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revelry and request

my 200th creation

By Heather HublerPublished 5 months ago 3 min read
Top Story - November 2023
43
Created with NightCafeStudio

two hundred words...

.

what lies between

the first and last

is just a bit of f l u f f

cotton spun

white lies woven

heartache strung

like cobwebs

across the miles

and memories

that separate

a patchwork of emotion

stitched over

months and days

hours spent perfecting

imperfection

.

forty gauntlets set

one a lone survivor

two hundred stories told

and not a winner

in the bunch

6 - 3 - 7

dial in to watch me fail

on repeat

.

not sure you care

not sure I do either

.

layers peal away

with every loss

exposing my fetal self-esteem

curled upon itself

unable to shield

unable to sustain

the burden

of propping up

the lame duck

my shredded ego

really just lame

.

the 100th was empowering

fills me with strength and awe

to read it again and again

yet 100 more have followed

and inspiration

and dedication

waver, sunk low

a banner lying on

brown earth

.

do I celebrate?

do I embrace

the lackluster

success?

.

I do.

.

because I'm still here.

thriving surviving.

despite life.

.

there are many

that have shared and shown

kindness through this

turbulent journey

some dear friends

some less known to me

but no less wonderful

.

I celebrate you.

.

I celebrate us.

____________________________________________________

I've finally reached the big 2-0-0!

And I'm celebrating with a conflicted heart. Honestly, I'm shocked I put myself out there two hundred times. There are moments when I feel invincible, brash and unapologetic with the words I bleed on the page. But most of the time, my gut is clenched, sick with worry that I wrote absolute trash and no one will enjoy it. So many minutes wasted hovering over that 'submit for review' button.

But the truth is, whether anyone else cares or not, I like what I write, the words I choose, the research I get to do, the characters and worlds and emotions I get to explore. And I won't apologize for trying.

Yet I still wonder if I should keep going.

I have a dream (as so many of us do) of writing novels. I've also expressed before that reading is one of my biggest pleasures, and I want so badly to bring that joy, that escape to others. I'm not sure if I've got it in me.

I want to have confidence, but I don't want to delude myself into thinking I've got the talent if I don't. I can't tell. I haven't won anything on the platform. I haven't had works chosen that were submitted elsewhere. So, is it that I lack the ability? Am I just not there yet? Or will I never be there?

It's hard to ask.

On some level I don't know if I even want to know, if that makes sense. And then my practical side kicks in telling me to find out, not to waste my time any more than I already have.

I've heard from so many writers that they can't help but write. That is not quite me. I do love to write, but reading is my main passion. Which is why I waver, dangle my legs on both sides of the fence. I could read more if I wasn't writing, lol.

I guess I need to clarify 'writing' by meaning fiction writing. I adore and need the emotional outlet of poetry now, and the interviews are so much work but completely worth getting to spend time with other creators that I'll probably keep publishing both. However, I am speaking strictly of that tricky beast, fiction.

The joy in that for me comes from seeing others enjoy it, be moved by it, become thoroughly invested. I want you to be surprised, brought to tears, burst out laughing, speed read to get to the end kind of invested. I want to bring all those things to the experience and more.

So please tell me honestly, what are your thoughts? Based on having read my fiction works, would you be inclined to read a novel by me? I know this puts friends on the spot, but I trust you all to be kind about whatever it is that needs said :)

(Well, this piece took an unexpected turn but it is what it is, ha! I apologize if this looks like a desperate bid for flattery or false praise. It's not. I really want to know. I'm tired of beating myself up over this.)

I'll finish up this milestone poem/dedication/rant by thanking everyone for just being you. The generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness and sheer talent of all the wonderful people on this platform and in the facebook groups is second to none. So thank you!

