I, Willhelm

The start of the day began with the robot announcing that the first 3 days of the trial had been completed and that it would now be able to walk around the house and assist with domestic tasks, as per the agreement. Alice looked back it at it blankly from the kitchen table with a cold cup of tea in front of her. She had been up most of the night and the baby was still attached to her; feeding without a care in the world.

“Oh good. You need the help.” Alice’s husband smiled from the kitchen sink.

Alice’s face twitched and she turned to look at him with a mixture of shock and hurt on her face, unsure from his tone if he was frustrated or relieved. “I am trying”.

The next day, once her husband was gone Alice walked up to the robot and ordered it to clean.

“What would you like me to clean?”

“Everything.” Alice whispered, defeated.

Her husband had barely spoken a word to her. She had tried to make small talk, something to help her feel connected to him and not just stuck in a constant cycle of pain, cleaning and baby screaming. She remembered how he had looked at her on her wedding day. He had liked her then. Now, she wasn’t so sure. He never smiled at her anymore, let alone talked to her about something that wasn't planning the day. She missed him desperately.

Alice watched as the robot cleaned everything. The stove, the oven, the hood, everything. It moved the fridge and cleaned behind it. She had been trying to clean that for weeks, but every time she tried the tear from the birth would ache in a way that knocked the wind from her lungs. Now, it was spotless, shining as though brand new. Alice began to cry. No doubt now he would notice that the house was clean.

Hearing her cry the robot walked over to the living room, but Alice quickly got up and locked herself in the toilet.

He doesn’t smile at me anymore.

She shuffled on the toilet seat, unable to sit normally, afraid that she would somehow tear some more. It had been almost three months since that awful day. Everything about it had been terrible. The anxiety, the pain, the vomiting. Not like the previous nine months had been easy either. This had been the second time she was pregnant, but only the first time she had managed to keep it. Those nine months had been brutal, with several scares, vomiting throughout, and static pain that made movement a constant source of pain.

Alice couldn’t believe she was thinking it, but now she almost wished she was back to how it was before. This current state was so much worse. At least then she had been able to go to the toilet like a normal human being, without being afraid that her insides might fall out from a sneeze, or her stitches tear open from a bowl movement. She’d lost count of the times she’d stood up and seen a small river of blood in the toilet bowl, or had to lean forward at an uncomfortable angle to stop urine touching her stitches. Even more importantly, he like her then. He’d noticed when she winced, or seemed out of breath. All of that had ended when the baby was born.

From upstairs the baby began to cry and Alice groaned, her head against the wall. It was never ending.

“Fuck my life.” She whispered, opened the door and hobbled up the stairs.

“It’s ok! It’s ok, I’m here, mama’s here.” She whispered and cuddled the baby.

“Can I help?”

“NO!” Alice jumped, startled and roared at the robot. “Fuck off!” She slammed the door did her best to calm the frightened baby, her heart still pounding and everything spinning, a cold sweat breaking out over her face.

“Shuush. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.” Alice winced and shuffled uncomfortably. Something new hurt down there.

“Fuck.” Alice whispered.

* * *

It took over an hour to calm the baby. She tried to shuffle onto her side, the baby in her arms, but every time she put even a little bit of weight down onto her pelvic floor she felt as though she’d sat on a razor blade. Eventually she gave up, and fed the baby leaning against the wall, her phone in her hand to call an ambulance. Her head was still spinning, and the cold sweat had gotten so bad that she could feel her shirt sticking to her. I think I’m going to faint. I mustn’t faint, I’ll drop the baby,

“Robot!” Alice shouted at the door. “Let the paramedics in when they knock!”

By the time they arrived Alice had managed to put the baby back down to sleep and made her way down the stairs. The walked in surprised - the area didn’t exactly scream wealthy enough to have a personal robot. Alice was waiting for them in the kitchen, leaning over the table for support.

“I think I’ve managed to rip my stitches. I don’t feel right.”

The paramedics nodded and placed their large bags down at the table. The man stayed in front of Alice asking her what had happened, and the woman grabbed a pair of gloves to examine her.

“So you gave birth recently?”

“Three months ago.”

“Do you mind if I have a look?”

Alice shook her head.

The paramedic gently lifted her skirt and winced. “Ooh, that’s looks quite uncomfortable.”

“I can’t sit down.” Alice, faked a smile. “It hurts to do much.”

“There’s not much we can do I’m afraid. You have a few fissures, there’s a cream we can suggest. That does help, but otherwise you need to rest.”

