Today is not Okay

Steel

It feels like a cold block of ice,

Cradled in my hands.

~

Pain radiates through me.

There’s nothing for me to say.

Everything is not okay.

~

Broken down,

Beaten,

Left for dead,

Maybe even forgotten.

~

There’s no love left.

Life takes shape as a meaningless sense of myself.

Staring back at me.

~

Sitting in front of the mirror,

There’s blackness around my eyes,

There’s suffering in my heart,

There’s an ache in my chest.

My hands cradle the gun.

It’s a cold sweet promise to end everything.

Because there’s nothing left for me.

~

I don’t want to die,

But I don’t want to be alive.

I don’t want to feel this pain anymore.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks,

My chest hurts.

~

I feel my cries shuttering through me.

I feel my pain destroying my soul.

All it would take would the sweet kiss of death,

For death to wrap his arms around me,

To give me that sense of peace.

~

I want those I love to know,

I love you.

There’s nothing in this world that could ever take your place in my heart away.

But today is not okay.

I feel my breathe shutter through my chest.

Looking down at the heavy block of steel.

Will today be the day that I pull the trigger?

Will today be my ending?