About My Father

My father is a man whom though I've known him for the better part of my life, I cannot really say that I know him.

I am 32 years old, single, working a job that barely manages to sustain my lifestyle and some how I feel it could be as a result of a lack of communication and understanding between me and my father while I was growing up.

As a child I experienced my father's discipline first hand, being that I was what people might call a stubborn or rebellious child, albeit an intelligent one.

I remember my father usually bought two mathematics textbooks every school term while I was in primary school and before the term's assessment examination we had revised the textbooks page by page. I'm a twin and had a sister who was in the same class as myself, an opposite version of my personality though we shared in common the same trait of being intelligent.

This made my primary school education an interesting and very competitive experience, trying very hard not to be bested by my twin sister.

At the time we sat to write for the primary school leaving certificate examination, I and my twin sister emerged with the best results in the state where we resided and were awarded with a prize money and a scholarship to attend a government secondary school.

Although my father opted instead to forfeit the scholarship offer because he enrolled us into a privately owned secondary school.

At home my father was revered by my mother, which kind of made him a mystery to me. His authority was established and binding.

Countless times I got flogged for defying one unwritten rule or another. I was not allowed to visit friends from school and neither was I allowed to invite them over to visit me at home. As I grew older this became one rule I had the hardest time adhering to.

This made me one of the less popular children at school, although I was notoriously stubborn and always getting into trouble, so I could say that I was very easily identified but I just was not your regular popular child whom everyone doted on.

I watched my father make decisions that made me feel estraned from him, I couldn't talk to him, it felt like I was not permitted to and the times we spoke was when I was giving him feedback on an errand I was sent or an event that happened.

Then I became a teenager and like most teenagers undergoing the throes of puberty, I felt the need to be accepted by my peers, and sought to be a little more independent from my parents. This eventually led to more flogging and severe punishments, which of course Nigerian parents are famous for, especially when you are from a common background of struggling parents with too many children than they can afford to comfortably cater for.

My father being the primary executioner of such exercises.

After graduation from secondary school I had to get a job in a factory to support my family and my pursuit of further education which was the agenda set by my father and I had a secret desire to gain his acknowledgement.

I discovered that I loved working and coming home every month with an envelope containing my salary, which was immediately presented to my father the minute I stepped into the house with it. He then proceeds to spend the money as he deems best, most times leaving me with barely 40% of what I earned to spend on myself.

I had little use for money back then so it never bothered me, because my father took care of paying for the house rent, providing food and common home essentials like electricity, and other utility bills.

I was living free of charge, eating daily, had a job I was good at and a very bright university prospect. I was living most children's dream allegedly, because my father never failed to make me realize that there were children in the streets whose parents could care less what becomes of them, and indeed I was lucky to have a father who was responsible for catering for his family, not to the best of available standard, but definitely not because of the lack of trying.

I got admitted into a university a year after graduating from secondary school to read for a four years bachelor's degree program and somehow I managed to keep my job working at the factory for 3 years out of the 4 years it took me to graduate.

Since graduation from the university, I have earned for myself the independence I so much craved growing up and also the responsibility of catering for myself.

I barely receive financial assistance from my father, probably because of the history of bad behavior and feelings of estrangement between me and my father.

I have found that he does not trust my ideas as he has never been a pioneer supporter of them, not until along the line when they succeed. And if they indeed end in failure he always makes sure to say "I told you so."

I have had to deal with the responsibility of trying to reverse his opinion of my personality but it seemed to be a waste of time because try as hard as I could I kept falling short.

We are mostly formal with each other presently, being both adults and civilized. And it's quite hard for me to imagine being able to communicate my dreams and visions for my future to him and have him understand and support that vision.

I have come to realize that I have to accept that and strive to pursue my dreams without validation from my father or anyone else for that matter.