Confessions logo

I Love the Lord

Modern Satire

By Matthew PrimousPublished about a month ago 3 min read

I never thought about being religious much. It never crossed my mind. I just thought if you be a good person that your life will be set before you. That you could become great. I wasn't an atheist. I just did not have a close relationship with God. I definitely did not want to go to Hell and I was not infatuated with demonic stuff. But I was still unsure about life and unsure about what I wanted to do with my life. But then things happened, things you don't expect happened. Diseases, poverty and natural disasters who knows. But everyone goes through something in this life, in this world that is unpredictable. Because if it was predictable then most people would have voided it. I was one of those people. I guess I had it coming but how could you guess I believe things just happen. I Louisa begin imagining things. I just kept seeing stuff. I don't know it appear to me like a thriller. A nightmare that will never end. And it would happen unconsciously and consciously. I just kept having these incidents daily. And I told my doctor and I told my best friend Joyce. They kept happening all of sudden and I would lose my mind. It was just awful that I had to tell the doctor I would not leave his office until he tells me what it is. And the doctor agreed and gave me testing. And the doctor gave me medicine temporarily to ease the sickness. And the next day the doctor said it's some type of mental illness. I was shocked because mental illness does not run in my family. My mother never had it. My father never had it. My grandparents never had it. And it felt like I was dying really really dying and going to hell. Everyday seem like hell. Everyday the devil will appear and say evil stuff. Everyday demons will come out and taunt me. I could not work. I could not hang out around most people or certain people. It was a nightmare. And I finally told my friend Joyce after going through numerous upton amount of tests. Joyce told me she believe it. She told me that we should pray just pray. And I told her I would think about it. Joyce got louder and said Louisa you can't think. You can't function properly. You are living in hell and you don't want help. You don't want assurance. You don't want peace. You don't want hope. You don't want God. God is good. God is greater than your illness. God is greater than your problem. I will pray for you. Pray for you to trust God. God is your doctor. Just listen to this song. And after I was done meeting with Joyce who gave me a CD called I Love the Lord. I hugged Joyce and told her good bye. That night was awful something was trying to take me out. Something had grip me and I was struggling to sleep. and I got up and heard a voice say listen to the CD. And I listen and begin crying profusely. I never listened to church music lately. But I was missing something and I put the CD on replay all night. And I fell to my knees and said God if you are there in Heaven on the Throne, forgive me. Forgive me for not listening to you. Forgive me for not believing in you. Help me, help me Father. If you healed me touch me right now I will run from Hell. I will run with you. I will do your will. In Jesus name Amen. And I kept the CD on and took some more medicine and slept on the sofa with a blanket and pillow. And I slept and I did it again and again and again. Eventually, I finally told my doctor and Joyce gave me a Bible after telling her. And she prayed with me and I got saved and begin reading daily. And that's my life with a mental illness, I trust God reading his word and praying and praising Him. And testifying and being thankful, my relationship is closer. And taking my medicine, now I've been changed and for God I live no matter what for God I die.

Secrets

About the Creator

Matthew Primous

I am a Black Scholar, International Scholar, & Google Scholar, & 3-Time Eber & Wein Best Poet., Nominee for Poet of the Year, 2020 Black Author Matters Winner, 2 time Akademia Excellence Essayists,& 2022 Honorary Muckrack Journalist.

Enjoyed the story?
Support the Creator.

Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.

Subscribe For Free

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

    MPWritten by Matthew Primous

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.