A Letter To Myself
Dearest Michele, If you are reading this then the year is 2021. I know you're scared. Because that was me. I'm writing to tell you that everything is going to be ok. It may not seem like it all the time but I promise things will work out like they do every time.
2020 Musical Wrap Up
The music that got me through the year. I swear this is always the story of my life. I have always had a severe love of music. Its gotten me through so much. Years, months, classes, moments. Music has been that one best friend that never made me feel guilty for whatever I was feeling.
Villains of Christmas
Its 11:20PM and I'm the Grinch who ruins Christmas. Apparently because its a holiday I'm supposed to let our daughter have as much candy as she can eat. I said no. What I said didn't matter it seems. Why? Because its fucking Christmas. I want to pretend that it doesn't hurt my feelings when I get called the fun sucker...but truthfully I'm not actually that good at lying. Especially about my feelings. For someone who is to scared to fully open herself up enough to write that awesome story I know is lurking inside, I'm sure good at being an open book through my face and sulky actions.
Step Mom. Its the awful terrible term that women get cursed with as they get blessed with the love of a child that did not come from their own womb. Its the term with such a bad reputation that fairy tales often have an easy time coming up with a villain with its mere existence.
The Struggle With 2020
Living in 2020 with mental illnesses. Talk about a wild ride. I'm a 30 year old female living with her fiancé and soon to be step daughter (every other weekend and when circumstances deem it necessary.) Many days I feel like I'm the only responsible adult in the whole dynamic. A viscous thought that I frequently feel guilty for. Other days I feel as though I'm failing more than everyone else around me. Mental illness can confuse you like that. Between financial difficulties, work troubles, and co-parenting squabbles I feel as though my brain is trying to work overtime without any fuel for even its normal work. My body doesn't seem to be doing much better than my brain either. My day to day battle just to feel like I'm surviving in the current climate seems more like a lose lose battle inside my own mind.