I was unable to find true love, i ventured into hookup

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"I want to express my frustration with love and relationships. My eyes have seen chaos on these streets, I really don’t know what it is but nothing seems to be working for me.

A few years ago, I fell in love with this guy back in my university days, my love for this guy was so strong cause he was my first love. Being so inexperienced in love matters, this guy used me and played on my intelligence.

He would cheat on me right before my own eyes and still emotionally blackmail me into forgiving him and taking him back. It went on for a few months until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I was hurt and battered, but I moved on eventually. During my NYSC, I met this girl called Monica, we got really close, and we even rented an apartment and lived together. Monica took me on a sexual journey; she taught me a lot of things and spoiled me to the core.

We started sleeping together; she made me turn into a lesbian. I fell deeply in love with her; it was a new experience and I was hoping it would last. I finally thought I had found love in a woman since I couldn’t find it in a man, little did I know that this was just temporary.

After our service year, I never heard from Monica again. I called and called but she wouldn’t pick. She just vanished from my life. After a year, I got over her and started to focus on my life. I almost got depressed; I felt like I wasn’t worth loving. If a man and a woman can break my heart, then maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved. I still got over everything and moved on.

After a few months, I became friends with this married man; he became my sugar daddy. Somehow we started having sex, and I fell in love with him. I fell so deeply and helplessly for him because he was my father, my guardian, my moneybag, and my best friend.

He took good care of me, and I never lacked anything at all. He was even telling me that he would marry me as his second wife, and to be honest, I was ready to be a second wife cause I really loved him.

My sugar daddy broke up with me and told me that he wants to focus on his family, that he doesn’t want to do this anymore. I went home and cried my eyes out. That was the third time I was heartbroken; I almost killed myself cause this man helped me heal from depression and now he was leaving me. I was so down emotionally, psychologically, and physically; love had failed me for the third time.

I picked up myself again and moved on with life. I started doing hook-ups; I didn’t give a f*ck about love anymore. I had seen enough chaos to ever try love again.

So I stopped trying; I did hook-ups full time. I didn’t care about feelings, one-night stands, flings, and all kinds of no-strings-attached relationships.

Love has really dealt with me; right now, I don’t even believe in love. I don’t think it exists; it’s just a myth. The heart of man is wicked cause how’s it possible that I’ve loved a guy, been a lesbian, and had a sugar daddy yet I still got heartbroken; someone please make it make sense to me."

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