"Friends"

Hi , just watching some youtube videos.Some Indonesian funny show.Already 2.21 am.Dont really have much to write but have a milion story and situastion in my head to express.But the case is, I dont really have anyone to share my story,jokes,or problem.I personally really felt that i am kinda funny guy because whenever my friend around me,they always laugh at my joke.But remember,they just ordinary friends.I dont know is it just me or what,i dont really trust them to share my problem and whats going on in my mind lately.After so many years we are becoming friends,i dont think they will took my problem seriously and really cocerned about me.After that,i realized that when we grown up,each humanity on this world have their or problem to take care and handle with.

So,now all my friends already have their own path like some go to university and few people of my friends like to work,so they start to work at the company that they want to.Sometimes,whenever they have like a free time or their off day,they always ask me to hang out or go anywhere with them.But I think this is the bad side of me,I dont really feels like want to because I found out that whenever I hang out with anyone,I get bored quickly,and this also because they always playing their phone while talking and chatting.Thats really annoyed me and I always feels like stupid for being there.Thats really wasting my time even though I dont have anything important to do at home,still I felt like I can do something more fun and meaningful by myself,alone.

After that,I dont really feels like friends is a right place to heal myself or mind.They just like full your free and leisure time.But I heard a lot of people around me said that friendship is one of the greatest thing on our life or something like that.I am like ??????.Really?.Why all my entire life I dont really feels like that ever.Maybe I am the one that dont really appreciate people arounds me.Maybe.

I think my advantages are I really can act in front of anyone that I am really like them or happy being around them.Actually I dont.I am known as someone that really cant take anything seriously.I am always playing and joke around.At some point,I think my personality is super good because a lot of people can laugh and being happy because of me.But when I start to enter the field of employment,my manager and other staff dont really believe in my work because they saw me always smile and laugh.They assumed that I would also play around with my work as well.Until they only give light tasks such as taking notes, photocopying paper and various other tasks that do not involve heavy and important calculations.

Severels times I told them that I may look like someone who always playing around but whenever I start to work,I am a very serious person but still they dont really believe and take me seriously.They just laugh at me and still think I make a joke about my explaination.Start from that I realized that my personality is super stupid and not professional.The reason i said this because I shared my problems with my friends once,I am really serious and really hope that someone can listen and help me with my thing,but end up they just laugh and tell me its nothing and still think I am joking and being not serious.At that time I really really felt like all people around me kinda useless for me.But when I think 99 times again,I am the one that not grateful for what god has given.These all the situation that really matured me and made me know how to find a true and real best friends and partners to share anything with.English is not my first language,so please excuse it.Thanksss.