Every single piece of me shattered. I couldn't get myself to speak even a word. Without even saying a word, I went back running to my home. It was the last time I saw Nancy, I didn't say goodbye because I didn't want to and how could I, she was my only friend. I was left all alone by myself once again, once again I had no one to talk to, no one to laugh with and no one to spend my time with. I stopped going to the park. Years went by, I graduated from university and started doing a job. Had my own place. But Nancy was still living in my heart. The Day she moved into our neighborhood and the day we became friends, everything was there in my head as if it was yesterday. One day, I went to a restaurant near my apartment, where I used to go to eat and was having dinner, when I heard some lady laughing and within a fraction of a second I knew it. It was her, it was Nancy. My heart skipped a beat. I stood up and went to her without even a second thought and not even looking at who is she with. She recognized me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I hugged her tightly. I didn't exactly remember for how long I hugged her. It was the day when we met again after years of being apart. It was one of the very few happiest days of my life. We exchanged numbers and addresses . We started seeing each other once again. My crush for Nancy grew huge. Everytime I used to see her, it made my heart race and my pulse rate rose to an uncontrollable level. I used to feel butterflies in my stomach. It was Nancy's birthday that weekend and I was planning to take full advantage of this opportunity by proposing her. I planned the entire dinner, bought the ring and wrote a card with all my feelings in it. I wanted to make it unforgettable for her. I wanted to make it a perfect combination of fairytale and love. I wanted her to have the world's best proposal and I wanted her to know what she was to me. On her birthday, I received a call from the hospital. I rushed to the hospital. Nancy's condition was not good. Her father told me that she was diagnosed with brain tumor three years ago and since then she had been going through treatments. It was the second heartbreaking and shattering moment for me, but this one was far greater than the last time. I had been crying in the hallway of the hospital for past two hours. I couldn't believe my ears. Was I going to lose Nancy once again? Was that the end? Wouldn't I be able to marry her? How could I let her go? When suddenly I heard nurses running to Nancy's room and calling the doctor. I also wanted to go in the room, but they didn't let me. The doctor couldn't save her. Once again I wasn't able to say goodbye to Nancy, but this time it was her who didn't let me say it. My soul left my body. I was left with nothing except for my body. It's been around two years since Nancy passed away but to this day I am looking for her, that someday she'll appear from somewhere and will hug me tightly, as I did and I will be able to tell her that how much I love her......
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Nancy
I , John, was the only child of my parents. Both of My parents used to work a 9-5 job because of that I was never very close to any of them. I became used to living alone by myself, had no friends and stayed home most of the time. Nobody knew, how many times I didn't have lunch because I didn't want to eat alone. I was provided with all the luxuries of life one could ask for. But still there was no one for me.Which made me feel incomplete and empty from inside. I always craved for a friend but didn't have the courage to make one. Whenever my parents had time, they had to complete their tasks or household chores they'd been putting on. This was how my life until sixth grade. On a Sunday morning, I heard noises coming from outside, I looked out through the window and saw some people moving in our neighborhood. A girl of my age was also standing there holding a white Pomeranian puppy in her hand. She was wearing a pink floral frock, a white tights and white sneakers. Her hair was tied in a ponytail. It was very unusual for me to notice someone, specially a girl. I went back inside and had my breakfast. A few days later, the girl, who was now our next door neighbor came to our house and brought some homemade cookies that she and her mom made, I was home alone at that time. It was the first time we met. Her name was Nancy and the dog she had was cupcake. The second time we met was the day when I went to the park to get some fresh air. Nancy was also there, playing with cupcake. She saw and waved at me with a beautiful smile on her face which made me unintentionally go to her. This was the beginning of our friendship, a very pure and wonderful relation that I had never experienced in my life. Finally, I had someone who I could call a friend. It became a habit to go to the park in the evening everyday to see each other. We used to talk about the most random things, used to laugh at the most lamest jokes and used to take cupcake for walks. We even used to ride our bicycles every weekend. She also used to help me with my homework. Sometimes I used to eat either lunch or dinner with her. I used to start every day with the excitement of doing something fun with Nancy. My days were no longer dull and boring. Time always felt surreal whenever I was with her. She was literally perfect, a straight A's student, an obedient child and the most beautiful girl in the entire universe. I started crushing over her without even releasing it. Whenever I was with her, I couldn't keep the track of time, it went by so quickly. Apart from being a good friend she was a good human too. One who is very kind. For the first time there was someone who made me feel like i was special ...and that my existence means something....and gradually like a wind blowing over a field of flowers she became a part of my life ....a beautiful one....one that I wanted forever. I felt like I'm becoming her and I thought this will never end. One day, when I went to see Nancy to the park, she told me that she'll be moving to another city at the end of this month. I broke, every single piece of me shattered. I couldn't get myself to speak even a word. Without even saying a word, I went back running to my home. It was the last time I saw Nancy, I didn't say goodbye because I didn't want to and how could I, she was my only friend. I was left all alone by myself once again, once again I had no one to talk to, no one to laugh with and no one to spend my time with. I stopped going to the park. Years went by, I graduated from university and started doing a job. Had my own place. But Nancy was still living in my heart. The Day she moved into our neighborhood and the day we became friends, everything was there in my head as if it was yesterday. One day, I went to a restaurant near my apartment, where I used to go to eat and was ha…
By Living talesđź’«about a year ago in Confessions
Surviving A Dark Night of the Soul
Credit: Excerpt from my book, The Dictionary of Missing Time Dark Night of the Soul Definition The “dark night of the soul” is a term that goes back a long time. It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression.
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