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Letter to the clouds

A love yearned for

By Natasha CollazoPublished 2 months ago Updated 2 months ago 6 min read
15
Letter to the clouds
Photo by Laura Vinck on Unsplash

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”

– A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 1, scene1 / W. Shakespeare

Recently, I’ve been ‘under the weather’ with writer’s block, feeling like I needed a break to rekindle whatever inspo was burning out.

I reached out to the Vocal-Assist Facebook page for advice. So many proficient and diverse strategies to take a whack at the little ‘inspiration bandit.’

Someone advised writing about the writer’s block, and the feelings that come of it. So I started to form a picture.

Writer’s block feels like a clogged drain. Gunks of hair and grease built up on the inner pipes of my soul, because artistry pours out from the depths of our hearts.

Coming across this new challenge on unraveling love, I bit down, feeling submerged with all the words unsaid. All of the feelings I’ve felt, and all of the ideas that stirred in me to create a heartfelt read of my thoughts on love. This was the boiling water I needed to pour into my sticky idle soul, this prompt.

As I pondered on what I was going to write, I rummaged through the different feelings. I felt pain. I felt excitement. I felt scared.

Love is complicated.

I am single, thirty five, and have never been married or have had any kids. So, as you can imagine, this topic hits a nerve, but one I have and continue to work through often. These things don’t deter or hinder my understanding or beliefs on love.

A common word of advice I received was to write out a list of all the things I desire in a husband and BE THAT. Be that for myself and it will attract the right man.

So, the other night I wrote out my first list prior to stumbling upon this challenge.

I’ve never done this before. It felt kind of disingenuous to write down distinct attributes about a person when I’m really pretty open to anything (although most of my friends and family would refuse to believe that). Well, maybe not just ‘anything’ but I don’t really have a certain type, or height, or style. I’m a firm believer that I can fall in-love with anyone if he’s desirable to me.

But given this advice, I wondered what it even was that was desirable to me. My best friend said her husband was actually given this advice and later in their marriage he showed her the list and she said it was really interesting and intriguing to see. One of the things on his list said “small feet.” She chuckled at that one and said “ the Lord must’ve declined that one.” But overall, she said it was the coolest thing to read.

So, I took a crack at it and wrote mine out. To see it.

As I mused upon each line, the things I wrote started to circulate around the corners of my heart.

  • Patient
  • Compassionate
  • Open to change / Counsel if needed
  • A will to fight for me when I’m messy
  • Loves God first
  • Hears me
  • Encourages and reads my writing
  • Financially stable
  • Self control
  • Loves animals
  • His family likes me

When I finished, I looked at my list immediately, convicted. Was I any of these things?

Patient? Am I patient?

Self control? I snorted at that one, but wow, this little activity was more of an eye-opener for me than it was a prayer for my future husband.

I put a star next to the ones I could work on.

I am single but I’m not young. I’ve been in and out of love, and loving the wrong person, and the wrong person loving me, but one thing I am certain of, is how to love someone.

The most beautiful thing in my exploration of love through out the years is the fight to guard it. Anytime a stronghold is conquered, together you become infinitely one. Loving each other on another level of passion, friendship and partnership because what almost broke the relationship, did not. That’s the proper way to love someone.

Sometimes, I believe so fiercely that this kind of love is waiting for me. The love that’s not effortless but worth sacrificing for.

I know many people who are divorced. My parents are divorced, my sister is divorced, my cousins are divorced, my grandparents are divorced, and to be quite frank, I don’t even blame them! There are so many incidents where I’ve been like “oh heck nah I’d leave too” but for me, coming from a lineage of divorce, I decided, it is too easy of an option for me.

I want to accept the challenge! Because I’m usually the first to leave, but I’m also surrounded by so many couples who depict an everlasting love, not a demanding one. One where there are battle-wounds to show for it. These couples have every right to leave as well, but decided to stride through the trenches. Of course, this is outside of any form of danger, abuse, or any reason to run for your safety, this is not what I mean by “fight through the trenches.”

Disclosure: If you or anyone you know is struggling with an abusive relationship please reach out for options who can help. The beauty of 2024, is there are more resources than ever before for this kind of thing.

I am after a love that challenges divorce, where it can have no place in our vows. Otherwise, why vow? If you break an oath in court it can result in prison time. So that’s the love I yearn for ( plus I’m too old to get married and divorced all in the remainder of my lifetime)- haha!

For me, love is not a feeling, but a commitment that will sway in the hardships of the wind, at times separating and blowing our souls apart, but always working to sail the way back to shore.

