Our Insecurity

I don’t see myself as a talented or popular person.

We are our own worst critics because we know all our faults better than anyone else.

Someone once said of themselves “I don’t have any friends , I just know a lot of people” , I feel like that myself a lot of times.

There is a line in Bob Dylan's song "Joey" from "Desire" , "Always on the outside of whatever side there was" that is so me.

In my "Who Am I?" post I say "I seem to be very successful at being unsuccessful at everything I do" which a Vocal friend suggested should be my joke tagline , and only a real friend would say that.

I see others' success and get a little jealous , not of their success , but of the love and admiration shown to them for that success, but when I receive the same I almost don't see it. I have success and love and admiration comes my way but part of me stops myself from feeling happy about it.

Many years ago lads would say to me "You get all the girls Mike , how do you do it" , this was usually after work or college nights out. They would often see me leaving with a girl , but it was just to make sure she got home or on her bus home.

The reason "I got the girl" was because they wanted to talk to me about who they really wanted to end up with. I always dismissed talk of being some Casanova or Lothario, it never happened and would never happen.

This illustrates a situation where we see what we perceive to be others successes which are on things like that.

The reality is that we should step back and look at our real successes and often these are much more than we think. We can get a thousand compliments but it’s the one negative one , or the lack of one from someone you hold in high regard which really hits you. It shouldn’t.

Shakespeare wrote “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” , which means we should think how others see us. Certain people have called me fat , unfit , thick (stupid) and that has stayed with me, but a lot more have been complimentary and as I get older they are the ones that I take on board.

I am shocked in a positive way by some of the feedback that I have received since joining Vocal and feel that has definitely given me a lift in my life.

So always focus on the positives , that helps you fix the negatives. Very often the people who are negative to you will disappear .

We have bad things happen in our life but friends will help you through that. Always ask , and if you feel alone there will be someone to listen somewhere , it may not be who you think you want , but always take any help when you need it.

I will still spend every day , insecure , thinking people don’t want me , don’t want to talk with me , but I get out there talk with people and then lose myself in the fact that people do want to speak to me , do want me , in some cases actually love me , and love what I do.

And this is the same for you, we are all wanted , we are all loved , and we can all grow and progress together . Help others when you can and they will help you.

I know this is hardly the most upbeat thing to say , but I needed to get it out and now it’s there , out in the open.

For a song I will choose “No Holding Back” by Graham Parker , because we should not hold back on looking out for each other in friendship , love and support.