Lie To Me. Issue # 7

I was alone, I had little to no money, a job that I was working 15 hours a day every day…and yet I was happy! I was free. I guess I was radiating something, everyone I met after Posey left told me how happy I seemed. Everything was just better, the sun shined its brightest, my meals were rich and full. For the first time ever in my life I felt like I could do anything and go anywhere. Instead, I took a step back and evaluated where I was and what I was doing in my life.

I was 26, alone in a room, in a house with no privacy. With a family that wanted nothing to do with me, I was riddled with emotions that I had no idea how to control. I didn’t know what I was feeling. I had experienced so much. I had to change. I knew I needed to do something, but I couldn’t figure out what, I had no idea how to start initially. Throughout this time there was tons of talk about mental health and self-care being tossed around in pop culture, I figured counseling may be of great use to help me at least figure out a starting point. I had spent 12 weeks there talking about my issues and the whys behind them. My counselor was excellent, we were able to challenge some of my previous conceptions about my life and who I was and shift them to a more positive outcome.

I met a very good person, lets call her, Butterfly. I loved Butterfly with all my heart. She was freedom incarnate. Even now as I write this, her name makes me smile.

I met Butterfly working at the food truck with me, when I first met her. She was loaning her car to another coworker. He was asking her why she has so much sugar in her car, she says…

“Some bitch at school is talking about my man, so I’m gonna put sugar in her gas tank”.

Instantly she charmed me, we got along so well, everything between us was so smooth we talked about everything without judgment, we asked each other advice and listened, she had a partner, and written here for the first time, I admit I was jealous. We loved working with each other, I think about the time we really felt we could trust each other… It was a busy weekend; we had been working together the entire time. It was hot, we were both sweaty and tan. The cool spring nights gave way to crowds of people playing music under the stars and the lights. We were closing up for the night, taking out the trash and waste of the day. We had actually found some really useful things free for us to have given away by a couple moving out of their apartment nearby. When we get back, it was pretty late at night, we still need to close the register for the day and deposit the money.

I don’t know how long he was waiting there, but suddenly a man, he was young from all I could catch. Butterfly calls out! “Thudd get the fuck down!” I saw her rush the door of the food truck, grab the knob and shut it. I ran to her, grabbed her, and threw myself on top of her as shots rang out, BANG! BANG! BANG! I could feel one of them whizz by me. Again.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

People were screaming, and then it stopped. There was a large commotion outside of our door. I could hear people shouting “Stay inside! Stay Inside!” other people were shouting to “restrain him!” “Thudd…” butterfly said to me. “Thudd listen to me, I know him ok this is my fault”. I didn’t know what to say. “Thudd I need you to tell the police that you’ve never seen me with him…ok?” I was just so confused of what was going on! All of a sudden were being shot at and now butterfly is telling me she’s to blame. “I’m caught up in some more shit again!” I thought to myself.

After what was honestly not that bad of a night compared to some of the terrible nights I had with Posey, Butterfly and I are released from the police station. We catch a ride to a nearby diner, we sit down, and eat one of the best meals we’ve ever had. Butterfly tells me she needs a new roommate and wants me to move in with her, I tell her no immediately, I wanted to say yes but I thought she just turned 18 a week ago, this would look weird… Until I saw the house! We agreed that we wanted to stay friends and living together would just be that we’d live together. We spent a wonderful year together, we traveled around her hometown, we tried so many different drugs together. Butterfly made me feel like I was important, she made me feel like it was ok to like the things I like because who the fuck cares why else! She showed up for me, she defended me, we spent nights staying up till 3am talking about our past and what we learned. We shared many of the same traumas and both wanted a real family. Butterfly and I never got together. At the end of our lease, we couldn’t find a place to live together, and I had already met a beautiful, sweet, caring young woman, who is now my wife. I said goodbye to Butterfly, and I could tell she was upset with me, but was doing her best to be in a hurry to leave. I regret how we left each other; we had given so much of ourselves to each other she carries a wound I gave her on accident from a freak movie night, and I was bitten in the face by her dog. We literally changed each other’s bodies forever. I watched her leave with a group, that looked like she hated, she never looked back, and they drove off.

She never looked back.

My partner, Let’s call her Luna Walker, and I spent many once in a lifetime experience together. We are soulmates.

1 Issue remaining.

Thudd Walker.