Much love,

Heather

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About the Creator

Heather Hubler

Reading/writing/science/family=life

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Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insight

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

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Comments (30)

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  • Denise E Lindquist5 months ago

    Congratulations on your top story!! 🎉🎉🎉

  • Tiffany Gordon 5 months ago

    Gurl, you've got it going on. End of story... Your work is a blessing! 😍

  • Novel Allen5 months ago

    I doubt everything that I write. I will hover over the deep hearted ones for days, afraid to submit. Then I say, do or die....submit. Write because you love it, expect nothing more than the delight and joy you feel in the written words. it stings when new people appear and get the accolades and the faithful ones toiling away feels left out. It is my hobby and i enjoy it. It is a choice only you can make, start that book, it will make you feel a lot better.

  • Kristen Balyeat5 months ago

    Heather...Heather...your work is simply INCREDIBLE! You MUST MUST MUST keep writing. It would be a massive loss, not only for us, but for the world, if your voice were to stop. If you write a novel, guaranteed I'm buying it and telling everyone I know to purchase and read! Dig deep sister, and see yourself as the incredible writer and human you are! Don't let doubt strangle your creative fire—grab that shit head by the throat and show him whose boss. lol! I LOVE this piece so much! Congrats on 200- that is a massive accomplishment! Sending love and huge hug! xoxo

  • Grz Colm5 months ago

    Please have courage as I think you are rad and hilarious Heather and even though I haven’t been following you for too long I’d hate for you to stop via discouragement. Yes you are still here because you are a fighter… a writer fighter lol! “A patch work of emotion” and “Perfecting imperfection” love that second idea! These were my most favourite lines in your reflective poem. Loved your honest comments at the end too..maybe just let your keyboard tapping, or handwriting (like me) take you naturally where you need to go .. “Don’t think, just do”… advice that I always struggled with hahah. Best wishes sent your way!! 🤗

  • My sweet looney partner, come here, I wanna give you a big bear hug! ❤️ Now, to answer your question. You know how much I love your stories! I love your characters! Mari, Heath, Sazo, Aerin, Mallory, Oliver, Midnight, Tae, Stalone and many many more. Your stories are part of me, my fear friend. Not only a novel, but I would read whatever you write even if it's just a reminder note! I love your writing. I've always said this and I'll say it again, not placing in a challenge doesn't mean your writing ain't good enough. It just goes to show that the judges have poor taste. I'm serious! So please, always keep writing 🥰

  • Admittedly, I had to go back & refresh my memory on your fiction writing as what sticks most clearly in my spotty memory are your poems & interviews. "Maelpris"--no sooner had I begun rereading it than I began to remember how you held me in that moment of agony, knowing what was coming the moment I read "lake", & still capturing that sense of falling through emptiness with no hope in sight as you realize your world will never be the same again. It didn't matter that I remembered all that within the first few words. Your story--the way you told it--brought me to tears again. Heather, you are a writer, a gifted writer & storyteller, with the skills & talents to be great. So you haven't managed to connect with the curators & algorithms on Vocal to win a challenge (beyond your runner up & a whole lot of Top Stories). You have connected with us & moved us beyond words. More than that, you have lifted us up with your interviews, comments, & attitude so filled with grace & encouragement. I don't know if you need to write, Heather. But you should never doubt that you most certainly can write--both powerfully & well--& the rest of us are better for it.

  • Lamar Wiggins5 months ago

    First off, Yes Yes Yes, keep writing. You've created and shared, now it's in your blood, I think that means you don't have a choice. Seriously though, I base others success in writing on whether I can remember things they wrote and I for sure remember the ones you wrote that had the biggest impact on me. I still can't believe Oubliette (I think that's how its spelled, lol) did not place. It was absolutely perfect!!! Let's see, there was Lucky number 9 and its sequel. Both spectacular!!! They show versatility and how deep your imagination is willing to go in order to wow the readers. And then of course there is the first story I ever read of yours, "In the Dead of Night" Coming from someone who doesn't really do horror, this story was 😮😮😮. Once again, it shows versatility. And then there was your Purple clouds at midnight Entry. Sorry, can't remember the title but I do remember the story and the impact it had on me and all the other readers, so yeah you have the gift, keep sharing it! I love the photo you created for this post. It's elegant and appropriate for celebrating 200. Congrats, Heather! 🤩

