Love (is for) Suck(er)s

15 Reasons Why: Love (is for) Suck(er)s

# 1 Sleep to Dream, Fiona Apple -

When I was 23/24 years old I followed my libido (which was attached to a narcissist at the time) around the country. I learned a lot. For one: following a wild dream is easy - it just means staying awake enough to deal with receipts and travel time and being willing/able to speak to anyone about what you’re doing. For two: “first you run like a fool just to be at my side, and now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide” is the most perfect lyric for the betrayed. The lyric line is from Sleep to Dream, Fiona Apple’s power anthem of heartbreak and disgust, full of feminine power in all the right ways. Number 1 on this anti-valentine’s day playlist could be one of MANY Fiona Apple tracks, but I reckon Sleep to Dream is best.

#2 Sugar High, Coyote Shivers / Empire Records Soundtrack -

The soundtrack version of this ditty, with Renee Zellwigger’s blond bombshell character singing, is supreme. Empire Records is a movie about a rag-tag group of sexually charged pals committed to good music - which means a commitment to ALL the emotions. If you know me, you know I live for the 90’s culture of optimism. In Empire Records, the punk attitude of defiant hope rings out in the final rooftop performance of Coyote Shivers’ "Sugar High". The song tells the story of “another groupie slut” and quickly points out that “sometimes reputations outlive their application”. It’s about getting high on sugar/sweetness, so it actually may be a PERFECT Valentine’s Day song... Still, something feels particularly anti-Vday about the themes in the song, the movie, and the line “sometimes fires don’t go out - when you’re done playing with them”.

#3 Different Drum, Stone Poneys, Linda Ronstadt -

Oh, Linda! The beauty! The voice! The spirit! And in this melodious track, explaining so well how to say No Thanks to an advancing suitor, she is teaching us all how to let someone down easy… Let’s say an attractive so-and-so is angling for more of your precious time and attention; the truth is always best. And if your truth is that you’re not looking to couple-up, perhaps you could borrow Linda’s words: “I ain't sayin’ you ain’t pretty. All I’m sayin’s I’m not ready for any person, place, or thing to try and pull the reins in on me.” Valentine’s has been synonymous with “monogamy propaganda” since the 1950s, but modern love is more interesting, more nuanced, more intense - and invites modern* depth. *when I say modern, I’m talking about Linda’s era, the late 60s, early 70’s. Now in the future, some 50 years later, Valentine’s is about reminding your family you love them, reminding your BFF you love them - most importantly, reminding yourSelf that you love you! Reminding yourself that you have a brain and you do not need to be shackled by outdated visions of pink and red candy boxes (a GREAT marketing ploy for confectioners) or ANY amount of pressure to couple-up is a great Valentine's tradition.

#4 I'm a Ramblin' Man, Waylon Jennings -

I’m not a man. But I have been a ramblin… The song boasts of the singer’s journey around the US - through Mississippi, New Orleans, California, Virginia, Ohio, Chicago, and Alabama. Well, I’ve been to all those places too; seen musical stages and met musical fans in small and big town scenes. “They call me [...] of joy” some places and I bet some folks “little heart(s) won’t be the same” in others... Course, I wouldn’t warn against messing around with me; that’s where all the joy and changed hearts come from (from messing around)... I suppose the pride of this song makes it quite loving. The lyric “Don't mess around with ANY ol' ramblin' man” implies that perhaps specific ramblin’ “men” are better to mess around with than others. I have DEFINITELY found that to be TRUE. But outside of that caveat, the song is a general warning against messin' round; no “Be Mine” candy hearts are gonna keep this singer (or this writer) from ramblin' when the spirit takes hold. Sorry / not sorry, Valentine's.

