Lie To Me Issue # 6

Packing up, saying goodbye to some of the friends that I had made during my year in hiding, I purchased a ticket back to the city. I was ready. Getting back to the city was easy, it was what I would do once I was there that kept me perplexed. I had no place to stay, no way to get around, an Ex out in the wild who was all too willing to exact her revenge. Getting back to the city the very first thing I needed to do was find a job, I called my old boss from my food truck days, it was tough, as they already had a really good staff going and didn’t need help. I must be grateful because they showed me kindness and gave me some measly hours that I could use to help get my foot in the door. I remember negotiating with two of my coworkers (they would later go on to become two of my best friends) for some hours on the weekend that I could take from them, I knew that they would want a free weekend and that I could make the most amount of tips on the weekend when everyone was out.

Second, I needed to find a place to stay, I couldn’t stay in my hotel forever and I still had the debt from when Posey and I were last together looming over me. I asked as many people as I could and… well let me tell you, it is awkward to ask coworkers you just met if they need a roommate. For the first week or two, after I left the comfort of the hotel I was staying in, I was camping out. I would sleep in the trailer that I worked on most nights, but I had a small pup tent and bedroll I used on warmer nights, when the sky was clear, and the stars were bright. I could hear the sounds of live music from the nearby cantina. I would eventually find a place to stay from a very kind and understanding older gentleman, let’s call him Barry.

Barry was in his 80’s, living in regret for not coming out to his family sooner and living his life with the man he believed was his soul mate. I could tell that Barry was nervous to talk about money, as he already had another young man living with him, this kid was clearly taking advantage of Barrys’ kindness, letting him slide on paying rent many months in a row and letting him pay what he can when he could. I worked my ass off to have the small rent every month.

[Please check out the one off story Chemicals and Iron for a non-canon story that connects to Barry and my time living with him]

Third, I needed to face Posey Jones. I had been purposely letting my location slip in the hopes of attracting Posey and get her to talk to me in some way. I was ready, I wanted to give her the speech I had prepared ahead of time, I wanted to scream in her face and watch her crumble to the ground crying. She took the bait and reached out to me frantically, wanting to know why I am in town, where I am staying, and demanding to meet with me. We agree to meet at a local coffee shop on the south side of town, I get there first and begin to rehearse what I am going to say, I practiced the emphasis on the hard B when calling her a bitch.

[There was a young group of girls watching me psych myself up to tell off Posey, they came up to me asking what I was doing and why I was saying bitch so dramatically. I gave them the 101 on what she was too me and the year I had, they laughed and rooted for me before leaving! That really got my blood pumping]

Finally, I spot Posey coming down the block, I am mesmerized, her long shapely legs in the thigh high cut off denim shorts glistening in the hot sun, her walk extenuating her curvy hips making her upper half bounce as she walks, her large breasts barely being contained in the skintight tube top, bare shoulders kissed by the sun. Her cherry red lips against her the paleness of her face, I could spot her a mile away. Posey comes close enough for me to smell her perfume, it was intoxicating. I had completely forgotten what I was going to say. We hug and my brain is swimming with endorphins, we fall into the inevitable trap of talking about the good parts of our past relationship, and I wont lie, when it was good…Damn it was good! We were hot, we were making it happen, the sex was incredible!

Then the topic would eventually shift to the sex we would have and both of us could feel the spark coming back, why it was so hot in the first place that we were having an affair. She asked where I was staying (south of the city) Posey was in Midtown. I gave in and both Posey and I went back to the room I was renting south of the city, we fucked each other’s brains out for what felt like two days straight I knew we could be heard but we both didn’t care, we wanted everyone to know.

It was subtle at first, she would say certain things just loud enough for me to hear them and react, then quickly play the victim loudly; I let her back into my mind I gave her trust and somehow, she talked me into having her move in with me, that she needed to leave her current place due to rent, she owed so much. How she had sex with one of her guy roommates because she was too drunk and didn’t want to seem rude. How if I loved her, I would talk Barry into letting her stay with me.

I am ashamed to say that I did talk Barry into letting Posey stay with me for twice the rent that I could barely make. It had all happened so fast and all of the sudden it was a few weeks later and we had been out walking around because I only had a fixed gear bike at the time I used to get around, she was bitching the entire time about everything hurting so we stopped frequently. Each time we stopped I had to go into a nearby gas station, convenience store, or restaurant and ask if I could buy two beers: both for Posey. She would make me feel guilty, so guilty for what I had done to her that I felt like I owed it to her to let her drink so much without consequence.

That night…I don’t know…I guess I caught on.

Posey was in her usual berating me about my mother, my behavior, how I was living, why I didn’t have the money to get us out of this situation (mind you I had been paying twice the rent, working 8 hours above board and 7 hours under the table, everyday! just to be broke, Posey would often spend my money on get togethers with her friends often they would trash my character or run up my credit card in the idea that I deserved it). She makes an offhanded comment about my mother, an attempt I had passively let go earlier that day, and I caught her side eye looking right at me as she makes the same comment. I call her out on the repeated use of this insult and why she was intentionally saying it. She gets defensive and starts to smile and play the victim in an attempt to regain control over the conversation. I don’t let up and keep going with all the other inconsistent behavior that I had been noticing, most of which seemed intentional to provoke me in some manner. Posey knows she cant berate me at this time, so she shifts to playing victim and storming off back toward our temporary home, she is yelling how I am not there for her, how I don’t love her, she is hysterical.

