Love is Not a Rainbow

Love is not the rainbow, it is the storm. Love is the unknown chaos that brings us to the treasure on the other side. Love is a series of hurdles we must jump over on our way toward the finish line. Love is not the finish line. Love is not the prize to be won because you cannot win love any more than you can win your way into heaven. Love is also not heaven. Love is life, lived. When your life is explored, experienced, felt, tasted, and known to its fullest extent it becomes your personal heaven. That is love, the process of turning life into heaven.

Like the process of turning fat into muscle, love is the workout. It's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight. Love is hard and dirty and sometimes painful. Love is not the relaxing Jacuzzi time after the workout, which admittedly is my favorite part of going to the gym. Jacuzzi time is the recuperation from the work you put into the transformation. Sure, there may be times when you just want to skip the workout altogether and go straight to the Jacuzzi. I know I sure have! But the work is what makes us appreciate the relaxation afterwards. Constant relaxation becomes monotonous and inevitably meaningless. Without the work, there would be nothing from which to relax or recuperate. Love is the work that we put into something and sometimes that work leaves us sore and exhausted and in need of a spa day. But it is that very love-work that creates beautiful art and deserves our celebrations. In the same way that we celebrate a job well done, so too must we celebrate a life well-loved. For without the work of love, there would be no celebration of life.

If I may paraphrase a character from one of my more recent favorite romance films, “Love is the messy bits.” For all of my fellow romance enthusiasts out there - or as some may refer to us as ‘corny losers’, a title I wear proudly - you probably recognize that line from the 2010 movie, Letters to Juliet. Of course in the film, what the character played by Vanessa Redgrave actually said was, “Life is the messy bits.” But I think that love fits in that line just as well. After all, life and love go hand-in-hand for us sentient beings. We just can’t seem to survive without the life-affirming properties of love. Love is to the sentient being what water and sunlight are to the plants. It is our nourishment, our energy, our ability to grow. A life without love will surely shrivel and die like a sunless, waterless flower.

So when your flower has shriveled up and died from a love that is no longer, or perhaps a love that never was, celebrate that shriveled up flower of yours with the tried and true coping mechanism of the anti-love playlist. This time-honored tradition of jamming out to the sonorous sounds of the love/hate persuasion has offered much-needed recovery to countless broken hearts throughout the ages. And what better time to celebrate the anti-love playlist than on Valentine's Day? It is, after all, the official day of heartbreak and loneliness. Right?!

As a veteran of heartbreak and loneliness - I’ve got the scars, tear-stained poetry-painted journals, and Ben Harper CD’s to prove it - I know all too well those days when you just can’t stand to hear one more single sappy romantic jam. When the radio has got you feeling like Tony Braxton, just racking your brains over another sad love song.

If you were looking for a candy-coated, rainbows and sunshine, will-you-be-my-valentine kind of playlist then please let me direct you to the exit on your left. This is not your cupid’s playlist. As a matter of fact, this playlist shoots cupid right out of the sky! Which brings us to the first song on our list…

1. Ready Aim Misfire by New Years Day

Has your heart been beaten to a bloody pulp and torn into a million pieces, leaving you with the undeniable urge to destroy everything in sight? Well, Annie get your gun 'cus we're going cupid hunting! When crying and screaming just isn't enough this edgy pop song will lead you on an expedition of eye-gouging and wing-slashing proportions. Watch your back, Cupid!

2. Love Song by Sara Bareilles

For the anti-establishment heartbreak, look no further. Ironically and aptly named, Love Song is the ultimate in-your-face, stick it to the man anthem. Written as a satirical response to the pressures from her record label to make a hit love song, Sara Bareilles effectively turned the tables with this anti-love song and left those bureaucratic fat cats licking the egg off their faces. Get it girl!

3. A Rose Is Still A Rose by Aretha Franklin

When you're shivering in the darkness of your sorrows and you need someone to bring you back to the light, let Aretha be your spirit guide. In this soulful and uplifting ode to self-empowerment, Aretha Franklin uses the cosmic power of her voice to remind us all that no one can make us or break us because, "baby girl, you hold the power."

4. Sit Still Look Pretty by Daya

Where my lady bosses at?! To all the queens that don't need a king, or a valentine for that matter, this one's for you.

5. You Don't Own Me by Leslie Gore

If you were born in the 80's like me then you probably remember watching this movie with your mom. The First Wives Club is an iconic 90's film starring these three legendary lady bosses and divas of the stage; Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton. The film is all about empowering single women which makes it the perfect anti-Valentine's Day movie. The cherry on top of this sisterhood-sundae is the end scene above (my favorite scene of the movie) where they jam out to one of the original anthems of female empowerment, You Don't Own Me by Leslie Gore.

6. Me Myself and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha

Who needs a valentine when I got me, myself and I?! If you're fed up with the world, or perhaps just one particular person, and you'd rather kick it solo this Valentine's Day, add this to your playlist.

7. I'm Not In Love by 10cc

Denial is not just a river in Egypt; it's also the theme of this song. When you've got it so bad that you can't even acknowledge it, this is the song for you. Take a page from the book of 10cc and deny, deny, deny!

8. Never Enough by Loren Allred

When all the shine of a thousand Valentine's Day diamonds could never be enough for you, then this is your anti-valentine anthem. Towers of golden-wrapped chocolate could never satify your hunger to be more than just somebody's valentine. Who's got time for all of that when you've got a world to dominate. Who run this mutha?!

9. Here I Go Again by Whitesnake

If you know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams, then this could be your anti-valentine anthem. For the hardcore lone-rangers of love, the drifters born to walk this earth alone, Whitesnake has got you covered.

10. It Ends Tonight by The All-American Rejects

When darkness turns to light, which it's doing outside my window at this very moment, it's time to say goodnight. But before I do, let me leave you with the quintessential song for that good old-fashioned all-American heartbreak. You know, the kind of heartbreak that leaves you with the need to rock out with your heart out and then go bake yourself an apple pie. And there's really no one else to turn to after an all-American heartbreak but The All-American Rejects.

Well, there you have it, folks. I hope you enjoyed my anti-valentine love mix and I wish you all a very anti-ordinary Valentine's Day!

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