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Am I Choosing UP?

Multiple Marriages

By Jay KantorPublished 4 months ago Updated about a month ago 4 min read
Original Oil Painting © Terrilynn Cook

Author © Jay Kantor

–Mr. or Mrs. Next–

Who's next? As I percolate on this beautiful rendition by Terrilynn, it evokes many emotions that fit into this piece as well. The fact that the chairs are empty may be a perfect image of daydreaming! It reinforces the idea of looking for a partner, or not. It also invites you, the reader, to place yourselves into the picture, paralleling and stimulating your own perceived illusions as thoughts and dreams.

Fascinating to me; a curiosity if you will. From merely an 'observational' layman's point of view, it has always piqued my interest the thinking behind this issue.

Could it be to some that they only feel 'fulfilled' when snuggled within a marriage, and all the adventure therein; or just the fear-factor of being single once again? There is a Jewish Passover message: The Four Questions "Why this night?" ~ With a similar twist ~ WHY this Wife and not the others - even after 4 or 5 tries -

— Romance ~ Wear Offs ~ Stepping Up —

Some may search for 'The Next' way before the current Love interest ends – Pure 'Boredom' perhaps? – oftentimes all of us just need to slow down our enthusiasm long enough to feel and just hear another’s words.

Who me cynical? Hit me once it's your fault - hit me (4) times it's my fault! Could my 'Next' be the IT?

My dear friend tells me that she seems to thrive better when nestled inside a long term love relationship. For her, it is the day to day exchanges of affection, communication and knowing that her Love~Marriage partner truly has her back. Yep, even better than a Loving Corgi ~ Nah!

She adds that partners in this situation not only care for each other on a continuous basis, but take care of each other’s needs as well, even as they evolve: Kind of a Pollyanna approach. So perhaps one must honestly ask before reaching a conclusion (and after posting a Pro/Con sheet on the Fridge door) what they expect and need from another person. Even after sharing our precious time ticking away with another human intertwining every aspect of our lives, with someone we love, indeed should not be taken lightly.

Accepting what most men and women believe themselves to be these days, she maintains that real acceptance includes vulnerability. Yes, that can be scary. Another person could leave you, steal your heart from you, or worse your self respect. But, I've agreed with her that getting your heart broken is far worse than the aforementioned check-list maladies that trusting another in your life may bring.

Ah, therein lies the rub of committing to your choice of walking one’s life path as a couple – Sitting and Gazing at the Sun-Set as One – After taking that plunge previously with several others, how much are we willing (or emotionally able) to risk for all of the joys of long-term love again? One huge drawback for me has been to be so aware of the mistakes that I've made before puts an unrealistic emphasis 'Walking on Eggshells,' with my Mrs. "Next!"

~ Obsolete - Extinct - Out to Pasture in all Facets of Life ~

Never to seem defeatist: "Why do we try, why do we settle, and is it worth it?" Reasons to keep trying might be ego, duty, or adventure. Why we settle may be due to comfort levels, pessimistic attitudes, or ennui (a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction). Whether or not our efforts are worth it varies with both the situation and the people or 'Un-Things' involved.

Do you think A.I. will ever become 'smart enough' (if that’s the appropriate phrase) to pick the 'perfect’ Life Partner for any and all of us? Somehow, I think such issues are way too gnarly or complex, but I thought I’d ask anyway. Ultimately our one on one exposure to ask 'Daddy A.I.'s' advice would certainly put dating sites out of biz~quick.

This 'Multiple-Choice' observation covers so many of life-levels; not exclusive only to 'Partners.' Our simple stories seem to be 'Obsolete-Dinosaurs' with the onslaught of A.I. scribblers among us. We may now be referred to as obsolete 'Hacks' within this Scribblers-Society! Relegate us to the passed-over pastures!

– Whew Didn't see this Coming - Away with us Thinkers –

* Dr. Andrew Yellen, Ph.D Psychologist, Therapist, commented: Jay poses many philosophical and real-life dilemmas in this piece, all worth considering. Is he posing the questions to himself, to the reader, or both? This is like Life's Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride through the minefields of when/if to move on after a relationship has ended, for whatever the reason. These are certainly many thought-provoking and relatable ideas. Most people, especially after losing someone, need some form of guidance, a “how to-fix" for healing the emotional wounds.

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California

'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Author Community -


About the Creator

Jay Kantor

Retired: Write for "The Kids Someday"

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Comments (14)

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  • Lamar Wigginsabout a month ago

    Whoa, J-bud1 didn’t know you had it in you. And good question, why do we settle? Dr. Phil better watch out cause Dr. J-Bud Kantor is coming for his job! Well done, my friend!

