Message To Him

There are many things I wish I could say to you and at this point, this is probably the only way I can do that. I know you’ll never see this, but it makes me feel better to put it into words who knows, maybe one day it will somehow make its way to you. That’s not the intention, but it’s nice to think about it.

I know that our relationship never really started on the best terms. Going from two strangers who could relate to each other and talk freely to two individuals who could barely stand each other, we really come from far.

I'm not sure what's waiting for us out there, but the only thing I know for certain is that I want you by my side. I wanna keep calling you mine. I am so consumed by every little thing you do. You stole my heart a long time ago, if only you knew how I was feeling at the moment as I am writing this.

When we started being distant at some point, I would reread our messages to only laugh harder or smile bigger the second time. I would recreate the memories we had already made in my head daily. I've been so obsessed with you and will keep being obsessed with you ( without excess of course). My love for you is as simple as a little schoolgirl crush, but also such a deep and intimate love for you. I wanna keep experiencing your every facet, I wanna keep being with you intimately and also laughing at our stupid tv shows. I wanna keep staying up all night long listening to you tell me all your awkward middle school and high school stories. I just want to keep being with you.

I know there is a lot of uncertainty in this world, but one thing I know for certain is I love you. I love you without knowing how or when or even from where. I love you simply, without problems (besides when you forget to put the toilet seat down) or pride (unless you're talking about my forehead).

And for that, I want to say thank you; if I could’ve experienced anything like this with anyone, I’m glad it was with you. It showed me how it feels to be appreciated and wanted, and most of all loved.

You made sacrifices for me and stuck around when I got difficult. I know it’s cliché, but you really had me at hello. I still remember the first time I texted you and wow, my heart was pounding while the blood rushed into my cheeks (it's so weird saying that being black). You stayed up till 3 AM and continued right on with our conversation earlier in the next morning.

And sometimes I feel like don't see how you affect me. You know I'm not perfect, yet you treat me and tell me I am anyway. You bring out the best in me; you help put my insecurities to sleep every day; it's as if you are healing me. You make me feel like I am worth something. You make me feel worthy enough to be loved. You humble me and make me think naturally beautiful. You love me, and because of that, you make loving you so easy.

As someone with a physical touch love language when we kiss or even when you cuddle me, I just feel like I'm on cloud 9. You make me feel safe and protected something I struggle feeling with men.

I love the memories we have and the memories we will make.

I love this life we have together and the life we will have in the future.

That's why sometimes I say thank you instead of I love you. You gave me something worth remembering and for that , I'll forever be thankful.