Lessons Learned in the Shallows

Lessons Learned in the Shallows

I must have been six, or maybe seven - visiting my cousins and swimming in the pool. Not that I really knew how to swim. We were playing. My cousins knew how to swim well. My two younger brothers took to it well, also. It seemed easy for them.

I was in the shallow end of the pool, when I went underwater. I don’t think I meant to. I started somersaulting underwater, panicking, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t find the surface.

I was finally able to catch myself. I climbed out of the pool and went to tell my parents what happened. They were sitting and chatting at the table with my aunt and uncle, likely enjoying beverages as well. They didn’t see what happened. Even though tears streamed, I was laughed at and dismissed casually as I tried to explain my terrifying experience.

That was the day I learned to stifle my fears and emotions.

I have never gotten over my fear of water, I have spent plenty of time in the water throughout summers with friends. I am a weak swimmer and can’t stand being splashed.

I was forced to take swimming lessons for a week one summer the community pool. I sat on the edge of the pool and cried until the last day, when the sun came out. I decided I was willing to try then. I at least got in the water with the encouragement of the instructor.

I did not learn how to swim. I did learn that I could get into the water without drowning, and that I could be very determined.

One summer, in fifth grade, I think, I was forced to attend summer camp with a friend for a long weekend. I did not enjoy it. One of the activities was swimming in the lake. We were tested to determine in which group we would be placed. My friend was a good swimmer. I was painfully shy. She wanted to stay in the lowest group with me. The directors wouldn’t let her. They split us up for that activity. It was not enjoyable. It was scary and unfun, which did not make me feel any better about being sent to camp, where it rained and was cold the whole time and we ate poorly cooked banana pancakes prepared over the campfire.

I did learn the value of having a well-intentioned friend. I also learned that the people in charge don’t always have the best answers, nor do they listen to kids.

In my thirties, I went to the cabin on the lake with my fiancé to meet more of the family. They had a gathering every summer around the Fourth of July. His sister would be there. This was my first time meeting her as she lived in Colorado. Later, she, someone else, my fiance, and I decided to go in the water by the sauna. I was hesitant to enter the lake, but with very clear explanation that I was not a good swimmer, nor comfortable in the water, and they would not splash me. They all firmly agreed. I waded my way in. My fiancé’s sister splashed me. I doggy-paddled away. She laughed at me. I was an easy target for her passive-aggressive behavior.

Finally, I learned my lesson - people often don’t mean what they say, and they are unreliable. The only person I can rely on is myself.

All of my life, it seems I’ve been surrounded by people who are extremely comfortable with swimming and engaging in water sports. They cannot comprehend my fear. I watch them with fascination.