My evil-Ex girlfriend

Jessica breaking with me at my lowest came to me as a shock. We had been together for five solid years and I’ll admit it wasn’t all easy those years, we had our fair share of conflicts and disagreements but it always worked out in the end because we loved each other, at least that is what I thought. Jessica looking at me in the eye in the middle of our belated anniversary dinner date in a five star restaurant that she paid for and telling me that she’s breaking with me was the least hurtful thing she said to me that night, It wasn’t even when she admitted to having an affair with her co-worker which I had no idea about till that moment, it was her harsh reason for cheating and breaking up with me which was that ‘I wasn’t man enough for her’. I asked her what she meant by that and she proceeded to remind me of how she’s tired of bearing the burden of the bills all alone and how I have gotten comfortable depending on her, she also added that I needed to give up on my comedy dreams and focus on getting a regular job but she was going either way. I have always wanted to be a comedian as a boy, I was the class clown with cystic acne and crooked teeth, my humor was what made me popular. Almost all through my life, I have had people tell me I was funny enough to make it in comedy, so I dropped out of college to chase my dreams but the reality of the struggle in the entertainment industry hit me hard. I worked odd jobs during the day and at night I was a standup comedian at various small clubs, I hardly got paid from those. I applied for two comedy competitions and lost. I entertained people for free at dinners that had few customers. That was where I met Jessica, she was a college student working as a part time waitress and was laughing hysterically at my punchlines.

Now she says that I would never reach my dreams and that was very hurtful because she of all people knew how badly I wanted it and how hard I have worked.

I did not take the breakup well at first, I drank more and hardly showered, I looked homeless for weeks but then I started to recover and move on. Jessica’s words made a hole in my heart as I found myself slowly giving up on my dreams and accepting the fact I might never reach it.

Not until I saw Jessica barely two months one evening after our break up on a date with whom I assume is the fellow she dumped me for, my weeks of healing went down the drain. She looked happy, laughing at whatever he was saying. I thought, “what is funny about this guy, is he funnier than me?”

I was jealous, angry and bitter; to fix that I decided to write a book, a book about Jessica and how our relationship for the past five years, mostly about the times where she hurt me and I eventually forgave her. I might have exaggerated a little bit, added some things that did not happen, left out the parts where I contributed to her actions and titled it, ‘My evil ex-girlfriend’. I spontaneously decided to get it published, as a form of revenge but the publishers altered it from a badly written whiny rant from a bitter ex to a brilliant comedy book with an attractive cover and packaging. For the first time in my life, I did not fail at something. My evil ex-girlfriend became a bestseller within six months of publication. The readers loved it and it quickly boosted my reputation as a comedian. The major turning point was when I was invited as a guest at the late night Justin Bowen show. I was a huge fan of the show and Justin Bowen was one of my idols . He was a huge fan of the book and had questions about it, so he asked me on air.

I brilliantly used this opportunity to show the world my true comedy gifts, cracking jokes and making the audience laugh. It was an euphoric feeling as I imagined Jessica watching me live on television watching me finally becoming what I have dreamed of.

“I know I speak for many people when I ask this” Justin asked on the show in a serious tone, “Is everything in this book real? Did it happen to you”.

“Yes”I replied without hesitation, “The only thing that is not real is her name, I changed to keep her identity”.

“So your ex-girlfriend called your mother a fat bitch?”

My mother had called her a whore first

“Yes, she did”

“Your ex-girlfriend shaved your head on your birthday”

She jokingly just cut out a lock after I dared her to because I thought she couldn’t.

“Yes, she did”

The crowd reacted in shock.

“Mr Luke, you are telling me your ex-girlfriend chased you with a knife during a fight”

It was halloween and she was dressed as a ghostface and the knife was kind of fake plus it was kind of a play fight. I realized I was making Jessica sound like the devil’s incarnate at that moment.

“Yes, she did”, the crowd reacted negatively, no one was laughing.

“But it’s all in the past, I am in a much better place now” I added laughing but it did not fix the mood.

“That is horrible!”Justin said, “and she still cheated on you and dumped you, you are a victim”. The crowd’s noises agreed with him.

