Between Two Worlds

I am jolted awake by the intensely irritating beep, beep, beep, beep, beep of my alarm. I immediately sense the familiar pounding in my head as I reach for my phone and tap snooze. Rolling over, I snuggle in for a much needed eight more minutes of rest. Eyes closed, my always racing mind kicks into drive and the rapid self talk begins.

First, I try to remember how last night ended; which program did I watch on television? What time did I go to bed? Did I brush my teeth? This often takes me quite some time to extract the answers from my foggy morning mind. If I can remember, I praise myself ‘good girl’. If I can’t, I figure I must have fallen asleep. This of course is a lie. Next, the upcoming events of this new day start to swirl and once I have identified the name of the day, it’s Tuesday, a list of responsibilities and an agenda begins to emerge; I need to complete the floor plan of Mary’s Boutique and send her a digital copy for confirmation, and I need to invoice Mrs Campesi for my design of the interior space of her new Homewares store, Hannah’s Home. I have a meeting with Ben, the Building Project Manager of a home I am co-designing in Potts Point at 10:30 am and I am meeting with a new client at 1 pm for a design and quote in Darlinghurst. Then I’ll head to the warehouse in Homebush to pick up a new line of fabric and shutter samples.

It’s 6:08am and the beep, beep, beep of my alarm halts my day’s agenda and my self talk shifts to action, ‘Get up, Elise’. I turn off the alarm and sit up. I rest here for a few seconds because the throbbing is always intense, first thing. I just need to give my brain a moment to catch up with my body and then I’m good to go. I stand and make my way to my bathroom. I notice the dark yellow colour and pungency of my urine before I brush my teeth and dress in my active wear. After grabbing a couple of paracetamol tablets, I wash them down with as much water as I can possibly consume and I gather my phone, my ear pods and my drink bottle before heading out into the fresh morning air for my usual 5km run. It’s never easy to get up in the mornings but I’ve learned over the years that it’s the best way to clear a foggy head. The crisp air coupled with profuse perspiration is the doorway to my professional world of Interior Design.

When I return, my headache has substantially eased, my drink bottle is empty and my clothes cling to my sweat drenched skin. Feeling proud of myself for completing my run, I gulp another half litre of water and head straight for the shower. My thoughts are now targeted towards decision making; What will I wear today? How will I style my hair? Am I hungry? Do I even want breakfast? By the time I’ve washed my hair, shaved my underarms and scrubbed my body clean, I know which top, skirt and shoes I will be reaching for, I know that I will be be straightening my hair with my rose gold GHD, I know that I will be having coffee for breakfast and I am clear on my schedule of events for the day ahead.

Having dressed and styled, I make my way to the kitchen with the intention of making a coffee. I have noticed that my hands are shaking more than usual today, an indication that I will require a couple of shots before I meet with anyone. Vodka or Tequila? I choose Vodka and add it to my coffee. I remind myself that this doesn’t happen every morning so it’s okay. Another lie. Steadying my cup with both hands, I sit on my couch and switch on the television. I always watch the news update at 7:30 am before beginning my work. Finishing my ‘shakes be gone coffee’, I turn off the tv and seat myself in my home office to get started on finalising my floor plan of Mary’s Boutique.

In my professional world, I am at the top of my game. 25 years of experience and a force to be reckoned with. I have a six month waiting list for high end clients wanting me to design and decorate their elaborate home spaces and my fee is what some might call, outrageous. I however, am of the belief that you get what you pay for and my reputation speaks for itself. I have an amazing creative eye and precise attention to detail, I am on trend and I am a master at drawing, reading and editing blueprints, mindful of space, light, colour, lines, pattern and texture. I am also knowledgeable of various building trades so I know the constraints and requirements of any space. This is a skill that many interior designers lack and it’s what makes it possible for me to bring my designs to fruition without a middle man.

At 9 o’clock, I put on my makeup and heels. My earlier coffee has not done its job so I down a couple of valliums, knowing that by the time I meet with Ben, my hands will be as steady as a rock. My mind is clear and I am focused. Ready to tackle the world.

I arrive home at 2:30 pm and the moment I open my front door, I know exactly what I will do. The door to my professional world closes as I enter my private realm with only my self talk to guide my decisions. I am a creature of habit and I tell myself that I deserve it. I have worked hard all day, I have successfully wooed and impressed and I should be rewarded. I’ll only have two, I promise myself. Deep in my heart, I know this is a lie. I make myself a gin and tonic with a twist of lime and close my eyes as the first sip is deliciously absorbed. I take one more sip before changing and make myself comfortable on the couch. I channel surf until my glass is empty and I return to the kitchen to make another. My self talk kicks in saying, that’s it Elise, there will be no more tonight so drink it slowly. Returning to the couch, I reply to a few work emails, take a couple of work calls and continue to channel surf.

My phone rings just as I empty my glass and the screen tells me it’s Dan, one of the few people in my life who actually understands me. I answer as I make my way to the kitchen to pour a glass of white wine. I don’t even acknowledge my earlier promise because I’m chatting with Dan. I know that the phone call will be long so pouring a drink is a no brainer. An hour and a half later, I hang up the phone. The wine bottle is now two thirds empty and finally, my body and mind is calm. My self talk subsides and as I make my way to the kitchen to prepare my dinner, I turn on the radio and crack open a 2008 South Australian Merlot. In this world, I am free to just be. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone and I can behave in anyway I choose. I sing and dance and cook and drink.

Having finished my dinner, I take what’s left of the merlot to the lounge room, fill my glass and settle in for the night. My mind is quiet. I am content. I watch my usual programs, then search for something to watch. Excitement grows when I stumble across The Devil Wears Prada and press play. I’ve seen this movie a thousand times and I just can’t get enough of the designer outfits. Reaching for my glass I discover that it is empty and so too is the bottle. I press pause and enter the kitchen, mmmmm what next, I say to myself. I fill a tall glass with ice and Bailey’s Irish Cream. A perfect selection for my burning oesophagus.

I am jolted awake by the intensely irritating beep, beep, beep, beep, beep of my alarm. I immediately sense the familiar pounding in my head as I reach for my phone and tap snooze. Rolling over, I snuggle in for a much needed eight more minutes of rest. Eyes closed, my always racing mind kicks into drive and the rapid self talk begins.

I try to remember how last night ended; I watched a movie, what was it? What was it? Think Elise, think. Images of Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep appear in my mind and now I remember watching The Devil Wears Prada, ‘good girl’. Did I watch til the end? What time did I go to bed? Did I brush my teeth?

I don’t remember, I must have fallen asleep. What day is it? It’s Wednesday…….