A Perfect Storm

This week I had an absolutely awful day mentally. One day I was chatting with friends and Vocal friends on Facebook , working and chatting with work colleagues then my Friend Krista asked me for help moving a table so I had a couple of hours with her and her friends , and for the first time in my life actually went into the Byker Wall.

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I suppose I am a bit of an attention whore and that day to me was a perfect day.

Many years ago I asked some work friends out and we decided to go to the Tyneside Irish Centre. I was a member because our band Spoon used to play there to raise money for various charities, so I signed everyone in (six people) and they found a table and I got the first round in. I brought the drinks on the tray and handed them out and then realised there was nowhere for me to sit and I was being blanked when I asked them to make some room. There was no movement or acknowledgement .

I sat alone at another table, finished my drink and then left . I felt pushed out , ignored , and really upset.

The following day they asked me where I had gone, I was sort of exasperated and said it wasn’t very nice being forced to drink alone while my “friends” ignored me. It was eventually forgotten about but I never did that again. I really can’t take being ignored and left out , and then people being completely oblivious to how it affected me.

Anyway, the perfect storm day.

I was not feeling too great and had to run some jobs to extract data at 7am just in case of any problems. I missed my morning walk which sets me up for the day , and gets your body revved up , but because of the work tasks that was missed. I wasn’t being forced by anyone to do this and the task should have taken fifteen to thirty minutes, leaving me time for a walk.

It took three hours due to network problems. This meant that other start of month jobs were piling up and I hadn’t spoken to anyone. I was working in total isolation and not feeling great about it.

I then thought I would phone a friend or maybe have a WhatsApp call but no one was answering.

Then I thought I would go onto Facebook to chat with my Vocal friends. I had nothing to post so I left a couple of comments but there was no reaction. I don’t tend to message people to say hello on Facebook , but I was desperate for some conversation, but people have their lives to lead.

One of my my problems is that most of the people I chat with ar across the Atlantic so they are getting up when it’s two o’ clock in the afternoon for me, then they have a working day and that takes my time to ten o’ clock at night and by the time they are finished I am in bed.

Like me however they drop into Facebook while working.

But this day there was virtually nothing.

I was thinking no one wants me here , maybe I should just shut my Facebook account down. I had posted a couple of unacknowledged comments so I started deleting them, and thought I would just unfriend my best friends in the Vocal groups , all very self destructive.

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I have a sensible angel that told me to knock it off , it’s just a day , when nothing goes right and if you leave these friends you really hurt them. I went to bed early, had left a short goodnight to my Muse, got into bed and then got back up and left a real goodnight.

This morning we had a long chat before they fell asleep which really charged me up , feeling ready to write a lot of things. Our chat was while I was walking so a doublegood start to the day.

Been chatting to work friends, chatting to lots of friends on Facebook and yesterday is behind me with lessons learned.

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A song to go with this, maybe Johnny Cash’s tear jerking cover of Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt”

I am in a good place and thank you to everyone who cares for me , inspires me and encourages me.

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