“I wouldn’t really see myself as a victim, I mean girlfriend did help me sometimes” I said seeing the turn this is going to.

Justin placed his hands on my shoulder and looked me directly in the eye, “I understand, it’s really difficult in a our world today to admit to men being mistreated”, he then turned to the crowd, “This is the problem we have in the world today, men go through so much abuse but have no place in the society, our sufferings are considered as comedy and the world laughs when a man is abused”.

That was not what I planned, my interview became a pity party and I became a symbol of male domestic abuse. Still good publicity though as my videos went viral and people were talking about it, I got myself a good team and my career as a successful comedian took off.

Things went out of hand when people found out Jessica’s identity, she was a villain in my book and my fans spited her. Her pictures were all over twitter, mean jokes and memes going viral, even her address and place of work was posted. My career on the other hand skyrocketed, I had my own stand up show and was earning six figures. My videos also had millions of likes on the internet.While I was able to afford living large in LA,I bought exotic cars and had meetings with Hollywood stars and directors; Jessica continued to be cyberbullied and all her social media accounts were disabled . I saw several videos of her being harassed by fans calling her an abuser as she just stepped out of her house, she looked distressed and I felt sorry for what I have caused her. my fans just seemed to love to hate her, I found some incels and misogynists use my story to prove their agenda. I wanted to apologize to her but she was able to reach out to me first in a video call while I was on set for the film adaptation of my evil ex-girlfriend which I starred alongside the blonde beauty hollywood starlet, Rebecca Johnson as my co-star. Jessica said she was happy for my success but my lies have ruined her life, she claimed to have received death threats, almost lost her job, and she cannot be out in public spaces for her safety.

I sincerely apologize for the haraments and I promised to do my best to urge my fans to stop. She was grateful for that but wanted something more, she wanted me to tell the world the truth . I could not do that because it could jeopardize my career . I lied that I was going to fix it but I just posted on my instagram urging fans that Jessica reached out to me and they should stop bullying her and calling her an abuser because of her mental health. The message only made matters worse because they believed I was just being nice and it was common for victims to feel sorry for their abusers.

I dated my co-star briefly after filming but it came to an end when she caught me in bed with two instagram influencers. I later decided to settle down with my new girlfriend and had a beautiful wedding.

Few years later and many things changed, everyone had moved on from my evil ex-girlfriend, Jessica was probably no longer harassed. My career began to go downhill as attendance at my shows and my popularity began to dwindle. It was like all of a sudden people no longer found me entertaining. My team and I tried everything including writing another comedy book but it was a huge failure. Things started to change for me as my family and I had to move to a smaller mansion in order to keep up with bills. I was still brainstorming on how to get back on track when I learned that I was being sued by my ex-girlfriend Jessica, for defamation, for lies and demanded a hundred dollars compensation for damages.

It was shocking, classic Jessica for waiting till I hit rock bottom before kicking my ass.I learned she has a decent chance of winning the case cause she hired a very brilliant lawyer and has concrete evidence against me. My PR team was trying to figure out how to keep that information from the public when my assistant handed me her kindle, showing me a book titled, "My evil ex-boyfriend" by Jessica Lang. Going through it , it was horrible. She tackled every single lie I told in my book and maybe even added hers and included me getting rich and famous with it making me look like a lazy prick, a liar, a manipulator and an opportunist.

“You are trending on twitter right now” my assistant told me, the audio recording of my call with Jessica where she pleaded that I tell the truth was viral and that was when I knew I was screwed. People had different negative opinions about me and none was good, in summary I am an misogynist abuser who encouraged the harassment of an innocent woman for clout and fame. Some claimed that I am a terrible comedian and that’s why I flopped, some said they had predicted my downfall because I had always been something off with me, even the misogynists were not defending me. I had to disable my social media account and keep away from it to protect my mental health.

I could not bear the fact that my reputation that had taken years to build was crashing down rapidly, I had no one to blame but myself. I watched a video of an interview that Jessica did on a talk show, she looked radiant .

“ Everything you wrote in this book happened to you,” the female host asked her.

She smiled and flicked her hair, “Yes, it did”.