"Stranger Things" Season 4 Theories That Make Total Sense
SEASON 4 IS COMING IN MAY! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! A long, long time ago, when Obama was the president and Corona was a brand of beer, Netflix released an 8-episode sci-fi drama called Stranger Things. It was Goonies meets Stand By Me meets Firestarter, and every sci-fi-horror-loving 80s kid rejoiced.
Dear Hot Mess Mama Friend
You were on the brink of a full-on meltdown the first time I saw you. It was Kindergarten registration day for our kids, and Covid protocols forced it to be held outside in the kind of muggy August heat that made every step feel like wading through bathwater. The school staff was speaking to my overly-excited daughter while I stood on the sidelines, thirsty, hot, and deeply regretting my choice to wear pantyhose.
An Obituary For My Dog, Who Was a Pretty Good Boy
His Royal Highness Sir Nurmal “Buddy” Conaway died on January 5, 2022, after a brief but debilitating illness. He was either 11 or 12 in People Years — no one has ever been completely sure. Nurmal passed away peacefully in the excellent care of the veterinarian whom he tried to bite on multiple occasions. Nurmal also hated the term “Rainbow Bridge” and instead preferred that we say he is now running a successful bed and breakfast in Doggie Hell with Satan, as an homage to Season 3 Episode 24 of “The Office,” which was his second-favorite episode of the series.
“So what exactly do you want?” It is, of course, a loaded question. The list of things I want is long and complicated. I want to go back in time to when our lives didn’t revolve around the great and terrible WE. WE are so excited for Christmas. WE are hosting game night. WE love Grey’s Anatomy. I want the girl that lived above the 8th street laundromat and cooked terrible Indian dishes and had actual feelings and independent thoughts and a unique personality and didn’t care about linens or flowers or types of satin or gourmet cake tastings. I want to open my mouth and yell it all back to her. Instead, I say:
When she was six years old, Sunny Newsome watched a man die. She had just snatched five bucks from Ma’s straw purse and was hiding behind the pork barbecue truck when it happened. He dropped right there on the carnival midway in front of the World Famous Elephant Ears stall, and for a split second the world stopped. And then a crowd began to form around the dying man, and that crowd collectively stared while he sort of flopped around at their feet. Finally a woman stepped forward to help, but by then it was probably too late.
I Don't Know Your Story, But I Can Read Your Hurt
It’s my first time flying in 15 years, and I’m stuck at the Denver Airport. We’re on the third delay and fifth gate change. I was supposed to be in St. George six hours ago, and now my entire work schedule has to be rearranged via spotty cell service in a corner of the overly crowded lounge area.
A Halloween Playlist for Adults Who Don't Play
Here's the thing. I don't play around when it comes to Halloween. I could write a long, nicely worded essay detailing my spooky origin story, but that's not really why we're here. Just know that in my real life, I am the go-to Queen of Halloween.
The Most Devastating Thing a Teacher Ever Said to Me
2009 was a very bad year. At the beginning of February, I’d been unceremoniously laid off from a job I loved and spent the next nine months unemployed, gravely depressed, and slowly developing a methamphetamine habit. By the time I finally found another job, I honestly didn’t know who I was anymore.
- First Place in EmPAWyee of the Month Challenge
A Memo to My Dog, Who is Kind of a SlackerFirst Place in EmPAWyee of the Month Challenge
TO: Nurmal "Buddy" Conaway RE: Your Job Performance Dear Nurmal, It has come to management's attention that your work performance has become sub-par since your last review, and I would like to address these issues in order to better maximize your full potential and ensure a successful future with the company.