How Jesus Reaches out to a Chinese Girl

Like many Chinese people, I was born in a non Christian family. When I grew up, I received the atheist education. I never truly understood what Christianity meant even though I heard about this religion when I studied history at school.

When people grow up, there will be times you suddenly experience spiritual enlightment. It happened to me when I was about 13 or 14 years old. That's the time when people start to think and reason as an individual. I remembered so clearly that moment. I was ready to sleep and I lied down on my bed. I looked at the window and saw the clowds in the sky moving so fast. The clouds were like running in an incredible fast speed. It was before the coming of Typhoon, which was very common in Shanghai in summer. But it awed me so much that I began to think about the limitation of human being and felt fear in my heart toward the nature, or more accurately...to the creator.

Once we starte to realize how limited time we may live on the earth, we will start to think about the real meaning for our lives. We, human beings are all philosophers in the things related to our souls. In our deep hearts, we speak like Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity."

When I was young, my parents lived in two different cities because of their work. I grew up with my mother. She cared me so much. But I did feel some lacking caused by my absent father. I buried my emotions in the heart and had an earnest desire for love. However, instead of God, I turned to many secular things to try to fill my empty soul. The story of the samaritan woman is the real spiritual reality of many. Arrogant fallen sinners who are far away from God keep looking for things in the way of the samaritan woman keep finding husbands to the point of five husbands to fill up the thirst in the souls. Because we have forsaken the spring of living water and have dug our own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. Spiritually I am just like the adulterous woman in John 8 and really don't realize how much sin has taminated and distorted the soul. If a person has not tasted the love and grace of heavenly father, if he or she has never encountered the beauty and holiness of the Holy Spirit by praying, if the soul has never been grasped and marved at the glory of heaven and the deep truth drawn from wells of salvation like refreshing and clear water, he or she will definitely be trapped and allured by filthy earthly things.

Things grew worse for me during my college year. I felt a deep loss with my self identity in my freshman year. I was always trying to let myself fit for the social standards and the opinions of others. That's because I lost my real root and self identity in God. I was broken, nervous and desperate. I was driven by my deep arrogance to try to live on my own ability without peace and joy in my heart. I pretend I was good and capable but asking my self "who am I" quietly in my soul.

When there is no way out for man, God will make a way through. God's hand reached out to me when I was in my sophomore. I was introduced to a small student fellowship near the school. The first Bible message I heard was "Cain and Abel". The first praising song touched my heart was a Chinese song "what if" by Lambmusic.

"If my existence is just like a shooting star across the night sky, why do I long for eternity?

If my appearance is just an unexpected coincidence, why do I long to be loved

(Jesus) If your appearance is just like a shooting star across the night sky, I will not wait hard for you

If your appearance is just an unexpected coincidence, I won't trade it with my life"

I remembered I cried to tears when I listened to this song in my dormitary, replaying it again and again, and asking God in my heart "Do you really love me? Do you really love a person like me?"

Let's be honest. We are so vulnerable in love. We are created to be loved by God. Our souls are so despearte for his love but we are so afraid to open our hearts to him.

However, the Holy Spirit is whispering gently to us "Yes, you know I love you."