3 months postpartum

January 3rd, I will be 3 months postpartum. Since delivering her, we’ve had illness that put me and her back in the hospital. Now we are dealing with ear infections, eye infections, and I’m dealing with some things too. I have not had my first real period since having her. I did have a tubal litigation (1 tube couldn’t be fully removed without risk of me bleeding out). But I know that it doesn’t affect periods. I am feeling pain in my spine like I’m reliving the epidural needle. I’m having horrible toothaches too so eating is painful. I don’t know which obgyn I need to see since one my insurance changed and two I didn’t get to see the other one before delivering my daughter. My fibromyalgia is causing me to experience more symptoms such as getting overwhelmed with noises and sounds. I will literally have a panic attack because there is too much going on at once. Like my brain cannot physically handle it. I shut down and scream or I try to leave the room. Having four kids and dealing with this symptom is really really hard on me. It’s hard to be the mom I need and want to be when I cannot be healthy and pain free. I just wanna cry because I’ve been dealing with this crap since I was 18!

Let’s get more into depth of my start of having/getting fibromyalgia. Having fibromyalgia at such a young age has really ruined me. My fibromyalgia was triggered by a boy who thought it was funny to hit me up and down my spine in my home room class. My friend saw I was hurting and told him to stop. But he laughed and said that I liked it. I said no I didn’t because it hurts. I ended up going to the office instead of my first period class. I asked for ice for my back and called my papaw to come get me. He came and took me to the doctors’ office to get checked immediately. The doctor documented a huge horseshoe sized bruise on my lower back. We tried to file a police report but the police station wouldn’t. Told me to go to the school and talk to the school cop. Okay, so we went and of course he didn’t do shit. All the principal did was move my sit away from him. There was no punishment for him! I was sick to my stomach and so angry that they didn’t suspend him!! To this very day, I am still angry and upset.

Due to having fibromyalgia at such a young age, it affected me deeply. I cannot find a job where I don’t hurt while standing/walking/sitting. I am hurting 24/7 every freaking day. No one can touch my lower back without me screaming out in pain. So you can see also why having an spinal block/epidural still affects me bad. They hurt sooooo bad. My first spinal block I got, I did nothing but cry! It hurt soooo badly. Having a C-section was my very first major surgery too so I was flipping out more. Afraid I was going to bleed out and die. Anyways, when you add in the pain from the fibromyalgia and the sadness it brought not being able to function like a normal kid my age, it brought back my depression bad. So of course I gained weight due to the depression and pain I was in. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy because why would I want them to feel this? I see my mom struggle with this as well. She cannot work at all. I had to watch her quit her dream job of being an art teacher. Let me tell you, she was damn good at being an artist and teacher. Those kids adored her as much as I do. I hate seeing my mom in pain. Hers I believe was triggered by a car wreck if I’m not mistaken. I love my mom so much. I hate that we both suffer with an illness with no cure. The medication we both take only help so much. I pray some day we both can be pain free once again so we can live they way we need to. Mom, if you see this know that I love you so much. I’m sorry you hurt everyday.

If you made it this far, thank you. I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year! Please be safe this weekend! I pray that 2023 is amazing for each and every one of you. 2022 has been a pain in the butt!!