Nickelodeon: Learn from the dark, but Remember the light

I have been the biggest Nickelodeon fan since I was a toddler. Some of my greatest memories as a little boy can be captured in the recollection of all the cartoons, sitcoms and young adult dramas that I binge watched on Nickelodeon in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. Even in my adulthood I’ve always looked at Nickelodeon as part of the penacle of what made life so great during my youth and I still love Nickelodeon culture to this day. Nearly a decade into my adulthood I started learning that there were scandalous secrets from behind the scenes that Nickelodeon was hiding. Over the course of the past couple weeks the details of these secrets have made their way to the public and everyone who loves Nickelodeon has been brought to their knees.

By now most people have seen the documentary series Quiet On Set: The Darkside of Kids TV. This documentary explores the history of sexual abuse and exploitation that the former child stars of Nickelodeon faced during their youth. Where do we start when giving the details? The first look inside Nickelodeon’s underworld is learning about the abusive work environment that the children and female writers endured under the leadership of Nickelodeon creator Dan Schneider.

We learn from the former cast mates of Schneider’s hit shows that they faced verbal abuse directed towards their races, genders and body types from Schneider and a number of the crew members who worked under him, but that was only the beginning. The documentary sinks deeper into a world of discomfort by highlighting the subliminal references of sexual innuendo that was incorporated into the humor of his sitcoms. As if that wasn’t unnerving enough, it also became clear that many of these crude references were alluding to Schneider’s own fetishized desires.

In many displays that everyone involved and watching would call “creepy”, Schneider often inserted himself into the personal space of the young female stars that worked for him, putting his narcissism on full display. This shun brightest when thinking about one of the biggest names mentioned, Amanda Bynes. It was quite clear that Amanda Bynes was subjected to a great deal of abuse that was not publicly addressed, but was well known behind the scenes and this hidden abuse is why we’ve watched her deteriorate over the course of the past decade. This hurts so much because for all of us who grew up with her, we love Amanda very much.

The deepest wounds of Quiet On Set came in the form of the sexual predators who plagued Dan Schneider’s environment. Among them was production manager John Michael Handy, who was a self confessed predator. The most heart wrenching story came from the sins of dialogue coach Brian Peck and his long term sexual abuse of Nickelodeon super star, Drake Bell. When the four part docu-series ended all any viewer could do was sit frozen in a daze, overcome by a rush of heartache.

This exposition of Nickelodeon’s dark side has left every child of the 80’s, 90’s, early 2000’s and 2000-teens lost in an array of emotional trauma. Many feel like their childhood was a lie and many feel like their childhood has been destroyed. Everyone has been expressing their feelings about this uncovered history and there is so much that has been said. While so many fans have posted on social media about the emotional toll these stories have taken, many have also applauded every former child star, most notably Drake Bell, for speaking up and telling their stories. Veteran Nickelodeon stars including Nancy Sullivan, who portrayed Drake Bell’s mother on the series Drake & Josh, Josh Peck, who portrayed Drake’s stepbrother on Drake & Josh, and Steve Burns, the original leading man of the Nick Jr. hit series Blues Clues have all spoken out in a show of support for all the victims.

For me personally, I learned about these stories years before Quiet On Set was released. When I first learned about the sexual innuendo references that were hidden in plain sight on the sitcoms I honestly didn’t find them to be personally disturbing because I spent so much time of my childhood in an inappropriately mature environment that I honestly called a lot of the inappropriate displays on these shows as they were happening back when they first started. Because I was already aware of these unfit displays, hearing them be confirmed by the stars themselves didn’t have an effect on me. Hearing the stories of on-set abuse and discomfort really made me feel for stars who were on the receiving end of that abuse, but what really touched my heart was hearing the testimony of Drake Bell.

Hearing Drake Bell detail the story of how he was sexually assaulted and everything that led to it was one of the most heartbreaking stories I have ever heard and what made it so bad was I was hearing how this happened to someone I grew up loving so much. When I heard his father Joe Bell tell his story how he tried to protect his son the best he could I wanted to cry as I watched him shed his tears. I was genuinely angry and I’m still angry at the number of big name stars in Hollywood who defended sex offender Brian Peck against Drake Bell at the trial for his crimes. All of them have some serious explaining to do and I think it’s safe to say that the public won’t let them rest until they start with the explanations.

Thinking back on everything that has come to light, I would be lying if I said I haven’t been fighting back tears for the past week. It’s not me being dramatic it’s the truth. I grew up dealing with a lot of abuse and trauma in my own childhood. One of the many parts of my life that help me through my abuse was watching Nickelodeon on a regular basis. People like Amanda Bynes and Drake Bell brought a great deal of joy when I felt like I was dying inside as a child and it hurts so much to know that while they were helping me through my pain, they were dealing with their own abuse due to manipulation and not being properly protected, I can relate in every way.

When I saw Drake Bell’s on screen mother, Nancy Sullivan post a show of support for him, that really warmed my heart. When I saw Steve Burns ask everyone were we okay I wanted to break down in tears. I still wanna break down in tears and I’m even fighting back tears as I write this because I know the pain that everyone has felt in discovering the painful past that our beloved childhood heroes endured. I’ve been trying to present myself as the strong willed fan in all this, but this has all taken a heavy emotional toll on me as well. Though part of me wants to shed tears of grief, another part of me wants to shed tears of joy because when I saw Steve Burns ask were we okay I knew that all the good we knew from Nickelodeon was still intact.

In the aftermath of all this, a big notion that I have disagreed with is that our childhoods have been ruined or weren’t truly good because of the behind the scenes evil that was occurring at Nickelodeon. I really hope anyone who feels that way would understand that’s not the proper way of looking at all this. How do I feel? My childhood wasn’t ruined.

“A few weeks after he (Brian Peck) was arrested I started shooting “Drake & Josh”. Thank God that I loved what I was doing. When I was on set and doing a scene with Josh I was able to lose myself and have fun” - Drake Bell.

All the joy we were given from Nickelodeon was real, as were the young stars who gave us that joy. What I found most interesting about Quiet On Set was all the stars who spoke in the documentary genuinely loved performing and being entertainers on Nickelodeon. Everything we loved about them was everything they loved doing at Nickelodeon. Yes, there were bad things that happened among the good, but just like everything else in life, that bad does not make the good null and void. Everywhere we go in life will be an experience of good and bad and even though Nickelodeon is meant to be a network for children and young adults it is still part of the rest of the world, which means it will be subjected to the same degrees of good and evil.

Quiet On Set didn’t make me look down on Nickelodeon, it actually made me appreciate all the stars of the network a lot more. Those young stars gave up their childhoods just so we could enjoy ours. So when look back on all the shows they gave us we shouldn’t have a mentality to disown them, we should actually be more grateful for them and what they did for us considering the price at which it all came. All of those brave stars found peace and happiness amidst all their trauma and we should be the same way.

What should we take from all of this?

Never forget the darkness that happened and remember it so we can share it with our children and potentially prevent some other young soul from becoming a victim of abuse and continue to love the light because even though it neighbors darkness, it still remains intact.

~Dedicated to all the children of Nickelodeon. Thank you for making our childhoods better.