I, Willhelm

Alice's husband hated it when people asked him how life was at home with a new baby. Ever since he had been born the entire world had moved for him, his young son firmly in the centre of his universe. But Alice seemed to have disappeared in the process. Most of the time when he was asked what life was like now, it was easy to deflect and reply with typical short sentences; not sleeping much, I guess that’s part of the process. We’re tired but well. Loving being a dad.

That last part was one of the few replies that could get an emotion from him. He did love being a dad. The moment he had first held their baby it had felt like he'd suddenly found the source of all the light in the world. He loved the way the baby would reach up for him and smile a gummy toothless smile. He loved being able to hold the baby in his arms like a hairless pink koala. His hairless pink koala. Being a dad was everything he’d ever wanted, but he still dreaded coming home each night. She would smile, sometimes she would even have some coffee ready for him when he got back, but as soon as her head was turned away from the baby her smile would drop like a curtain and a cold darkness seemed to radiate from her. She even did this with the baby. Every time it cried she would make a frustrated groan, only pulling together a smile when she was within sight of the baby. She just seemed empty.

He felt alone.

*

It had taken her over 2 hours to do the shopping. Thankfully the baby had been calm this time and nobody had made the typical comments, glares and tut’s Alice had come to expect from people. The robot watched from the corner of the kitchen, waiting for her to ask for assistance.

“Oh for goodness sake! The robot is right there. Ask it to help you!” Nadia yelled at the screen.

Joan said nothing, her noise blocking headphones firmly pressed over her ears.

Just as the last item of food was put away Alice looked up and realised that the robot had been watching her the whole time.

“Oh fuck, I should have asked you for help.” Alice sighed, and scratched at her head in frustration.

“This woman is an idiot.” Nadia laughed.

“Fuck you!” Joan whispered.

This time Nadia did not hold back. “No, you fuck off! What the hell is your problem?”

“You’re my problem! This woman has just had a baby, she’s still torn up from the birth, she’s trying to do everything and you’re being an asshole! You have no idea what it’s like having a baby! It fucking ruins you! Your insides feel like they’re going to drop out every time you sneeze. She’s not ignoring the robot is there, she just fucking forgot!”

“It’s literally there!” Nadia yelled back, pointing at the screen. “ How can she forget? All she has to do is talk and tell it what to do!”

“She has to remember to do that. It’s hard remembering anything extra after you’ve had a baby. She’s can’t even shit without pain, do you think she wants to feel useless as well?”

“My mum had six kids and she never behaved like this. She wasn’t useless” Nadia laughed.

Joans eyes sharpened to pin points. “Oh, so your mum is one of those shitty lucky woman. And because she was lucky she thinks everyone else is being lazy. Then she makes more shitty women like you who are too stupid to understand that not everyone has the same kind of luck!”

Before Nadia could reply Alice suddenly began to cry, hunched on the floor, her hands over her face. They both looked at each other confused as the camera showed her getting closer. Neither of them knew why she was crying.

The robot put it’s hand on Alice’s shoulder and she looked up.

“Would you like me to make you a tea?” The robot’s voice asked gently.

“What the hell?” Joan muttered. “It’s not meant to do that!”

Alice stared back, and eventually nodded. “Yes. Yes, please.”

The robot took her hand and helped her over to the couch, it’s gestures slow and careful. Alice stared at it, just as confused as Joan and Nadia.

“This isn’t good.” Joan picked up her phone and pressed a number at the bottom of her list of contacts. “Hello? It’s Joan Crawford. I think we have a variant in robot 073. Yes, it’s urgent.”