Lloyd Farley
Bio
Dashing, splendid, genius, awesome, and extremely humble - I am a 52 year old born and raised Calgarian, with a passion for bringing joy and writing humour, particularly puns.
Stories (36/0)
Loki
We drove out of the city to the breeder. We’d seen the photos of all the pups. They were sweet, but only one was ours. We loved him, anxiously awaiting the day we would hold him. The name had been chosen beforehand, and as we passed him between us little did we know how perfect the name would be.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Petlife
Swiss Cheese
“And it’s another goal!” Dylan shouted, “How many is that now, Swiss Cheese?” “10,” Bobby replied angrily. The kids had been playing hockey on the frozen pond, as they had been almost daily after school let out. They were close, having grown up together in the small Saskatchewan town they called home, but it did not mean they wouldn’t poke fun at one another during the game. All of them had been saddled with a nickname given in jest over the years. Tony was ‘Fall Boy’, a playful jab at his constant wipeouts. Ben, a slow skater at best, was ‘Sloth’. Ashley was ‘Princess Peach’ referring to the colour of her favourite skates. And Bobby garnered ‘Swiss Cheese’, a nod to how often he would get scored on when playing goalie. But Bobby liked playing goalie, so normally he would just take the digs in stride.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
The Orderly Eater Manifesto
Hey howdy hey, all! It has become fairly evident to me that I should… nay, must… defend myself. Not against lawsuits, or beagles, or evil hot dog vendors wielding nuclear mustard (after all, an evil hot dog vendor would… relish… that). I must defend myself against those that do not understand the ways of the Orderly Eater. We Orderly Eaters are a misunderstood lot, mocked openly and harshly by Chaotic Eaters who choose to eat that which is on their plate in total randominity. Is randominity a word? I kinda like it. I digress.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
Flaxton Falls
"What the hell, Jimmy?" Tom bellowed as he opened his car door. Jimmy was already out of his truck, looking over the damage, and replied, "I was about to ask you the same thing, you damn fool. I had the green light." Tom shook his head and angrily spit out, "No, I had the green light! You been drinking your homemade again?" Jimmy laughed at the accusation. "Not at 9:00 in the morning," he chuckled, "I ain't you." The gentle teasing snapped the tension. "Ah, it's not all that bad," Tom said as he assessed the damage, "ol' Clarise here has had worse." "Sure, sure," Jimmy agreed, before sporting a quizzical look upon his face. "Say," he pondered, "I did have a green light." "I swear to you, Jimmy, I had one as well," Tom stated. Both men looked up at the traffic lights.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
The Game
Rosie and Gil were in the middle of their daily jog. Rosie was slightly ahead, so didn’t notice when Gil came to a complete stop under a nearby pear tree. He reached up and grabbed two off of a branch and hollered, “Hey, Rosie!” Rosie stopped and turned back. “What is it, Gil…” she barely managed to squeak out before Gil tossed one of the pears at her. “Would you look at this,” Gil smiled as he took a bite out of the pear in his hand, “I found a pair of pears.”
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
The Flower That Could
“She’s here, doctor,” the nurse said as she wheeled Josie through the door. Dr. Rayman smiled. “It’s lovely to meet you, Josie,” he said warmly, “how are you today?” The young girl barely looked up as she muttered, “Good.” Anticipating Josie’s arrival, Dr. Rayman had spent the morning reviewing her file. She was a six-year-old girl, the victim of a car accident two years prior that left her legs paralyzed. Her parents tried every possible avenue available, exhausting their financial resources on the hope that some cutting-edge process halfway around the globe would help their little girl walk again. He looked at the list of procedures – seven, by his count – that she had undergone in a two-year span. Dr. Rayman looked away to wipe a tear from his eye. Children were his passion, and knowing the painful surgeries Josie had undergone at her age hit him hard. He was Josie’s last resort, as he had been for countless children before her, and he was ready for the challenge.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
A Package For Nolan
Nolan had no idea where the package had come from. He wasn’t expecting anything from Amazon, and, despite playfully accusing his wife Gloria of having daily e-shopping deliveries, she wasn’t expecting anything either. They hadn’t heard anyone come to the door. Not even Buster, the golden retriever that maddeningly barked at anyone and everything that came within the property boundaries. Nolan only found it at the front doorstep when he went out to pick up the mail.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
Charlemagne
Paul stared vacantly at the wreckage surrounding him, trying in vain to piece together what had happened. He remembered being on the deck of the whaling ship, looking at the vast ocean before him through the thin, blue wisps of smoke from his cigarette. He remembered hearing the thunderous bang from below and the searing heat that instantly scorched his back. He remembered being thrown from the ship, the sensation of flying before crashing head-first into the black sea, the panicked flailing for the surface for anything that could be used as a flotation device, and the relief of finding refuge on this large piece of the ship.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction
What Was
The field trip to the Museum of Different Stuff in the downtown core was hands-down the most anticipated of the school year, and the day had finally arrived. The hoverbus waited at the front door of the school as the eager children filed in. Once the entire class had come on board, the hoverbus ascended and gently glided away.
By Lloyd Farley3 years ago in Fiction