  • The Dani Writer5 months ago

    Man, I really liked this! I saw my reflection at points in your sharing and I REALLY appreciated that! I struggle with wanting to curl up with actual books and read the rest of my days away, but I also am drawn to write. And my finger too hovers over that 'submit' button. Sometimes, I backtrack multiple times. Fiction is a beast. Sometimes, one slays it and other times it slays you. I too question myself, but I wonder if my connection to fiction will always be warped now...because...of Tom 😥 I struggle to read long pieces of text online, so I can't read many fiction stories. Actually beneficial for me to have hard copies. It sounds like maybe you need to see some quantifiable professional development, and that for writers is always a good sign. Consider taking a short course, or in-person workshop, or teach one specifically on what you enjoy, with a new community of writers. It might offer you fresh insight, growth, confidence, and mountain fresh air that your lungs are craving. I am taking my own advice and putting together a poetry workshop, shaky hands and all.

  • Sarah Danaher5 months ago

    Very relatable and congrats on top story. It was very true and difficult to get to that many stories. It is a world of those who don't believe just keep persevering.

  • Donna Fox (HKB)5 months ago

    Well that was deep and relatable and all too familiar!! I love this piece by you, I think if you believe in yourself, then fuck everyone else and their opinions. JK Rowling was rejected 13 times before HP was printed, all she needed was to believe in herself and persevere and I think thats all you need too!! Find an idea you are passionate about and run with it! As a fellow Heather, I feel like this self doubt might be woven into our DNA and the self reflective skills at not wanting to become too full of ourselves too! But as I said before, this is your era of self confidence and all you have to do is take the keys and drive that bus!! 💚

  • Brin J.5 months ago

    You want to know when I thought you'd make a wonderful writer? The Runaway Train submission with the amateur spy (can't recall the name off the top of my head- it had a number in it- but I know the main image was binoculars or something). Hopefully, you know which one I'm talking about. 😅 I even remember my comment. Your protagonist had fallen and instead of jumping right back up, she complimented the rug. I laughed so hard that I spat up my coffee. Heather, that was over a year ago. Maybe even going on two. Most of the time I can't even remember a book I read a month ago. That was the day I saw your potential and every time I read something new from you, I only become more in awe by how incredible your talent has grown (I didn't think you needed to improve, to begin with🤗) I'm sad to hear you haven't won anything. I seriously thought that story about the spy was going to be a winner or at least a runner-up. My heart hurt for you when it didn't get selected and that's when I started thinking maybe Vocal judges just have specific tastes. I don't want you to feel doubtful of your skills, and I know compliments don't fix anything, but they do remind us who's out there cheering us on <3. I hope you know I've always been your cheerleader.

  • Cathy holmes5 months ago

    Good lord, you suck! Oh, come on. You had to be expecting that. 🤪 You know how I feel about your writing, but just in case you forgot, yes! I would definitely read your novel. You're a great writer, my friend. I read the comments below, and I want you to as well. I mean REALLY read them. Listen to what your peers are saying about you and don't judge your worth on challenge placements. I'll add an extra "Hell yeah," to Scott's and Jason's comments. You are great. Never let doubt convince you otherwise. ❤

  • Joe Patterson5 months ago

    Congratulations dear friend, so proud of you. You deserve this.

  • Moe Radosevich5 months ago

    what could be more appropriate than Congratulations X 200, and a most excellent revelation of the milestone, awe let’s make it 201, Congratulations H2 ❤️

  • Davina Zinn McKee5 months ago

    My unbiased thoughts as an outsider: I’m in a creative writing program with an extremely low acceptance rate, so all my peers are unquestionably talented—and that isn’t enough. Most of us have won awards, or been published at least once. That doesn’t mean we’ll ever write a book people who don’t know us will buy. You must have something original to say. Doesn’t matter if you write academic papers, love poems, or slipstream novels. Of course honing your skills to be technically good is important. But that’s only enough to get you hired as a content writer. Think of it this way: when you choose a book to read, from all the choices you have, is it because you think that author can write? Or because the book blurb stands out as a must-read, one-of-a-kind story you’re dying to know more of? If you want to make it out of a slush pile, or entice readers who are not your friends obligated to support you, write something no one else would ever think to write—at least not in that way. We’re all individuals. You just need to dig deep, to the part of you that you likely don’t want anyone to see, and then expose yourself. You obviously have the drive. Congrats on 200.

