I Hate Everything About U

When scrolling through the vast number of songs that could easily make any Anti-Valentine’s Day play list, there is one song that distinguishes itself from many others. It encapsulates, for me, the spirit of Anti-Valentine’s Day in that it expresses very much the opposite of that lovie-lovie smootchie-smootchie garbáge that a day like Valentine’s requires. The original song was recorded by a hard-rock / heavy metal band from the early 90’s who’s name alone might start us off in the right direction for our Anti-Valentines Day celebration: Ugly Kid Joe. Their debut hit is the perfect break-up song, the perfect I’m-pissed-off-with-you song, and, in my most humble opinion, a superb candidate for the anthem of Anti-Valentine’s Day: “Everything About You” absolutely must top the list of any Anti-Valentine’s Day sentiment.

Everything About You

A similar sentiment was expressed by the Ramones in 1976. There are only two lines to the entire song, and one of them is the title of the song: “I Don’t Wanna Walk Around with You.” This is another I-don’t-like-you song, a song to add to the break-up theme. It’s a great song for a scream-along since it essentially repeats its title over and over again. My only bugaboo is that it is a bit short. I would need more time to vent, personally. Then again, what Ramones song is actually long?

I Don’t Wanna Walk Around with You

After we have expressed the initial discontent of hearts and chocolates and flowers and teddy bears and chalky chemical colored sugar, and a more pensive mood sets in, we might prefer a vibe that is a bit more chill to explore a critical detail explaining why so many of us despise Valentine’s. Perhaps it’s because Valentines’s Day might be renamed Liar’s Day, since the most common lie ever told (I love you) can typically be heard ad nauseam on the 14th. The song “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak captures the truth about most relationships. It seems that far too many people do indeed play wicked games. This is, for many of us, the primary reason why we dread spending any time with anyone on a day that celebrates and commercializes outright manipulation, duplicity, lies, and backstabbing. The refrain “No, I don’t wanna fall in love” states in no uncertain terms our only desire. “What a wicked thing to do...What a wicked thing to say...” Yup. Been there. The song wraps up with a simple truth that many of us have accepted: “Nobody loves no one.”

Wicked Game

While the next song on this list is something of a comedy piece, it actually expresses via hyperbole some of the feelings some of us might have toward those who don’t treat us nicely. “One More Minute” by Weird Al Yankovic repeats the same phrase adding subtle changes with each iteration: “I’d rather [fill in the blank] than spend one more minute with you.” Perhaps those of us with a musical talent might find enjoyment in learning the song while adding our own expressions that [fill in the blank] with a certain someone in mind.

One More Minute

Of course, there is that wonderful flavor of revenge that so few of us get to taste. Blue Monday by New Order asks such questions as “How does it feel to treat me like you do?” and “Tell me how does it feel when the heart grows cold?” There are numerous other moments we might relate to as well, such as when vocalists tell whomever they’re speaking to “I thought I told you to leave me while I walked down to the beach” and “If it wasn’t for your misfortunes I’d be a heavenly person today.” Yup. Been there as well. I’m sure many of us have.

Blue Monday [this version by Orgy sounds a bit more angry than the original version]

Another revenge song? There are so many. Here’s another one. “What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around.” How many times have I wanted to see it come back around!

What Goes Around Comes Around

How about a deliciously empowering female perspective on the revenge song? A bit of the chorus for a preview: “He slapped my face, and he shook me like a rag doll / Don't that sound like a real man? / I'm going to show him what little girls are made of / Gunpowder and lead!”

Gunpowder and Lead

It dawns upon me that this could go on for quite some time.

The flip side to this is that are also songs that can create further empowerment to aid us in our time of coming back to our senses, as we re-acquaint ourselves with reason and logic, and continue our pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, though just a bit wiser. There numerous possible entries that could be included here. However, I will limit this to songs that I find particularly empowering, though not always addressing love specifically.

While I do wish I could share some of the lyrics with you (as I did above), I get the sense that it might be too risqué to share even the title of this song (consider the community rules). In fact there are numerous elements of this song that are sooooo wrong. But remember that we are not here to judge, having been judged ourselves [hence the reason why we’d opt for Anti-Valentine’s in the first place]. I’ll take that chance and leave you with naught but the title song of a song by Frank Zappa: “Broken Hearts Are For Assholes.” Enjoy!

Broken Hearts Are For Assholes

More generally, however, when we really want to get over something (not just the person who made us feel like burning anything in the shape of a Valentine’s Day heart), we sometimes feel better after raising a little hell. The song Raise Hell by Dorothy might assist us in such an endeavor. The chorus, again, gives us a sense of the adventure we might seek to undertake: “Somebody gotta, gotta raise a little hell / Baby drop them bones / Baby sell that soul / Heaven fare thee well / Somebody gotta, gotta raise a little hell.”

Raise Hell

The one song, however, that functions best of all, for me anyway, celebrates the hope that we underdogs could not survive without. I Still Believe, originally by The Call, encourages us to never give up on finding our own version of fulfillment: “But I still believe / I still believe / Through the pain / And through the grief / Through the lies / Through the storms / Through the cries / And through the wars / Oh, I still believe!” It also identifies itself with the listener, especially those who might be feeling beat down: “For people like us / In places like this / We need all the hope / We can get / Oh, I still believe”

I Still Believe - cover by Tim Capello from the film Lost Boys

Rock n roll, or heavy metal as the case may be, may not be everyone’s thing. The power of genre is that indeed does wonders for built up tension or aggression. One song by Motörhead expresses an idea that we might have discovered after having been disappointed with our fellow humans, particularly in matters of “love” or whatever: that we cannot depend on anyone. In fact there may be few things we can depend upon. For Motörhead, rock n roll was one thing they could depend on. “Well here, babe, look at you in love with someone else / Turned out like all the others, leave me by myself / That's how it works I guess, and you like all the rest / Guess I can handle it, if that's the way it is.”

Rock N Roll

Alas! for there are so many songs to add to our Anti-Valentine’s Day playlist. There are so many, and I have not the word-count to include them. So to wrap up, and for honorable mention, I leave you not with a song, but with some stand-up comedy by Mr. Lewis Black. He pretty much explodes on Valentine’s Day in a way that only he can. If you really hate the day of hearts and chocolates and flowers you will want to have this in your playlist. Sure, it’s not a song. But it absolutely belongs in every Anti-Valentine’s Day playlist.

Valentine’s Day