Steve is a Detroit native with a passion for helping. He owns a holistic healing company, and works as a researcher. He is currently writing two books on holistic healing.
Open/Closed (pt. 2)
I've decided to continue documenting the progression of our open marriage here. I'll be updating it in near real-time. The past few days have been rough for me. I already talked about how the open marriage inadvertently brought to the surface a few of my own insecurities and shortcomings, but another one I wasn't necessarily prepared for would be the change in dynamic that inevitably happens - less time and attention between the two of us.
I’ve realized lately that I do not know how to relax. Seriously. I’m not just saying this. If I spend more than 5 minutes sitting on the couch reading or watching tv, I start to get anxious. My mind starts to race with all the things that I should be doing instead (i.e. cleaning, cooking, taking the dogs for a walk, etc.). Then, I get up off the couch, get angry with my self that I can’t just relax, and then go take a nap.
A few months ago, my husband and I decided to open up our marriage. We have been together for over 11 years, married for 7. In theory, it's a great idea. Who wouldn't want to have some no-strings-attached fun with someone and then come home to your husband? Isn't that the dream most guys have? I thought so, too.
The concept of "enough" has been on my mind lately. When one thinks of "enough" they typically think of "I've had enough to eat" or "That's enough" - something to signify that they are full, or have reached their limit. So then, emotionally speaking, one can have "enough" of something as well. "Enough" of the annoying co-worker, or a child begining for a toy. But what about when we look at ourselves, when will we be "enough" for ourselves? I for one, don't know. All I know is I am not "enough" for myself.