  • C. Rommial Butler4 months ago

    As Nietzsche said through the mouth of Zarathustra, to invite one joy is to invite all sorrow. Will you ask for it again and again, even standing tall and saying "Yes!" Then the sly dog, the quick-witted cynic who understood all too well the meaning of the Hermit's Lamp in the hand of Diogenes, remarks in his biography that to say yes to everything we must first eliminate those things from our life to which we must perpetually say no. Philosophers should never marry, he quips, and perhaps he was right, especially as regards Kant and himself... I know you care not much for the "sages", as you've told me before, but references is for others those who might care to dig in! As for your work, a pleasure, as always, to read!

  • Gigi Gibson4 months ago

    Congrats on your win for this story Jay! Woohoo!! 🥳🎉🙌🏻

  • Dana Crandell4 months ago

    I'll start by saying I'm really surprised I hadn't read this before I found it on the leaderboard. You've raised some interesting questions, my friend. I think Pam and I have settled into acceptance. She accepts that I'm not going to give up the dogs and I accept that she'll probably just slip something in my coffee one day.

  • Cathy Deslippe4 months ago

    What a wonderfully written concept on different views of relationships. Well done Jay. I really enjoyed reading it.

  • You raise some real interesting things here. Especially the idea of committing precious time to a partner if you haven't even figured out what you want in a partner or if the partner is right for you. Also, I laughed at "Yep, even better than a Loving Corgi ~ Nah!" Well written! Enjoyed this.

  • As your therapist has already mentioned, you pose a lot of good questions here, both for yourself & for others who might either need or offer counsel. As to why it hasn't gotten much traction, I think it might have to do with recent challenges (microfiction, acrostic poems) where there have simply been too many stories/articles/poems for people to keep up.

  • Really liked the narration of this Jay. A lot of food for thought in this one. Life like relationships has a million different paths and it’s up to you to choose or just try em all lol

  • Novel Allen4 months ago

    All the ladies and gents below have valid points. Misty believes, and i totally agree that one has to be their own complete person before trying to complete someone else. Dharrsheena's view comes close to my own. Times have changed drastically. There are choices which individuals can now make, women are far more independent than once upon a time. If one wants a woman to fall into a specific mode, then they are in for a great disappointment. It behooves a couple to get to know if they have many things in common before jumping into forever. Be together for a while and test the waters. If passion dies quickly, then that is an indicator. Some people jump right in and it works. Maybe Jay was not yet complete, but he is now. I get complete now from your stories. My two Vocal children Dhar and Donna Fox do not want to have children. As do many younger women, couples, I an finding out. Expectations/priorities have shifted. Many times we go into relationships with expectations and get disappointed, then it is downhill from there. I find that it is when you are not looking for something that the best of things come along. If we depend on AI it will take over the world. Whew..I will stop now.

  • Misty Rae4 months ago

    Hmmmm. I've been in good relationships and really bad ones. And I've been single. When I was younger, I really felt like I needed to have someone to spend my life with. To be honest, it wasn't until I was a complete person myself that I was able to really be with the right person. By that I mean, I had to learn to be okay as my own person before I could be part of a functioning couple. A couple isn't two halves of a whole, it's two whole people coming together. That said, in some ways, I'm also a hopeless romantic and I can't imagine anyone I'd want to be with other than my hubby. As to AI picking a partner for someone, I can't see it. There's a certain thing that just can't be measured, an attraction, a chemistry. For example, my husband and I would never be matched because we are, on paper, completely incompatible. But what does paper know?

  • Phil Flannery4 months ago

    Sorry Jay, but it's a subject I can't really comment on, I was never much for dating and have been married to one person for a long time. I just know she is a good person and she still thinks I am. We seem able to work shit out without too much drama. I barely understand other people and their motives, so I limit who I let in.

  • I used to believe in marriage and that we always need someone as a companion for life. But for the past few years or so, I've completely lost faith in marriage. I mean, it doesn't guarantee anything. People can still divorce, or cheat or leave. So it's safe to say I don't believe in marriages. I'm an introvert who's also autistic and I don't deal well with changes. It's human nature to change. Therefore, I don't need a companion if I'm gonna be struggling to keep up with whatever changes they go through throughout the years. I'd rather be alone, away from this unnecessary stress and responsibilities. And I have no interest in having children as well. I'm not really the maternal type, so yeah. Oops, so sorry for my long comment 😅

  • Test4 months ago

    Why this night… why this wife. Really though. Why. I haven’t ever worked so hard and been less tired. We talk of being buried together. I’ve always wanted a Greek funeral. But for her. We’re both mad and may stay and go together. I can’t always read longer writings during heavily scheduled times. No time and less energy. I’m glad I read yours, Jay.

  • Lana V Lynx4 months ago

    These musings on love and relationships are quite thought-provoking and insightful.

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