Shifting Mortality

You said we are equals but is that true now? You become two while I’m stuck in one. I was warned about you and set to prepare for practice. You hide behind your words as if it’s your superpower. You treat a pet like a child, with negative reinforcement with toxic words. Like a toy you’re willing to throw it away when it gives you more trouble than peace. Similar to a newborn child, the pain comes more than the pleasure. The joys arrive in between the annoyance. Babies need patience and guidance—no torment and neglect. Like a fire when you see a spark, you’re ready to blow it all up and go for the tragedy. Damaged thoughts rage in as the unthinkable surfaces.

You take a step back as you see what was thought. An act of protection to keep it from erupting. Make two as you dispose of the remainder. What is left is you and your maker. Unknown comfort in the trauma of truth, you want what you want and the rest should shoo. Work for what you want and damn the rest, be happy with the result or punish the best. Your mind like Norman bates is protective of the truth. Unable to share with anyone, until death becomes you. Let me suffer and proceed with the pain, no longer try to contact me unless your body has been put to shame. Shifted morality is your heart of hearts, what’s a reality for everyone is dark either way because of the sharks.

Shocked

So this is how It goes. The pain and struggles that were endured or overcome. Sitting in silence next to the one that gave birth to you. You wonder what all this time apart was like. You think about where you are now versus where you were months ago before you said goodbye. Before you finally put your foot down and start walking for yourself. Before you walked away from a place that was part of your whole life. Leaving to make a choice for yourself to grow.

If you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of someone else? There are many versions of this where this is paramount to a person's development. You have a flashback to where it builds up. A time when you were sharing the struggles which you didn’t need to be a part of. 

Inner Pain 

Why does it hurt so? Whatever happened to the moments that tore us apart? All this space was made to keep us separate from one another. you were the one that wanted this and yet you changed your mind because of what reality had told you. This inner pain cycles to my soul every time I see another in bliss and comfort with each other. I wonder every day if my choice was an honest one. Forever searching for one to make me be me and love me as they love me. They all say you're not right for me but with all the pain and torture, you heal me and love me even more. I don't how to love like you do but I wish to find you again. You challenged me to be better than myself and thus I relied on someone that shouldn't be there.

I continue to fall the more I think about it and it cuts me every moment I see what I want from others. I had you in my grasp and couldn't believe it. I felt too undeserving that every moment of neglect or painful pressure would be deemed a red flag. The argument was the reaffirmation from others that you aren't meant for me. Why do you still live with me? Why do I still want you when everyone else says no? Why do I want someone else who doesn't want me? Why do I want two people for different reasons and yet I can't have anybody? Somehow I want these people and I can't even feel comfortable with them so how do I change this shifting mortality?