Me And My Insecurity

Introduction

I know I shouldn't feel like this but there is a part of me that wants to destroy everything I have that is good. Every time I get a Top STory on Vocal I am sure that they have just made a mistake and they didn't mean for one of my stories to slip through.

Every time someone tells me how good my writing or poetry is, the devil inside me wants to say, “Yeah but any idiot could write that, it’s not really that good anyway”.

I am writing this to purge myself of the bad feelings that I have, and you have probably seen me do this in prose and poetry.

So How Do I Fight This?

It is very hard on a daily basis, and it is ironic that the platform that I use to share my creations is a major part of why I find it difficult to appreciate my talent. The thing is I usually score a Top Story every month and I have friends who have never had a Top Story, and I wonder “Why Haven’t They Had A Top Story But I Have?”. At times I feel so undeserving.

Then I see people posting stories and think I should be reading those stories, but mentally I can not bring myself to read them, and therefore feel like a bad person who should be punished because I do not look out for other creators.

I feel unimportant and unwanted though I know that is not true because I am wanted and important.

Part of my solution is to keep writing and condition myself to believe that the only thing that matters in the Vocal Universe is that I continue to create. I do feel good when I publish something, even this being published will make me feel much better.

As I am writing this I am listening to The Saw Doctors' “World of Good” which advocates “I Only Wish For YouThe World Of Good” and I know that is what my Vocal friends feel for me. I will include the song to lead in this story.

The thing is to see the good, and find the good when you feel that things are against you or not going for you. I also write the sort of pieces, not to get people down or depress them, but to tell them that there is always a way forward.

I took a break and went out for a walk and I feel much better having done that, and also have some good music playing from my Facebook friend Pete Wylie so I do feel far better.

This is my third story today and as I previously wrote it is a sort of therapy for me, when I publish this I will consider some fiction or poetry (definitely not “haiku”, maybe attempt some epic poetry, I haven’t done that for a while, and maybe some positive fiction, though that is very difficult to do, so I may turn to something in the horror of dystopian genres.

As you can see the rusted cogs of my brain have been loosened with the mental WD40 of music and walking.

Conclusion.

I know many people feel insecure or unsure that what they are doing is worthwhile or right, but every piece of writing you do is a work of art, even your comments on other people’s creations. Every journey starts with a single step, and I know I am pulling out cliches, but even, and especially when you have withdrawn for public perception, you can feel good when you come back. Try not to feel pressure but try to take joy in the things that you do.

I hope this has made a little sense.