⸘jason alan‽
Bio
:::WARNING:::
i am only responsible for what i say
:::WARNING:::
not for what you understand
:::WARNING:::
you may learn to be charmed by my [secret‽] discontent
:::WARNING:::
or you may not
Stories (148/0)
up with yourself.
lilith and chiron fused by gemini, yelling from the eleventh house down, squared off with the id and the ego, and staring down desire for revolution of any scale as long as it's eternal; on my own, hansel and grettleing endless breadcrumbs and splenda in the ethers and dreamscapes until i still; realize something about this trail isn’t right. third-eye sightseeing; my soul isn’t lost just because my body hasn’t been home in a while. too otherwise occupied, busy discovering mysteries looking in the darkest of places, wide and far, low and high in the great in-between. damn near the stars- outer space and back to ground, the abyss of bottomless, defiant emotions defined- time after time after this time will be different, i can feel it. because i go wilder for how low this hopeless cause can sink. it really turns me on when you don’t spare the abuse, when you talk to me with such bitter disgust of your tongue. just like i'm trash because i'll gladly be some other man’s treasure- in alternative terms, i love me. i know when to at the very least; i'm golden. you can have my tears, but my heart just wants to be broken into even more pieces so there’s more to go around. no secrets about it so don’t tell me you think you know how i should feel. your point of view of who i am isn’t me so who you think i should be is just a fantasy, and that’s that- nothing is stopping you; yet you can't seem to take that as your own nor up with yourself. as long as you can't, your truth and the realities left behind will stay irreconciled; i am a man who can be made more whole by leaving little bits of who he isn't but wants to be in the past for who he will be to be grateful for who he was.
By ⸘jason alan‽about a year ago in Poets
+being pozitive+
i AM radical and i CAN have it all- i can create or destroy- i can make a life from truth, or fear death and lie about who i am and who the world is to me. but what i do has always been mine. nobody can change where they come from but that doesn't matter as much as where they know they can still go. i might not be sure of which way my north points anymore but this is not the mountain i want to die on alone, inching closer to the edge every day and losing my grip on why i need to hold on to believing i am a person to believe in: becuase i AM radical i CAN have it all, and i will- in every possible way- you'll see.
By ⸘jason alan‽about a year ago in Poets
If We Agree We Are In This Together, Do We Also Agree It's Not A Competition
When you bring it into question, keep these words in mind and close to home. Don't ask me for answers that only confirm your biases, looking to be victimized. If what i tell you's gonna make you crazy, or runaway, and don't let it be an excuse to shirk or shrink OUR relations. I can't stop the shame you feel, and i refuse to own what isn't mine to take.
By ⸘jason alan‽2 years ago in Poets
the answer is all in the strawberry rhubarb
are you operating cyclically, or is the modus operandi sickle-shaped, serrated in the most nascent sense? maybe the independence we fight and die for, since long before defining what a fight is, is the real thing that's killing us; endless conflict with knowing how irrelevant we are and trying that much harder to prove we are worthy while not getting too bogged down in the details; the devil actually lives and thrives in the lack of them. i want my interest stimulated, so tell me what kind of pi your favorite is? be polarizing and be as honest as you can about your intentions; embrace the possibilities in the equality of conflict rather than the history written by whom will over-power the other. we can both be right AND happy if we agree to disagree about how we're mutually disagreeable; we are together- or have i died and come back living in a Dyson? i'm allegedly omnipotent and can make you believe you've lived in Stockholm your whole life; held responsible without being allowed authority or good-faith. but i am self-aware; i'm self-defined; i am self-fulfilling; and last but not least i am excessively, equally as self-destructive. but to me there is a purpose and therefore some comfort derived from conflict and the resolution therein.
By ⸘jason alan‽2 years ago in Poets
Life Needs Death by Definition, And Nothing Really Matters; But Cookies Help Me Be More Okay with Both
Punctuate the day riding up one side of life and down the next, and really that's cause e=MC^2 and no variable equates to more that guerrilla-performance tactics. don't relinquish command, a captive audience just wouldn't survive in the wild- those of us who were raised by wolves are sure of what it feels like more than what it means. it's evermore a work in delayed progress of tomorrows and yesterdays; the beWILDered and domesticated; the reality of it and the liberties taken... the only thing i could simplify it to was something about an unstoppable force and an immovable object working in tandem to counteract the other's effectiveness. From right there and now, it's not unreasonable to reach to interpret that when left here where, even as it were, it was long lost to then be found. Listen- could you heard me, and do you still follow? The correct answer is subject to debate and the peer-review process of academics and of the law but does anybody else wonder if it's because we don't ask the right questions, or have we forever complicated the lowest common denominator to a fraction of the original simplicity!? Some things are indeed just that plain, and the fear of novelty has long since passed; the dead weight of emotions that were never mine to claim was all i needed to lose to make things seem less of a life-or-death arrangement. To whom it may concern- return to sender- from back to front while maintaining an orderly line of contesting inequalities until their breaking points, and if i can't even remember what i lost then is it really gone? and so then should it not also be back by now? or is that a paradox we just don't talk about? screaming unmentionables at each other's most defined vulnerabilities is my favorite kind of foreplay; keeps me wondering if it's love or sex we have together; and adds to the mystery of where i am accounted for on this scale. i weighed in, then i stepped down no longer wanting to or needing this to be anything to win or bust.
By ⸘jason alan‽2 years ago in Poets
Last Impressions
at long last, i can tell you what the feeling i have for you have come to: you're just a liar and a second-rate conman. you don't want anyone to know that you only exist in the facade of personalities you keep around but when you look in the mirror you a mouse of a man. so GOOD RIDDANCE to you and your kind of mean it. see right through you don't see yourself/right when your revisions are served more familiar. unhanded prime estate exchanged for the last amount of integrity any of us had, souled-out. don't give up giving in, formed with taken sub-space. time it high enough to miss the mark. we become close, intimate even; but ho very dare you look at me like you know me. i wish you could hurt me like it's my first time all over again. make it look like you're making an effort; try in the future to not forget to get lost. In nature, the house always wins in a draw so NEVER turn your back on crazy or say never. Never land from there and back again; it's not Oz or Kansas. Focus only on fabulous distractions, if possible, but anything that's not me will do, but don't dare tell me about the world the way it sees you or about your point of view. Either short-sighted or a tall drink of red flags and cautionary tales. You're less of a hot mess now than you are a raging inferno. Teach yourself at home to lessen public involuntary involvement. Which is more or less convinced of collusion? Credit unclaimed, we just share the moment. Know what nobody says is the truth. My last impressions of you are the best ones.
By ⸘jason alan‽2 years ago in Poets