Where we look down at our wrinkled hands intertwined in each others.

“Love is not love, Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:O no! it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.”

– Sonnet 116 / W. Shakespeare

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

~1st Corinthians 13:4

“Both of us knowing, Love is a Battlefield”

-Pat Benatar

So, I sealed the letter with a kiss and offered it up to clouds. And now, I wait.

My beloved, I will wait for you.

HumanityDating
15

About the Creator

Natasha Collazo

Werewolf Writer

I get inspired at the mid of night

Stock market by day, howler by night.

✍🏽

Inquiries: [email protected]

Instagram: @sunnycollazo

Do all things in love

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  • Jazzy 2 months ago

    Happy Valentine's Day! And what an article to read on this day. I loved your exploration of love and what you want. I had a list like this when I was younger, and I find it interesting you made sure that you also exhibit the qualities you want in a man. I suppose I have somethings to work on myself. You are still young my dear, and your love is out there!

  • Shirley Belk2 months ago

    Happy Valentines Day (early) to you! I do hope the divorce generational curse is broken in your family and mine, too.

  • This is a powerful exercise, Natasha. I am reminded of this quote, "If you are unwilling to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." Don't settle!

  • J2 months ago

    Powerful and introspective. I myself am a big fan of lists, especially ones you can look back on and laugh.

  • Sandra Tena Cole2 months ago

    This is so sweet and uplifting! So glad you were able to get through your writer's block ❣️ Your way of opening up to love is really lovely, too! x

  • Very well written. When you first mentioned writing a list of attributes my first thought was, "It looks good on paper but not realistic in real life." But then I read your list and I thought that it was actually very reasonable. I'm glad you didn't list anything like 'taller than me,' or 'full head of hair,' those are unreasonable attributes that fall in the 'looks good on paper' category. Most of the things you put on your list are things (if we're being honest) we have to work on our entire lives such as being patient, compassionate, open to change/counsel, listens, self-control. I am 64 and still struggle to varying degrees with those aforementioned. The positive is I am aware of this. Willing to fight for you should also include willing to fight for each other. Financially stable is good. But don't let this one be the top priority. Don't let yourself fall in love with money. But, it is important to fall in love with someone that is at the least independent and is putting forth the effort to work or earn a living in order to keep the basics paid and remain out of debt - food, housing, transportation, etc. Love dies not require a "big black car." The rest on your list are personal preference items which will vary from person to person. Loves God first Encourages and reads my writing Loves animals His family likes me You are an intelligent young lady and you have a lot to offer for the right person. Sorry for ranting on so long. Your list is inspiring to me.

  • Since the end of 2021, I've decided that marriage and kids are not for me as I have no desire for either of those. But before that, yes, but I've never listed out the traits I'd want my husband to have. That being said, I'm making a mental list as I'm typing this comment and so many of the traits that I would like him to be, I'm not! So I gotta work on myself first. So do you. So let's work on ourselves together and hopefully by the time you're done, the man that's perfect for you enters your life. Fingers crossed! 🤞🤞🤞🤞😍😍😍😍

  • Caroline Craven2 months ago

    This is a great article. I really hope you find someone special who totally deserves your love.

  • kp2 months ago

    an excellent meditation! "love is not a feeling, but a commitment that will sway in the hardships of the wind..." stunning and beautifully written. thank you.

  • To quote Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day", "Wow, I'm really close on this one." (Not really. I might qualify on one or two of your list, but no more, lol.) I think your list is excellent & I'm guessing that you're closer to living up to them than you are willing to allow. But everyone can grow & strive to do better. My wife pretty much completes everything on my list but one. Unfortunately, it's the one she knows she can simply do to let me know she loves me. Nineteen & a half years. Still worth fighting for. I join your letter in the clouds with my prayers that you will indeed find the one for whom you will fight & who will fight just as hard for you.

  • Raymond G. Taylor2 months ago

    A relationship made in heaven, Sonnet 116 and Corinthians. I thought I recognised the sentiments. Such a heartfelt article. Well done on getting so early into the challenge.

  • I believe that you have the right view of Love, that which is full of worth. However, the only thing I'd have to disagree with are the "I'm old" statements - definitely not true and you have plenty of time to do all sorts of things! You don't become old until "maybe" your 70's, and even then I've known some people who were "young" in their 90's!

  • Rachel Deeming2 months ago

    Love. Incredibly complex for such a simple thing. This is very honest and I admire you for writing it so candidly.

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