Well it’s been over a year since my little family became official, and I am amazed at how much things have changed. I am still not sure I can do this on a few days, but there are a lot more days that have me stunned at how blessed I really am. Those blessing have come with lessons—some painful, some joyous.
She has been crying silently in the back seat for ten minutes. She is trying to be brave for her brother and sister, so she keeps her head down. She is confused and sad. My heart is breaking into pieces as I try to drive us home. I keep telling her that I know she doesn't understand, but she will be ok. I also tell her that her daddy loves her and she will see him again.
I am 49 years old and I am morbidly obese. Which, to put aside all of the political correctness, simply means I am old and fat. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. I am not ashamed of how I look, but I am scared about how I have been feeling. I now have three beautiful reasons to make a change, but they did not prompt my change of heart. I got my wakeup call as I sat on a gurney in the emergency room, scared because I couldn't breath and quickly realized that my size had predetermined the care I was going to get.
The thing I have noticed as I have gotten older is how crazy the holidays make us. They have become so stressful that they have lost much of their joy. This year that rings truer than ever.
As some of you may know from my previous post "Mom 2.0," I recently became the full time guardian for three of my grandchildren. I am a single, and now I am once again a mother. This can and has created some new issues when it comes to my social and romantic life.
I have been going over all of the changes that are coming my way during this next month, and I have to admit, it really does worry me. I have never been so afraid to let anyone down in my whole life. I want this holiday season to be the a good one.