“I can’t! I have things to do! I need to start cooking dinner soon! I’ve been trying to clean the kitchen all day, I still need to iron the shirts! I need to do the food shopping! I need to work so I can earn some money”—

Upstairs the baby began to gurgle again and Alice burst into tears.

The paramedics flashed each other a look. “Can you order a pizza?”

“We’re trying to save money to fix the roof! We don’t have money for treats.”

The male paramedic nodded at his college and began to pack. The woman sat down next to Alice and took her hand.

“Is this your first baby?”

Alice nodded, sobbing.

“I get it. you feel overwhelmed, your body feels strange, but it is going to get better. I felt like I was loosing my mind for the first year.”

“When?”

“When what?”

“When does it start to get better?”

“When you start to rest.”

Alice seemed to shrink at the reply.

“Sorry for calling you out. It felt like it was worse than this.”

“Don't be sorry, it’s better safe than sorry.” The woman nodded. “Try and book a GP appointment if it doesn’t get better soon.”

Alice thanked them and let the robot walk them to the door.

There was still 2 hours before she normally began to cook dinner, and somehow the baby was still asleep. She didn’t want to risk going upstairs, so the couch was the best option. Without realising it several minutes passed as she tried to decided what to do. She knew she needed sleep, and the house was clean, but the baby was also likely to wake just as she got to sleep, and that would be so much harder than just staying awake. There was also the problem of dinner.

“Robot? Can … do you know how to cook?”

“Yes, I can cook. What would you like me to prepare?” The robot walked around the corner and looked at her, both it’s hands pressed together eagerly.

“Nothing. I want to do it.I’m still useful.” Alice growled and walked towards the sofa. “Go charge yourself or something.”

Before she pulled a blanket over her Alice made sure to turn on a timer for two hours.

* * *

Three hours later Alice woke with a start as the front door opened and she heard her husband’s voice. In a daze she looked over at her phone and realised that she had set the tracker, and not the timer.

“Hello?” Her husband walked up to give her a kiss.

“How was your day?”

“Good. Good.” Alice kissed him back and walked as quickly as she could into the kitchen. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time, dinner will be ready as soon as I can.”

“Oh”— he sounded disappointed.

Alice hurried and tried to think of something quick she could make. Omelette was the obvious choice, but she didn’t have enough eggs. A quick rice and steamed veggie meal would also be reasonably quick, but the meat hadn’t been defrosted, and he would want protein in the meal.

Without realising it Alice moved from one side of the kitchen to the other, opening draws, pausing, opening the fridge, pausing.

“I’ll be quick. I’ll be quick.” She muttered, her brain unable to focus on one train of thought at a time.

Eventually she settled on a cheese toasty. Thankfully, there was just about enough cheese in the fridge. She placed it down on the plate in front of him, relieved and sat down, carefully.

He husband looked down at the toasty and sighed.

“Alice, do you remember the conversation we had a few days ago about meals?”

Alice’s smile dropped.

“Listen, I’m a teacher. I need proper food, I can’t keep eating like this. I need to have energy so I can go to work and pay the mortgage. You need to eat too! You’re loosing too much weight. Can you promise me you’ll try a little harder and eat?”

“I’m trying.” Alice whispered.

“Look, I’m just going to have to stop caring if you can’t eat. It’s too painful seeing you do this to yourself.”

Alice nodded. Her eyes went blank.

* * *

Busy making his lunch, he didn’t hear or notice the look his wife gave him. He packed, his food, bag and books, quickly kissed his wife and left. Alice scowled at the robot.

“How would you like me to assist you?” It asked.

“I want you to go away. I didn’t ask for your help, I’m only doing this so we can fix the roof.”

The robot blinked and walked back to the corner of the kitchen. For the next several hours it watched as Alice forced herself to clean the house in-between feeds. The baby seemed to absolutely despise being left alone for long. The few times Alice would try and make it a bed on the kitchen floor so she could work, it would start to whine almost immediately. Alice would try and ignore it, but the sound was unbearable. After half an hour she gave and picked up the baby, groaning as she did so and reaching between her legs. She had torn a little bit, again. The sink was still full of dishes.

Alice’s husband returned the same time he usually did - at exactly 5pm. Alice sat up from the couch and realised that time had gotten away from her. He glanced over at her, nodded, and then noticed the dishes that still remained in the skink.

“Ugh, the dishes are still there.”

Alice’s smile dropped.

“What happened? Didn’t the robot help?”

“I wanted to do it myself.”

Her husband groaned and rolled his sleeves up to start washing, every pot and pan loudly clinking together as he did so. Alice sat, holing the baby, starting into the distance.

How is this my life?