Sinéad O'Connor: Badass

It is strange how certain stories hit you. It is very odd how they make you feel; how they allow you to step out of your own head.

I was at a festival, having just watched a very interesting film about a woman recovering from the loss of her friend, cat (this is important), apartment, job and (nearly) her boyfriend. It did have a pleasant ending and I was in a good mood as I had the chance to speak to the director and lead actress. Autographs were passed and I was very happy, so happy that I considered going to the food festival that was taking place in the city. Grey skies gave me a different plan, so I stopped at a café to have a quick cup of coffee before the rain warning was confirmed. There, I checked the weather and my email...

And I learned she was gone.

56 years old and no word as to why she was dead, but I could accept this. She had not been on my mind for several decades. I had bought two of her albums back in the 90s and was amazed at the quality of the work, the sound and attitude she had on her recordings…and her fearlessness.

It was not always obvious at the time. I bought “I Do Not Want What I Have Not Got” for reasons outside of just that hit (Prince’s version was not yet part of the discussion). I kept my interest in her because of the targets she picked; the critiques she kept in the public eye. One track in particular is still on my mind and it is the first thing I thought of at her passing - “Black Boys on Mopeds”:

England is not the mythical land of Madame George and roses.

It’s the home of police who kill black boys on mopeds.

And I love my boy, and that’s why I’m leaving.

I don’t want him to be aware that there’s any such thing as grieving.

This was based on a real case in London where a black man – Nicolas Bramble – was chased by police as he drove off on his moped (they suspected him of stealing it; not true, of course), and he died in a crash. In the sleeve of the record, you could see his father and mother holding up candles and a picture of the young man who had been the victim of the crimes she noted here. No one commented on that song, or the photo. But she did put it in the public eye. And they would remember that other moment with a very particular photo…

I am old enough to remember that episode of Saturday Night Live. I was surprised as it was the second song of the night and she was completely alone at the microphone. And she started to sing Bob Marley’s “War”. It was a great performance…with an intriguing ending.

According to the reports I read, in rehearsal, she held up a photo of a boy who had been killed by the police and ripped it to pieces (a theme emerges). No one knew then that she had substituted another photo that would be quite provocative.

There was dead silence, except for the sound of my feet running up the stairs from out basement to tell my family what she had done (no one seemed interested). I remember feeling something very different from anger that night. There were plenty of responses that seemed hypocritical and confusing to me. People wanted to hurt her, ban her, and have her committed. And she would be treated like a pariah at a charity concert under the name of another protest singer who was once seen as provocative and daring...and she attempted to perform the exact same song. The worst of it was…she was right to protest against a figure at the head of an organization that did terrible and cruel things over centuries without being called out for them. And she was never given that vindication. She was one of the first performers to take them on and paid the price for her honesty. That takes a set of guts that we rarely see now.

As I sit here and type this out, Massive Attack’s “100th Window” is playing behind me. And I am again reminded of why she was such a presence in our lives and ears and minds beyond the controversies. Three separate tracks where she collaborated with the group – “What Your Soul Sings”, “Special Cases”, and “A Prayer for England” – are impossible to ignore as I try to finish this up. And I realize now that I never really paid that much attention to what she had to say on those songs. It does matter (from “What Your Soul Sings”):

Your mind can never change

Unless you ask it to

Lovingly rearrange

The thoughts that make you blue

The things that bring you down

Will mean no harm to you

And so make your choice joy

The joy belongs to you

And when you do

You’ll find the one you love is here

You’ll find you.

Dear Irish Rose, I hope you did find you... R.I.P.

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