#5 long txts, Lubalin -

i love a lower case title. something about it just screams earnestness. This Lubalin* jam is a way better song than "You Never Call Me On My Cellphone", Drake - yet it evokes the same troubled heart digital age ballad-ness…. Why oh why in this age of digitalia, can’t you just communicate with me the way I want you to? The crooning wish for a call on one’s cellular device or the lament of the long texts you wish you hadn’t sent ( / wish you hadn’t read) is a definitive new aspect of modern courtship. To put a pin in it, I’ll just say: digital communication is part of romance for many now, and it is not for the faint of heart. *this viral sensation popped with his original musical-making of an inexplicably dramatic Fbook marketplace convo.

#6 You Don’t Own Me, Lesley Gore -

Perhaps the only TRULY anti-Valentine’s day song on this list. You Don’t Own Me is a proclamation and ode to the basic human right of self-sovereignty. It gets messy in relationships - a culture of consent means I need to ask my fiance if it’s ok to touch him. Frankly, that doesn’t always happen. I reach my arm out to lay it on his leg instinctually; it’s part of what drew us together in the first place: our physical yearning for closeness…. But we have a commitment and understanding and discuss our feelings, so we know each other’s parameters for touch. And we hold space for each other to, frankly, do what we want. We don’t practice ownership, but on Valentine’s day (and throughout life?) I suppose he’s mine and I’m his… We play this song to remind ourselves of the boundary lines of possessive love, sung gloriously by Lesley Gore. Just LOOK at her face in the album picture for this track (above) and you'll see the math of 1 picture = 1M words REALLY checks out.

#7 Life is Confusing, Longhorne Slim -

This song's symple refrain: “Life is confusing, and people are insane.” Nothing could be more true or good to hear if Valentine’s blues grab hold of you. Did they not text back because they don’t care?? Or Did they send me a selfie cause they’re secretly in love with me??? Or Why did they say that one thing that one time that I can’t stop thinking about? Mental chatter that has to do with attachment for another does well to be quieted with this sweet song. In the end, we can all take solace in the reassuring thought “...people are insane," and I mean all of us, in one way or another...

#8 Hang Me Up To Dry, Cold War Kids -

I am exasperated at how much I enjoy the pain of love. I love love. It tears people apart sometimes because not everyone knows what they really want, doggone it. In my youth, I felt rifts of lovers shifting; I danced around it and in it. I have cried some good cries. More often than anything else, these days, I resonate with the Cold War Kiddos. “You’ve wrung me out too too too many times” - it’s sort of like saying “put a fork in me, I’m done”. Love changes after throwing up one’s hands - it changes into something more surprising and exciting than one can imagine when their hands are still wringing, pointing, even clapping…. The song talks of stains and colors blending - a metaphor for the identity shift that happens when in relationship to another. After the wash, one thing is certain, everyone’s gotta kinda dry out on their own part of the line. (There’s an extended metaphor there... if you’re up for it.)

#9 Feel the Way I Want, Caroline Rose -

This ultimate FREEDOM jam has such good anti-Vday lyrics, I’m just gonna list em here:

“Everybody so quick to stand up

And say you gotta try to stay together

Gotta ask yourself, is this really what I wanted?

Everybody so quick to sit you down

And say try to be cool about it

But baby watch me freak out

Gonna feel the way I want to

Feel the way I want to

Feel the way I want to feel”

Word.

#10 Castin’ My Spell, Johnny Otis + Marci Lee -

Love is magic. And by that I mean, it takes a craft, a way of evolving with another and evolving with one’s own mind. The Fiona Apple tracks I play that remind me of big bad past betrayals and pain are gratifying, but they don’t blast out the memories. Rather those songs strengthen the sense of self within the memories. To release the memories, has taken some witchcraft. It's an effort to make sure I don’t project my past reasons-to-mistrust onto my current love life. So I put a snake in a pot (and a bunch of other fun words Johnny Otis swoons) and sing along “I'm castin' my spell on you, you'll never never be untrue”. “I put a spell on you”, Screamin Jay Hawkins - does a similar number for my psyche. Course, both songs are about faux control over another, which is pretty warped... which is why it makes for a zinger on an Anti-Vday list.

#11 Tear You Apart, She Wants Revenge -

First, my band-name re-brand pitch: Her Desires for Restitution.

