Confessions of an Angry Woman

Do you ever feel as if you constantly draw the short straw? If so, then welcome to my life....

Let me start by saying I am well aware of my overall position in life. That what I am about to describe could be considered "first world problems". That what I do have is more than some other people out there. But that doesn't mean I have to like it or that life isn't a struggle. Life struggles look different for everyone - this is what is looks like for me....

I am a married white female with a steady job and a loving husband. I do not have any children and have two fur babies: a dog and a cat. Our income is decent and we are gifted enough to have money left over after all of our bills are paid. But for as many gifts as life gives us, it also takes away just as much - or seems to at least.

As long as my husband and I don't make any plans, things are great! Bills get paid, money left over - yay shopping! The moment we decide on something - anything? Things go to hell in a hand basket.

My parents gifted me an all expenses paid (minus personal spending money) cruise to Canada with my mother, which included a weekend in New York City. We've known about this for almost a year now which is approximately that same amount of time we've known better than to "officially" plan for anything. As usual, life had other plans.....

Shortly before leaving for this vacation my husband got a call that his father was put in hospice care and wasn't expected to make it. We knew he wasn't doing well but weren't expecting everything to happen so quickly. So we had to switch gears, again, and plan for my husband to drive to Maryland. By itself, no big deal and totally doable - except when we also have to board the dog since neither of us will be home to take care of her. We were thankfully able to have someone come check on the cat, though.

So the money we set aside for this vacation is suddenly gone. I came with what I could but New York is expensive and most of it's gone already with a full week of vacation still to go. Immediately after we get home from our respective trips? A P!ink concert in Omaha - another gift from my generous parents. I have no idea how we're going to be able to afford to get there, have dinner, enjoy the show, and drive home. We don't want to sell the tickets and keep the money, not for something that was gifted to us. We could sell the tickets and offer my parents the money, but that still feels wrong. After a breakdown over dinner a very patient mother, I am embarrassed and ashamed for several reasons.

1. I am going to be 40 years old soon and should have my life together.

2. I am mad at myself for melting down.

3. I am mad at myself for melting down in public.

4. I am mad at the universe for putting me and husband in this situation again.

5. I am mad at my hard headedness that put me in this situation to begin with this weekend. (I insisted on trying to pay for part of my way, at least while we are in New York).

Who did I anger in a past life to deserve a version of life this difficult? I realize it could be far worse and my life has been far worse. I gave up on "perfect" a long time ago because perfection is subjective. But, when does it stop? The harder we try the faster we fall....