Why am I here?
How writing is helping more than I realize.
After reading some stories from others who have confessed their reasons for writing, I am inspired to share my own.
The pandemic has changed me in ways I never expected but let's be honest, anyone who says the pandemic didn't change them in some way, shape, or form, is telling a bold faced lie. I am a 39 year old female and feel as if I could be the poster child of late in life diagnosis of ADHD and Anxiety. I'll spare you the details of my medication journey since I've covered that in another story (No Manual for This). I am now medication free and learning to navigate life with two mental illnesses that feed off of each other and can keep me incredibly high strung if I let them.
I first found the Vocal platform after my mother shared one of their contests with me on Facebook. I didn't enter the contest because I didn't have the money to be a Vocal+ member at the time, but the concept of a website where I could write whatever came to mind intrigued me. In fact, a secret wish of mine has always been to be a writer of some kind but I didn't want the added pressure of deadlines, editors telling me what to do or not do, or publishers pushing for things I didn't really want to ruin what I've always found relaxing. So I decided to do with this what I do best - dive in head first and figure the rest out later. Recklessness that I've come to learn is a telltale sign of ADHD. Unlike recklessness in finances or life in general, the only thing I risk here is no one reading what I write. The best case scenario is that I get enough hits to make some money - not a lot but not $0.
The more I thought about it the more I realized I'm not in it for the money. I'm doing this for me, to clear my head of the jumbled ideas that go off like fireworks 24/7/365. A creative tornado, lightning storm, and fireworks show all at the same time. 500 internet explorer tabs open at once and no idea which one of them is playing music. In addition to all of that, I've always had wacked out dreams, nightmares, and night terrors that I've recently learned can be a symptom of anxiety. ADHD rules my waking life while Anxiety rules my sleeping life leaving me to function as some form of permanently exhausted pigeon. I dream of the macabre and worry about the future.
The penultimate goal is for this space to become an outlet for my thoughts and endless creativity. I plan to write anything and everything that comes to mind - recently it's been several erotic stories but that isn't going to be the crux of my writing. I also plan to write stories inspired by my crazy dreams and am currently planning a multi-part murder series. Yes - I dream about murder along with whatever else my twisted anxiety ridden psyche can come up with. Stories about passion projects of mine, my photography, etc. Stories about whatever my mind chooses to hone in on at that point in time. All with the hopes that I can function better in the real world with one less thought dancing around my brain.
So here I am, 5-6 stories in and wondering what in the heck I'm doing here. This is crazy. I'm crazy. But is this crazy? This may be one of the best ideas I've had in a long time. I'm always journaling or coming up with ideas for stories that never go anywhere and now they can. My mind is constantly spinning....'Round and 'round it goes, where it stops? Nobody knows.....
About the Creator
Elizabeth Brown
I’m Elizabeth Brown and I write whatever comes to mind - erotica, fiction, erotic fiction, and so many others I haven’t even discovered. Care to explore just the tip?
Reader insights
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Very well written. Keep up the good work!
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Compelling and original writing
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Keep reading
More stories from Elizabeth Brown and writers in Confessions and other communities.
To The Girl I used to Be
Dear seventeen-year-old me, I want to tell you how much I loved you. Now as a thirty-two-year-old trans-man, I love you more than you think people did. And believe me sweetheart, lots of people love you. Your Mom loves you so much. Grandma and Grandpa love you. Trevor loves you in his own annoying sort of way.
By Raphael Fontenelle5 days ago in Confessions
The day I became ruthless (fiction)
There are a handful of events that can drastically change a person’s life from being a loving, kind-hearted being to a cold and ruthless being. When I meet ruthless people, I always wonder what their backstory could have been, because I don’t think they were born that ruthless, cold, and mischievous, like every villain. they must have had a series of events or a specific one that pushed them over the edge and turned them into what they are.
By real Jema3 days ago in Confessions
Comments (25)
I love exploring the reason behind sharing writing on this space. Thank you for an insightful read.
Hi everyone! My name is Michael. I really enjoyed this story! I am a new vocal storywriter. Please check my stories and be sure to rate them in the comments section so i can improve in anything. Hope you nothing but greatness. Big thanks to you in advance! https://vocal.media/authors/michael-stephens
Thanks for sharing your story!
Is this a mirror I see before me? I may not have any diagnosis [yet] but girl, I feel you 100%! Im also new here and just coming to terms. I have some saved up stories and am going to start penning down some thoughts and musings. The nightmares and weird dreams and writing dark things - I'm right there with you.
Very well written. Keep up the good work! You can check my work too!!
Really loved how you crafted your story. Fabulous! Would be subscribing and reading more of your published work. Well done.
Well done sister keep going
You are an inspiration. I use to writing to escape. Escape could mean many things, but you my dear, could probably be successful off self publishing. Write a story, and publish it yourself. No editors (I volunteer as tribute, if you need one.), no deadlines. Your own pace. Your own story.
While it would be great if I could make a bit of money with Vocal, just writing here and seeing my work in print helps keep me calm. Encouraging comments from other writers keeps me going. Putting my thoughts and emotions into words seems to be my therapy. It beats paying for one.
You’re exactly where you need to be and sounds like there’s a lot of stories waiting to be written about arriving at your destination. Congratulations on your Top Story 🎉
Amongst the prevalence, we feel you ❤️💯😉📝👍😊Thank you for sharing this 😊🌟💖🎉CONGRATULATION ON YOUR TOP STORY🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Hi Elizabeth! While I don’t have ADHD or anything else like it, my younger sibling and dad do (and mighty powerful too) so I have some understanding of how you feel. Can’t live with it without adopting some learned behaviour 😅 I’m so happy you’re on Vocal with us! This platform has become maybe the most important outlet I’ve ever had and im loving the journey! I think I’m 43 stories in and that’s just insane to me, but I hope you have an amazing time with us! Also, 24/7/365 means you get at least one day off every leap year right? 😅 Congrats on getting top story!
Great top story, and I completely relate with all the tabs open!!!!
Congratulations OnTop Story!!! Authentic and fantastically written!!!♥️♥️💕
Thanks for putting this out there, Elizabeth, and for choosing to create. Congratulations on a very well deserved Top Story! My son, now an adult, was diagnosed in elementary school. Fortunately, we had the guidance of a young but brilliant woman assigned as his counselor to understand and manage it. We went down the medication rabbit hole and I won't even say the "R" word. I finally told his doctor that he would no longer be taking it. He worked his way into the mainstream classes and graduated drug-free.
Love the honesty of this piece! So happy you are here, and your reason for doing this crazy writing thing is absolutely perfect and relatable. Congrats on top story!
Thanks for sharing. Really well written. Congrats on top story :)
Very well done, courageous and uplifting. You have the perfect reason to be here. Congrats on the Top Story. You have a new subscriber.
Thank you for sharing this and getting a deserved Top Story. If you are on Facebook feel free to join us in Vocal Social Society and share some of your stories
I really loved the honesty of this piece. It is very brave also! I for one am glad you are writing here!
You're very honest about your brand and your dreams 👏😍 very cool! I enjoyed your account of your writing journey! Keep writing and don't give up
A courageous and authentic exploration of self through writing, showing resilience in the face of challenges. Inspiring!
Whatever helps...whatever you can write...keep it going... Great TS! 🏅
I concur with Mother Combs below. Doing it for you, to clear your head, is perhaps one of the best reasons to write and to write on a platform like Vocal. I've now subscribed, on the basis of this piece alone. I enjoyed your honesty and I share a lot of the same issues with my own mind, although I have never been diagnosed officially. Well done on Top Story!
The best reason to be here, in my opinion. <3