Am I Choosing UP?

Fabulous insight Jay! (And exquisitely written). Methinks you've been there, as I know I have. When I was about 10, I took to reading my brother's Playboy magazines for the short stories, and a line in one caught me that I have never forgotten, about why subsequent relationships don't work out. It's because humans take the baggage with them, all the wrongs, into the next relationship. I vowed never to do that. When it's over, relegate it to a tiny box and file it in 'remember the good times.'

I was looking for your other stories that we had talked about and stopped at this one. Observation: The painter, Terrilynn Cook, must be your favorite...she is obviously and beautifully creative. And then I got stuck on: "There is a Jewish Passover message: The Four Questions "Why this night?" ...Now I need to know the other 3 questions posed. I am mesmerized by the first question, btw. I thought about suggesting that you become a contestant on either The Golden Bachelor or Married at First Fright/I mean Sight, but I like you too much for that. If I may, I think for you, Rita Louise is an extremely hard act to follow, not that you would be comparing, but...that kind of love is so rare. If having someone to share the rest of your life with is your aspiration, I hope God sends you someone that stimulates you to live 100 more years, though. My husband of 20 years and I split last December. I get lonely at times, but I have peace. I needed that more than anything...I needed one on one time with God and my prayers for my loved ones. I see myself sitting in a couple of chairs like that with Him and that is enough. Your story is very thought provoking...please tell me more about Jewish Passover. And your story made me smile :)

I think these are really thoughtful questions. I think relationships are like everything - they need nurture, investment to thrive. That's how I view them anyway, whether marriage or friendship. Like a plant. It will live in some way but it will thrive with attention. Not always easy but life is full of ups and downs. And putting your trust in someone else is daunting. My adage for life? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Whoa, J-bud1 didn’t know you had it in you. And good question, why do we settle? Dr. Phil better watch out cause Dr. J-Bud Kantor is coming for his job! Well done, my friend!

As Nietzsche said through the mouth of Zarathustra, to invite one joy is to invite all sorrow. Will you ask for it again and again, even standing tall and saying "Yes!" Then the sly dog, the quick-witted cynic who understood all too well the meaning of the Hermit's Lamp in the hand of Diogenes, remarks in his biography that to say yes to everything we must first eliminate those things from our life to which we must perpetually say no. Philosophers should never marry, he quips, and perhaps he was right, especially as regards Kant and himself... I know you care not much for the "sages", as you've told me before, but references is for others those who might care to dig in! As for your work, a pleasure, as always, to read!

Congrats on your win for this story Jay! Woohoo!! 🥳🎉🙌🏻

I'll start by saying I'm really surprised I hadn't read this before I found it on the leaderboard. You've raised some interesting questions, my friend. I think Pam and I have settled into acceptance. She accepts that I'm not going to give up the dogs and I accept that she'll probably just slip something in my coffee one day.

What a wonderfully written concept on different views of relationships. Well done Jay. I really enjoyed reading it.

You raise some real interesting things here. Especially the idea of committing precious time to a partner if you haven't even figured out what you want in a partner or if the partner is right for you. Also, I laughed at "Yep, even better than a Loving Corgi ~ Nah!" Well written! Enjoyed this.

As your therapist has already mentioned, you pose a lot of good questions here, both for yourself & for others who might either need or offer counsel. As to why it hasn't gotten much traction, I think it might have to do with recent challenges (microfiction, acrostic poems) where there have simply been too many stories/articles/poems for people to keep up.

Really liked the narration of this Jay. A lot of food for thought in this one. Life like relationships has a million different paths and it’s up to you to choose or just try em all lol

All the ladies and gents below have valid points. Misty believes, and i totally agree that one has to be their own complete person before trying to complete someone else. Dharrsheena's view comes close to my own. Times have changed drastically. There are choices which individuals can now make, women are far more independent than once upon a time. If one wants a woman to fall into a specific mode, then they are in for a great disappointment. It behooves a couple to get to know if they have many things in common before jumping into forever. Be together for a while and test the waters. If passion dies quickly, then that is an indicator. Some people jump right in and it works. Maybe Jay was not yet complete, but he is now. I get complete now from your stories. My two Vocal children Dhar and Donna Fox do not want to have children. As do many younger women, couples, I an finding out. Expectations/priorities have shifted. Many times we go into relationships with expectations and get disappointed, then it is downhill from there. I find that it is when you are not looking for something that the best of things come along. If we depend on AI it will take over the world. Whew..I will stop now.

Hmmmm. I've been in good relationships and really bad ones. And I've been single. When I was younger, I really felt like I needed to have someone to spend my life with. To be honest, it wasn't until I was a complete person myself that I was able to really be with the right person. By that I mean, I had to learn to be okay as my own person before I could be part of a functioning couple. A couple isn't two halves of a whole, it's two whole people coming together. That said, in some ways, I'm also a hopeless romantic and I can't imagine anyone I'd want to be with other than my hubby. As to AI picking a partner for someone, I can't see it. There's a certain thing that just can't be measured, an attraction, a chemistry. For example, my husband and I would never be matched because we are, on paper, completely incompatible. But what does paper know?

Sorry Jay, but it's a subject I can't really comment on, I was never much for dating and have been married to one person for a long time. I just know she is a good person and she still thinks I am. We seem able to work shit out without too much drama. I barely understand other people and their motives, so I limit who I let in.

I used to believe in marriage and that we always need someone as a companion for life. But for the past few years or so, I've completely lost faith in marriage. I mean, it doesn't guarantee anything. People can still divorce, or cheat or leave. So it's safe to say I don't believe in marriages. I'm an introvert who's also autistic and I don't deal well with changes. It's human nature to change. Therefore, I don't need a companion if I'm gonna be struggling to keep up with whatever changes they go through throughout the years. I'd rather be alone, away from this unnecessary stress and responsibilities. And I have no interest in having children as well. I'm not really the maternal type, so yeah. Oops, so sorry for my long comment 😅

Why this night… why this wife. Really though. Why. I haven’t ever worked so hard and been less tired. We talk of being buried together. I’ve always wanted a Greek funeral. But for her. We’re both mad and may stay and go together. I can’t always read longer writings during heavily scheduled times. No time and less energy. I’m glad I read yours, Jay.

These musings on love and relationships are quite thought-provoking and insightful.