Lessons I Have Learned From Reconnecting With People From The Past.

One thing that meeting people from the past has taught me is that people do and do not really change. By this I mean that who we remember them to be remains a constant but then based on their life experiences all the good and bad traits we know of them are either amplified or suppressed.

I recently reconnected with a wonderful lady called Josephine who was like a big cousin to me in my BA University days and, although now our interactions are on social media because we live in different countries, she continues to treat and interact with me the same loving way I remember from back then leaving hardly any doubt in my mind that she still thinks the world of me. I never understood why she liked me or bothered about my well being. I knew a few good people like that but time and distance has pulled us all apart. I know that when we meet again their disposition towards me won't change. To them, I hope to have changed for better and I am determined to be a lot more reciprocal should I be given the opportunity to interact with them again.

One surprising reconnection I made a couple of years ago was with a former classmate from secondary school who everyone knew to be a bully. It was nice to run into a familiar face in London, and even nicer that we were both interested in music production and well...being creative. Even though I felt a little hesitation, this interaction made me feel younger again because I was transported back in time and chose to bury the negative aspects of that period. I was optimistic that perhaps life had panel beat some of those mean traits out of him; my poor reasoning accrued to the fact that he had a girlfriend who lived with him and seemed happy which meant he probably wasn't a monster anymore haha! Since life had not been so good to him, I mistook his 'meekness' for positive change until a moment of self preservation presented itself and he quickly threw me under the bus. I cried about it for days. But here we are laughing about it now. I hope I never run into him again but I have learned if you didn't like someone in the past (or they didn't like you), it is very likely that the same scenarios will occur in the present should we give them the chance.

However I have heard of couples who had a rough start in their relationships which didn't ease and went their separate ways but life later caused their paths to cross again. They eventually got married and had kids (or not) and lived happily ever after. This teaches me that we can know the worst things of a person and still love them for who they are or even for no reason at all.

Some of the greatest help in difficult times I received was from people who I felt in our previous connections weren't quite so kind but the second time around, they proved to me how really good we all can be if we decide to. I am grateful for the times an old classmate or schoolmate gave me a place to stay when I was stranded at a new town, or money and other kinds of help to at least see me through the next mile.

Reconnecting with people from the past has often been a wake up call to me about certain attitudes I have that are not constructive and life giving and so I have learned to check myself in the light of each encounter. Asking myself questions such as;

1. What did I give in the encounter?

2. What did I receive in the encounter?

3. Could I have been a better communicator and set firmer boundaries?

...And the list could go on but then I catch myself and remember that how people treat others has a lot more to do with how they feel about themselves than how they do the person on the receiving end.

Reconnections are not mandatory. We all have a choice and can walk away if it feels like the better thing to do however, I have come to the conclusion that everybody deserves a second chance.

You may be surprised how much of a difference to a person's character, demeanour and attitude a little love and vote of trust can do.