Her yelling attracts the attention of some of the local house husbands ready to defend a woman no matter who is in the wrong. Posey doesn’t take advantage, thankfully, and actually agrees with me that I had been solely carrying this relationship while Posey had been spending recklessly like before. I know that captain Dad heard me as he quickly goes back inside. Posey had gotten offended; I was calling her a leech. I think I got in her head a bit because she got up early the next morning and begun to look for a job! She tells me she needs to get her resume together; she needs to look for something simple, she asks me for my laptop, and she needs a little bit of money to get some better shoes and appropriate work clothes. Eagerly, I jump to help! And for a week or so we are doing well she is getting her paperwork together, she had been focusing on her health a bit more, I even was able to work up some extra tips and gained some extra hours so that I could make some more money to help her get the supplies she needed.

It is set up, she has a guaranteed job, all she has to do I show up and do the interview so the shop owner can just meet her and she’s in! I call her a ride and she would be in the interview for about 90 minutes. I waited so eagerly, I looked at my phone perhaps 100 times within that 2 hour time period.

Then 3 hours pass, and Posey doesn’t answer my texts.

5 hours go by, and Posey has her phone turned off. None of my calls go through.

10 hours go by, and I am livid She must have taken the money and run! Barry is asking me if I wanted to go out and look for her. I thought to myself if she is in trouble she deserves it and I wont be there to bail her out this time. I agree with Barry, and we go out for a quick drive to the location, it wasn’t too far. Driving by the shop I notice it had been closed for over an hour already, and there was no sign anyone was in there. I try calling her again, and there is nothing. What could have done? She’s gone and wont answer her phone, she’s an adult so no one can stop her. Barry and I grab something to eat, and we head back home.

All night I am caught between intense anger, overwhelming guilt for letting her go, fear that something bad has happened. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she just played me. I think it was about 4 in the morning, I get a call from Posey, she’s in the local emergency center, she’s scared, and I need to come. Already exhausted, I wake up Barry and we make our way to the medical center, Posey is sitting comfortably with another nurse. Her Dr. comes to me asking how I know her; I tell her we are on-again/ off-again partners. Instantly the Dr. knows something. She tells me to go talk to her, she seems to have had an experience. The nurse gives us the room, but leaves the door open. Immediately I can see Posey is happy with herself, she has a smug smirk on her face. I ask her what happened!?

This is her story:

- She got lost along the way to the interview (The ride she got took her straight there)

- She panicked and walked into a nearby store to ask for directions.

- Took out a pay day loan with the idea that she could pay me back.

- Had an anxiety attack and called an ambulance in the parking lot.

- She doesn’t remember what happened after that.

- She calls me after being checked out in the medical center.

The nurse comes in and asks me to clear up some of my information. Going into the lobby the nurse tells me that isn’t the story that they were told, and her panic attack was caused by something else. They couldn’t tell me exactly what Posey told them, but they said she was picked up at an apartment complex downtown, she seemed calm but intoxicated. I thank them.

Heading back into her room I immediately confront her about where she was, Posey wouldn’t answer. I threaten her with leaving, no sex, the works. Posey didn’t say a word. I’ve had it! I was fed up! I couldn’t take her bullshit anymore and something I never knew was inside me came out that night. I let her have it, I tore her emotions apart, I brought up all the things she told me were secret, I screamed in her face about how big of a hoe she was! I made her feel as though all the pain she had endured within her life she deserved, and she will receive so much more than I for what she has done. I kept it going until my voice was broken and horse, thankfully I never hit her. She was busted, shaking, unable to comprehend all the mess I had just unleashed on her, I told her we were through! I was done I wanted her stuff out of my room, and I wasn’t going to help her leave, if she wasn’t gone by the end of the day… I would get the law involved and Barry would back me up. I leave. The lobby was silent, as I was leaving a nurse, an older woman, pinched my arm to get my attention, she tells me good for you.

The day goes on, normal for the most part, Posey comes back mid-afternoon, she wants to talk. She tells me that she was able to get some help for a ticket back to her hometown, but will trade it in for me if I want to work on us. I can see through her bullshit. I tell her to fuck off. She tries to play the victim, but it doesn’t work. She says she wants to have sex with me one more time as a reminder, my knees go weak for just a moment, but my heart hurts more. I tell her to get lost. Posey tells me she cant get a return ticket if she uses this. Good I say.

Posey tries to fake cry, but I didn’t care. She tells me she’s going, and she won’t come back! I am happy to see her go…and just like that…I saw the last of Posey Jones. I watched as her ride drove off, taking her to wherever it was, she needed to be. I go outside and for a moment I listen to the sound of quiet, the birds chirping in the late afternoon, families come home for the day, the insects coming out readying themselves for the night.

I was free.

For the first time in a long time, I took a good long look at myself in the mirror, and I was ashamed of what I saw. In the blink of an eye, I had wasted almost a decade of my life.

To be continued…

- Thudd Walker.