Things To Remember When Dating a Single Mom

As some of you may know from my previous post "Mom 2.0," I recently became the full time guardian for three of my grandchildren. I am a single, and now I am once again a mother. This can and has created some new issues when it comes to my social and romantic life.

I had been used to going out whenever the mood hit me, and would date in much the same way. I never had to worry about anyone other than myself. A mom, especially a single mom, doesn't have that luxury. There are logistics to everything we do and everywhere we go.

My social life went from clubs and late nights to birthday parties and playdates. It does take some getting used to but it is worth it. Now, even a trip to the store for groceries takes some planning and equipment. Many times it also comes with the question "Do I really need this now?"

I have to plan for any potty emergencies, spills, accidents, weather changes, and depending on the store we have to go to, the level of frustration the environment itself will bring. To give you an example, I needed to pick up some dowels for a cabinet shelf. For most people it is a simple trip to the hardware store and moments later you are on your way.

For a single mom the trip can go like this: head in, make sure the little ones are contained in the cart and can't reach anything that might hurt them. Older children have to be reminded that they are not to play with anything and that we are only getting the dowels and nothing else. We enter the store and the yard decorations and tractors are right up front, which begins the pointing and multitude of questions from the little ones. The older children are also pointing out all of the cool tractors and despite any previous or current warnings are now attempting to climb on as many as possible. Five minutes later we have successfully maneuvered to the dowels and are getting the correct ones. Fifteen minutes later we have left the store with the dowels, air freshener, and a bag of pretzels so thoughtfully placed at the check out. This once 5 minute trip has taken three times as long and cost three times as much.

Dating comes with a new and even more hectic set of issues. Depending on how long you have known the person you are dating, you may or may not be able to have them pick you up at your house. You have to make sure you have a sitter and a pretty good estimate of when you will be home. You also have to have the budget to pay them.

Many men don't seem to understand that when you are a single mom, you can't just go out whenever they want you to. Everything has to be set up for your children and you have to be sure they will be with someone you trust and if necessary aren't picked up too late. Waking up a sleepy child can be its own problem.

If you choose to date a single mom you also have to remember that her time is limited and she may not always be able to give you all of her attention all of the time. Don't take it personally, remember that she is responsible for the lives of her children and their happiness is her priority. Most single moms rarely put their own needs first, so if she is willing to spend some of her "me" time with you, you need to recognize its value.

Please remember we may have to cancel on short notice because our children need us, or because something came up and to cover it we have to work extra. We feel guilty for missing our time with you, and we also feel guilty when we have to miss time with our children.

Patience will be your greatest skill and will at times, present some challenges for both of us. If you are willing to accept that you are not always the priority in her life, and to understand that by choosing to invest her time in you, she is taking more time away from her children. She is doing this because she believes that you are worth the time and the sacrifice.

Keep in mind that a single mom comes with their own set of challenges but if you believe she is worth dealing with them, it will be worth it. She is loyal, caring, and worth all of the time and effort you put in to it.