Listen, songs on this anti-Vday playlist are in NO particular order. Press shuffle and let the universe guide you on a sonic journey (one that hopefully makes your world look like Dark Side of Oz).

Tear You Apart is about the aggression of youthful attraction. “Fuck You Like An Animal”, Nine Inch Nails vibes prevail here. Puberty makes the notion of love weird, because carnal knowledge is about following the lust of physical truth, which includes desire. But post-pubescent high school folks are still learning about their bodies and desires....

Best lyric from this track? When the yearning voice says “They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do - cause there’s always repercussions when you’re dating in school” - I felt that. How it translates to the current remote education sphere? I’m not sure… but graduates of all ages can appreciate this line if they can still comprehend the experience of cliques. Also, if you’re kinda kinky, it’s not totally out of the equation to find the following lyric highlight hella hawt:

"I want to hold you close. Soft breasts, beating heart. As I whisper in your ear: I want to fucking tear you apart."

#12 Charley’s Girl, Lou Reed -

At the party, we’re all here for the good time; but sometimes, brother, you gotta "watch out for Charley’s Girl". Charley’s girl is some kind of snitch. While the song talks vaguely of warrants and someone named Sharon (who the singer is gonna punch in the face for an undisclosed reason), the kind of snitch that ruins love can vary. Perhaps Charley’s girl is the person always gossiping. Perhaps she’s causing havoc unwittingly, revealing things folks really wish she’d keep closer to the chest. Whatever she is, be cool and watch out for her: she probably does not have your best interest at heart. Having to be a little sly and on-guard DEFINITELY doesn't feel very loving… aka Anti-Valentine’s Day Song success!

#13 One Week, Barenaked Ladies -

Sharing a life with someone also means sharing personal space, pet peeves, snapping at each other when HANGRY…. This jam may make you laugh, make you nostalgic, make you puke - no matter what, it makes a point.

"Three days since the living room. We realized we're both to blame but what could we do? Yesterday, you just smiled at me. 'Cause it'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry..."

The point? 2 Parter: 1. Folks in relationships fight sometimes. And they come back together. And they laugh at their fights. 2. More to the point: it’s ALL in the timing. ALL OF IT.

#14 Down By The Water*, PJ Harvey -

PJ Harvey brings it home in so many songs. This album features the track "To Bring You My Love" as well; it's a song I imagine playing over my opus! (A visually stunning epic, akin to Dune visually, about a woman’s odyssey through time, waiting to bring her love…. perhaps to a lover, perhaps to a future life....) Since that song CAN of course be interpreted to be for a romantic interest, here we have instead "Down By The Water". This lyric line repeats again and again in Harvey’s haunting tones:

Little fish, big fish, swimming in the water

Come back here, man, gimme my daughter

It’s a watery/fiery ode to yearning for something lost, perhaps innocence - personified by the estranged “daughter” character (read as “lost youth”). PJ vocally makes the listener FEEL the loss, in danceable rhythms. 10/10 would recommend dancing around like no one’s watching to this tune... Find your inner swimming survivor. No matter the harm that’s befallen, you can demand your selfhood be returned to you, just as PJ does.

*not to be confused with the track of the same title by The Decembrists

#15 Good Kisser, Lake Street Drive -

Finally, while “sometimes reputations outlive their application” I can fully appreciate the desire to be remembered for one’s good loving skills. Rep isn't everything, but “if you’re gonna tell them everything, tell them I’m a good kisser.” Whenever I “tell-all” I vow to always report the good with the bad (I’m a Speaker for the Dead* that way)... and I sure hope “if you’re gonna tell them everything” about me - that you "don't leave out the good stuff".

*for the Orson Scott Card fans in the house.

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In conclusion.... even in the height of romance, I can be anti-Vday-tradition; and even when feeling anti-Valentine's, I can still want someone to bring me flowers and tell me I'm beautiful, cute, "the best!"

What can I say? I'm a sucker for love.

xo JRich