Spark of Love

I moved my feet gently across the old wooden and worn floor. Your hands were settled gently on my hips, your arms my shield and walls of protection around me. I took a deep breath, settling the unsteady waves leaving me. Your body swayed gently with mine. It was a warm comfortable room, fireplace blazing, and no one to look down on us. The music was medium, not too fast to make us waltz quickly around, but not too slow to make us lose track of where we are or what we are doing. My heart was pounding in my chest and throat. Being this close to you awoke nerves within me that I didn’t know could still hold a spark.

I was lost in thought, before noticing how your eyes were searching my face. How intently your eyes were looking into mine. It was as if you were looking for an answer to a question left unspoken. You were taller than me, so I was always looking up into your eyes. I wasn’t sure what to think, how to act, or how to feel. I was scared, excited, warm, and feverish. I was a ball of nerves wrapped in thin skin. Would I implode from everything running inside of me?

There was so much I wanted to say as you stared into my eyes. There was so much emotion running through me. You continued to move my body in a slow dance. Our bodies together and yet somehow, we were managing not to feel overwhelmed and overpowered by desire. I want you. Every part of my body wants you. But your eyes kept asking me for those simple words. Could I love you? Did I love you?

I was so afraid to answer. I was so afraid of the future. I had broken off a long-term relationship, and as if fate had made other plans, you returned to my life just in time. You gave me strength; you gave me courage to find myself and learn to live for myself, when for so long I had been a shadow. I had been a trophy, carefully placed on the shelf, taken down and polished, and then put back on the shelf again to show off. I hated it. I hated life. I needed so much more than that.

In the time that you returned to my life, I had completed some dare devilish things in a matter of a few months. I had dyed my hair purple. The first step towards making me feel like myself again. It was bright and vibrant. But he hated it. He made me feel insecure in my own decisions. But you, you thought it was amazing. You were there, supporting me when I thought I was alone. How I wished you could have been there to save me when I had reached the end of my ropes, but that’s not for you to worry about anymore.

I will not leave this world by my own hand. When he did nothing to fight for me, you promised me you’d never treat me that way. And scaringly, I believed every word you told me. I could hear the truth in your words. You twirled my body around, as the music continued. You distracted me from the train of thoughts that were screeching through my mind. Your head tilted down towards mine for a kiss and then another.

The kiss was soft and inviting. I had wondered what it would feel like to kiss you again. I felt the heat spread across my cheeks. I felt the burning desire flare to life within my body, and God help me, I felt like I was burning for you. When the next kiss swept across my lips, my body shuttered as you opened your mouth, the tip of your tongue reaching out to caress my lips. I wanted to let you in. I wanted so much more than that. I wanted all of you. I felt your hand tighten at my waist. I felt as our feet stopped moving and your body pressed into mine. I felt your breathe against my lips. Did I imagine it, or did your lips quiver too?

Are you just as afraid of this connection as I am? I can feel the words lingering on my lips. My mind and body are crying out for me to whisper the words against your lips. Leaning back, I must look into your eyes again. What is this feeling coming over me?

Your eyes are looking into mine, asking me to admit what I feel for you. My body is quivering. I’m so afraid and excited at one time. I desperately feel the need to make love to you, to feel your body against mine. But there’s something I need even more fiercely. I need to know; do you love me too? Is the feeling mutual?

I want to laugh at myself. Of course, it is. But I keep asking myself, could this be real? When will I wake up from this bizarre dream? How can I know that it’s all for real? You’re nothing like him. I know this because I know you. Deep down, I’ve always known you. You were the first spark, the first love of my life. Once, we had planned out a lifetime together. Unfortunately, fate had decided that we weren’t meant to be together then. Life gave us a chance to mature, and chance to grow and live. And maybe we could also learn to love each again. Even though, I’m certain that never ended for either of us.

I love you.