to confess something that I have never told my family. Don’t worry its completely innocent; benign. I’m unsure why it has come back to me now, yet it has always stuck with me for four decades.
J W NelsonPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsThe Sea and The Moon
--- Life is not kind. We are born into it innocent and naïve. If we are lucky, we can stay that way for longer than most. Sometimes, I think about how few lucky ones are out there. I know I'm not. Today, I stand on a cold, bitter winter beach in the north of Scotland. It is February, and my world is broken.
J.B. MillerPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsTrying a hand
My world came crashing down when I heard what the doctor said to my husband Jan.The exact words were”Jan, you will drop dead any moment from now as your heart can stop beating any moment,hence you need a device fitted to shock your heart when it stops”.We we’re both stunned and could barely speak.
Kiran JosephPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsHow to quiet the constant fear?
I’m afraid , I’m worried that at this point in my life I won’t be able to change from what damaged me . It just seems the more I fight to be different the harder everything is , I love challenges I love to be challenged but to my absolute breaking point ? Is that really necessary? I’m afraid that it’s too late to make friends and that I pass that feeling of regret , shame and hurt down to my children . Why do I always feel like killing myself ? Why do I always feel less than worthy of what I know I deserve ? Why is it so hard to find someone that can love me in-spite of my mental health taking a toll on my appearance and just everything . I love my mom and grandparents . But my mom doesn’t make me feel wanted unless she was a good laugh then I’m her gyal. I never felt truly beautiful or like a princess no matter how many times I heard it because they were always just words . The actions were so different and I resent my mother for not getting help for herself to be stronger and not put her kids through all of what we went through . Then on top of that make it so hush hush that we had to hurt in silence . In our own ways , never speaking about it until the seeds were planted and grew. By then it was instilled in us to suppress beyond what physically felt comfortable. Always pushing people away and never being able to hold onto friendships let alone relationships that might’ve done us good . No we clung to emotionally abusers because it was what we were taught . My grandparents I love them with all my heart but they just don’t understand no matter how much I talk to them . It’s that Generational wall, they’re from a time we’re you could speak about how you feel but honestly just get your shit together . Or money can fix what you feel if you work hard at a dead end jobs you can overwork yourself at the good ones and make something of yourself . Which leads me down another serious of dark holes . Perfection anxiety if I can’t do anything perfect or like I’ve seen I’m pissed and don’t even want to do it . Like today at training he made me run for the first time since I last saw him and I hated it it made me feel like shit it made me feel sloppy it made me feel ugly I was out of breathe by the fourth sprint down and back . I felt that I wasn’t good enough to be in the fire department or to even try out again I could just never get in the shape I needed to be but then also always having my kids with me is a distraction and stressful . Although I moved and I feel better and don’t feel completely smothered with loneliness like I felt when I was with my family , it just keeps reminding me that I don’t have the support I want and o probably never will from anywhere . There dad doesn’t help and he can’t because he continues to live with his mother who is a controlling witch and I will never allow my kids over there again . My mom can’t have them stay because my youngest sister is my daughters molester and I won’t give her another try at my children . My grandparents are older and are worried about contracting Covid because my gmas immune system is weak . My uncle and I are not close because of his wife but I don’t deny my girls access but they don’t communicate either . For once I just want people that want me , that want to check on me not me always having to make the move to them . I want more love and I want caring and I want better for my daughters but so far I feel as though I’m failing . They have no friends and I can’t afford they’re daycare anymore , and I can’t put them in anything anymore because I have Continuous bills . I want to start businesses but without support I just seem to have anxiety attacks and freeze and feel horrible . When will it end , I want it to end . I never get the option to breakdown because If I do my kids see , I never get the option to call for back up because it’s honestly only one sister that comes to my aid and I hate not paying her and over using her all the time .
Maya SparrowPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsMonsters
On most nights, it was a monster of some kind threatening us from the TV in my grandparents’ bedroom. This time, however, a woman’s head protruded from a 4 x 4 metal box that sported a variety of colorful switches and buttons. She was clearly displeased with her mad-scientist husband, who had acquired a beautiful new body for her and was preparing to remove the body’s current head and replace it—carefully, of course—with her own.
Patty Doak TydingsPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsA Ode to Italian Food
A Ode to Italian Food, what a way to start this off. Much like the picture above, I thought my job working at a high end Italian restaurant was quite picturesque. I was making well above my monthly need and even made a friend along the way. You see this job wasn't your typical waitressing job. The owners of the restaurant were beyond unique, one of them having schizophrenia and the other being the only and final say on how things were to be run. All chaos would break loose the moment the words "the owners are on their way!" would be muttered. From my manager frantically screaming at us to do our side work even though it would be in the middle of dinner rush to the kitchen staff trying to ensure their lemon butter sauce didn't break in the five minutes it would take for said owners to interrogate the restaurant. We were also required to have our white shirts professionally dry cleaned which was not compensated for by the company and if you committed the sin of showing up to work with out your dry cleaners tag, off you went home until you could provide the needed evidence of such a transaction. The kitchen manager was also notorious for cussing out servers because little did we know but, he was having a affair with a server that could have been his daughter and his wife had found out and so his life had become quite chaotic at home. Of course, all of this was known to the general manager who did nothing about the issue. I was also told directly that my manager did not have faith in me to do my job after I have had 3 years of experience in the fine dining field, I looked unattractive and many other wonderful things that left me feeling totally appreciated for my efforts. After being cursed out by the kitchen manager on a busy Saturday for him thinking a entree was already sent out when it hadn't been and no correction, I put in my two week notice. I had been working there a year and was frankly over it. My manager had convinced me to stay saying all the sweet nothings I had longed so long to hear one of them being there was going to be a complete staff meeting where the owners were going to come and address the problems in the restaurant themselves. Hearing that it seemed like after all this time my manager actually maybe somewhat slightly cared about me, I agreed to stay. Flash forward to the highly hyped up meeting and the owners are a no show. My manager had read a script of things about uniform standards and job expectations and nothing of the promised words were mentioned. Keep in mind, I am just a string of 5 people that have left the restaurant within the month due to the way it was run. My next scheduled day, I decided I was going to stick it out for a week. I was on a private event and the money that goes with those was something I did not want to miss. I came in to get the event decorated with the needed plate ware and ordered myself a Margarita pizza. As I was eating, I was told there wasn't enough plates or silverware to set the room and that I would have to carry the plates back from a building across the property in beyond hot weather. I ate my pizza and walked out. Haven't looked back sense. Here's to you, Margarita pizza.
kate158Published 3 years ago in ConfessionsSentimental Man
“Hap, the pizza’s sour,” I say to my twin brother dryly. He frowns. “It really was the best thing I could find.” He picks at something dark and sticky on the asphalt.
Shannon LanierPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsThe heart locket
Riley was walking down the street, and didn’t realize he was right across from her. What can she really do? She always felt defenseless and powerless. All she could think of was the day she was raped and that’s the last thing she wanted to think of. She didn’t want it to happen again. Then there he was covered in a pool of blood wanting you to come to him, but you kept running faster and faster. It felt like you couldn’t get away like more people were following you. Could it have been a dream?
Ezra ColtonPublished 3 years ago in ConfessionsWriting Saved My Life When I Questioned My Existence
CW: This story discusses anxiety, depression, and suicide. If any of these seem potentially triggering to you, please click out.
Ziva LanePublished 3 years ago in Confessions