Casino One Arm Bandit

That dam Casino slot machine is calling my name! It's that regular donation time to the lottery corporation, and it's calling me. "David, David, come David" You can almost picture it. A dark cloud resembling a slot machine hovering over my head, doing the collapsing of the index finger gesture! It's that time, David! It's that dam one-armed bandit calling my name again! The same machine that keeps stealing my money!

Did you know that a one armed bandit is referred to as a "slot machine" in Casino language?

The hard-liners say there's not much chance of you winning on a slot machine or any gambling as a whole. It's a general rule of thumb that winning is always in the house's favor; but we all know that to be true, rrrright!

“So, Why Do I Bother,” I Ask?

Well, I say to myself, "self," it's Friday! The way I see it, I have two options, Bingo with the same older ladies puffing away, one cigarette after another like some old steam locomotive or, I have to give in to that “bandit" calling my name.

Decisions, Decisions! Well, this is a no brainer. Smoke in my face from the older ladies or the other? But I should have really gone to Bingo!

I'm sitting here beside the high roller room because 60 minutes later, I'm out of money.

And, that same Casino Security guard keeps walking by and giving me that evil eye look. He's probably saying to himself, “he's doing something wrong,” “he looks pretty suspicious” I'll catch him, he's saying to himself. But little does he know I'm sitting here with these "other people" because we're all out of money. As for me, I'm trying to blend, fit in and look like I didn't lose my money, but I did. I'll mix, nobody will notice!

Talk about getting a lot of dirty looks from the Casino Security Guard

I was sitting here minding my own business, the last of my beer in one hand and a pencil in the other! I'm jotting down my vast experience as a high roller in the penny slot machine department.

“Somebody will read this” I'm saying to myself. “Somebody will understand what I'm going through.” As luck would have it or, not in my case, the money section is just outside the 100 dollars minimum section of the Casino! I think the administrators of the Casino strategically put those rooms beside the sore looser section on purpose!

Sure rub-it-in! I just paid somebody’s weeks wages in the short time I’ve been here

I'm sitting here pouting like a school kid after my apple was stolen. I'm writing on a napkin on how I spent my allowance money in such a short period— GONE! "How did that happen so fast?" I know I'm not good with money but my allowance seemed to go quicker than usual today.

It doesn't take me long to spend my money. "NO-sir-re-bub it doesn't!" So, I'm sitting here patiently waiting for my better half to donate hers, and then we're out-a-here. Tail between my legs, well, somewhat like last time I was here!

I double-checked my pockets. I'm checking my wallet --- I must have some extra money tucked away someplace in my secret stash! At least find enough money to buy another well-deserved beer as I'm patiently waiting.

Darn, my arm is sore from that slot machine!

I worked up quite a sweat pulling that lever on that one armed bandit. I pulled so hard I thought at one point I ripped the handle right off the mounting. You know your chance of winning with these slot machines would be, well, next to nil.

Oh, I already said that part!

But I have to admit, it wouldn't be so bad if those machines would at least give you a sporting chance. Some seem to be "wound pretty tight," like I get when I lose all my money to those slot machines.

So here I sit pouting like a school kid. Well, at least the Casino has a first-rate sitting area for all of us sore losers. A come-fee place where we all can cry in our beer, in style! And may I add, I wasn't the only one sitting here. There were a lot of "men" waiting for their better-haves.

Nobody saying anything and are sitting here quietly, waiting.

I wish that security guard would cut me a little slack, though! I just paid his day's wages on that one machine alone.

Did you know Casinos use to pipe in music and had live bands playing after 6 pm?

Many years ago, when the Casinos first became popular, their mission was to have a drawing card, get people hooked, and I mean interested in gambling. At one point they had live entertainment in the building as a drawing card for the people. The machines making that dig-dig-dig noise “that was the sound of money.” Everybody seemed to be winning or having a good time, well at least in spirit. It was a fun atmosphere to spend your evening.

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What happened to the ding-ding-ding sound on Slot Machines you ask?

The ding ding noise stopped in and around this particular day. An (eccentric) environmentalist took a wrong turn and ended up in a Casino. The first thing this fooool did was complain the noise of the machines was too loud. He called it "noise pollution!" He informed the management that the sound of losing money was too loud.

The Casino Corporation must have taken him seriously and accommodated his silly wishes. Today they have a volume switch to quiet the slot machines down. So, as the story goes, they are by default, turned off. Since then, these slot machines don't seem to make that DIG DIG dig sound of money anymore.

This Could Be A Long Shot, But Maybe, “NO ONE'S WINNING." I'm Just Saying

So here I sit, my last beer in one hand and a pencil in the other. I’m writing down my vast experience on spending my allowance in one easy lesson and — having fun too. “or not”

"Hope my wife is winning so I can cut my losses." Eh!

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Extra note; I would like to blame somebody for going to the Casino instead of the fun night at Bingo!

I want to blame somebody, anybody, for my bad habits, but I can't. It's a free country, free will, and nobody forced me to spend my money. There you have it.

If you can't afford it, "STAY OUT" is the warning.

But I have only one wish for a Casino, "At least give me a sporting chance, eh!"

"David, David, come David!"

Hope you enjoy my story?