Sober Growth

So far I have been sober for 163 days and I am still counting. It is amazing how so much can happen in a space of 5-6 months.

Even though the legal drinking age in my country is 18 I didn't have my first drink til I was 21. It was my birthday, traveling around Melbourne city in a limozine with a few friends. This is when I picked up my first cougar whiskey can. Later on we all wind up at another friend's 21st and before I knew it I was drunk after 6 cans of alcohol, getting a piggy backed by a friend, throwing up in the front seat of a cab car and waking up with a massive hang over the next day.

After that I was never a big drinker. I was always responsible. Alcohol was really fun in the company of friends at parties and small get togethers. I didn't drink very often and with my family I was pretty responsible.

Much later on long after I got out of the psychiatric unit after horrendous abusive relationship in my early 20s (previous blog) I don't really recall very much. I was going out, performing at local open mic nights, studying, learning to drive and meeting new people every so now and then. I enjoyed the taste and the buzz of Jim beam or wine, sometimes it was champagne or vodka. Alcohol was not considered to be a problem back then until the first time I was so drunk I winded up in the hospital over a psychotic break.

This happened quite often. It had gotten so bad that one of the last times I visited the hospital I was on the drip because I was so dehydrated and didn't remember it the next day. I had drunk 2 bottles of wine and went to bed not knowing what I had went through the next morning. All I knew is that what I put myself through had yet again made me very depressed and completely cut off from the world out of guilt of the things I might of said or done. I was also triggered by the struggles of the rocky relationship I had with my father at the time.

For years I was in denial that it was a problem. I was drinking 10 days in a row and slipping further into the darkness. I wanted to stop sooner. But the addiction had taken hold of me more than I realized. Soon enough I finally did something about it.

I came back to This Naked Mind Community and decided to order Annie Grace's book. As soon as it arrived I did the 30 day experiment and read the book at the same time. I needed the education, recourses and proper action to get me on the path I wanted. I went 33 days and started to drink again thinking I could be ok to moderate.

But I wasn't. I struggled again, On May 22nd 2022 I realized it was the last straw! The night before I finally got sick of the taste and the buzz, knowing that it was finally not doing me any favors. I didn't like it anymore in any shape of form. The book wired me so well that I ended up swearing that I would never go back to where I was. I kept my promise.

Ontop of this I tried doing the 12 step program and then read the Big Book with a sponsor. But it really didn't work for me. I believe in the higher power and have a strong sense of spirituality. But I am not religious.

I am reaping all these benefits now after 163 days. My skin is cleared up, I have lost more weight and got my dream body back. I am able to finally make time write music again and find way to fit it more and more into my routines. I moved house with clarity and ease. I have a budding relationship with my partner and my mental health is in a higher place. My spiritual path is also growing to newer heights. I am appreciating life and learning more and more, appreciating and embracing my strong sense curiosity. It feels good that I am finally back together and found a more enhanced version of myself. There is no going back and I wonder what my future holds. I even got some of my friendships back.

I am so grateful for This Naked Community, the support of my friends and family during this journey.