*Normal* Girl, what do you say?

From an early age, I always had such a creative imagination. I could get lost in all of the stories in my head and create different narratives. I spent a lot of my time alone and on my family desktop computer. I wasn't necessarily a loser, but I definitely was NOT cool. I had a broken family from a very early age- at a time where it wasn't so common. I had friends, but I never felt like I fit in with the kids at school (still don't). My mom was a hard working single mother raising 2 girls. We had several live in babysitters from different countries whom I spent a lot of time with because I was still so young. Sylvia was one that stuck around for awhile and essentially helped raise me. She was my best friend growing up. We would cook together, play games and most importantly watch American Idol together. She taught me so much and was always there for me when I needed her. We had so much fun together being silly, and playing in nature- 2 things that still give me joy.

I remember one morning, we were walking to the bus stop and I noticed the other kids (and some of their parents) staring at Silvia. She was an older woman from Jamaica and it was obvious that she wasn't my mother. Being seven years old, and being able to identify this feeling of being judged truly breaks my heart now. This was a pivotal moment because it was the first time I ever felt embarrassed. But it wasn't Silvia I was embarrassed about. I loved her so much, she was like a second mother to me. I was embarrassed because it was the first time that I felt different. It was also the first time that I got bullied for it.

Soon later, our time with Silvia ended and she went back home to Jamaica for good. At this point in my life, I had grown accustom to people in my life leaving. I was sad that she had to go, but I understood that she needed to go back to her family. I experienced so much disappointment at this point it wasn't new. My life went on, I tucked away my pain and sadness and held on to the memories. I continued to be playful, enjoy nature and simply be a kid on my own.

So many years have gone by since we last saw each other. We moved to another house, my mother got remarried I had new friends and had grown accustom to being a *normal* kid. Most of these people I still call close friends to this day. From time to time our house phone would ring and it would be Sylvia calling to speak to us. She always wanted to chat with me and catch up on my life. I was still young at the time, I didn't appreciate these calls much then, but now looking back I am so grateful for all of those little check ins over the years.

About 2 years ago, Sylvia sent me a bunch of pictures that she kept of me from her time with my family. I was so overwhelmed it brought me to tears. I wasn't sad though, quite the opposite...

In that moment I realized I had always held on to memories, it's just who I am as a person- back then, and now. I always keep them close to my heart, but for the first time in my life I realized- So did she.

xx

Carly Cat