  • KJ Aartila5 months ago

    Absolutely, yes! Your fiction is outstanding, with its depth and emotional draw. It's gorgeous and unique, as it should be! And congrats on 200 and Top Story!

  • Paul Stewart5 months ago

    Just. Said. It. Congrats, pal. Yer a writer and congrats on Top Story!

  • Paul Stewart5 months ago

    I have not looked at any other comments...other than Kenny's plea for you to keep writing. This is something we've moaned about together at times - the am I good or not, thing? Would I read a Heather Hubler full-length original piece? I hate to tell you, because as a long-distance friend I know how easy it could be mistrued as me just being nice, but yes, 100% I would. You are a fine writer, Heather, your characterisation is always great, you can weave a tricky plot and put a whole bunch of passion into writing. I love your poetry because it taught me to be open and just bleed. I feel I don't give you credit enough for that. On the challenge front, I know it's a bit awkward, because of my recent win, but think of the 510 pieces I have and just one win. Not really much better statistics. That is not an indication you should stop writing. You should not stop writing. Have I made that point clear, Heather? Don't stop. I think we all procrastinate and worry about our talent. We've be nothing short of narcissists and full of ourselves if we didn't think "is this really any good?" and my Nano is going shockingly badly lol, just dropping that in there. So you are not alone at all. I often hate my writing...often love it. Mostly post it regardless. Also, congrats on 200 amazing pieces, I know there's plenty for me to catch up on but I know they will always be 100% you and that's what makes them standout. Congrats on this being Top Story soon!

  • Gerard DiLeo5 months ago

    You like what you write? Then, you're a great writer. (I like what you write, too.)

  • Babs Iverson5 months ago

    Without a doubt, you are a writer and your peers are waiting for your novel. In a conflicted state of mind, the issue has nothing to do with writing. Sensing positive vibes and virtual hugs!!!💕❤️❤️

  • Kenny Penn5 months ago

    Please please keep writing! I truly enjoy everything I’ve read of yours, so yes, I would be thrilled to read a novel you’ve written, and quite proud. As far as Vocals challenges, I wouldn’t worry about them. They are fun to enter but it’s the same people judging them. Have you heard of Reedsy? They have hundreds of challenges from various websites you can try, and you’ll get various results depending on judges. For instance, my story, “The Elmoar Tree”, made it to the final round for the vocal awards, but the original competition I entered it to on another site didn’t even make it past the first round. 🤷 What matters is that you are good!

  • JBaz5 months ago

    Apparently the letter o wrote you hasn’t sunk in…..YES you are a writer I would read if you published a book. I keep trying, and have yet to even place, like you I feel some of my work is or was good enough, while I chuckle at some of the crap I wrote. We will never hit a perfect story 100% of the time. You Write it , tell me about it and I’ll buy it. You have a way of writing fiction that grabs the reader and makes them feel they are in the story, or can relate to the characters. Once more I’ll say this….YES Heather, you are a writer.

  • J. S. Wade5 months ago

    Yes! And Yes! Some clarification for you… If F Scott Fitzgerald or Edgar Poe entered a challenge there’s a huge chance they wouldn’t place or win. For an entry to do so it must thread a path of curators, final parsing, and a short list that is solely a narrow opinion in that moment and space. So, do not judge your ability by challenges rather accept the feedback of your peers as truth that you are a great writer and can accomplish whatever you seek. I would read.

  • Hannah Moore5 months ago

    I think most of us must have asked similar questions of ourselves, many times. And I find it hard to answer because lately I don't read novels. I LIKE reading novels. Or I liked reading novels. Lately, the combination of concentration span and time sparsity is not favouring the novel but I trust it'll still be there, at another stage of my life. But with all that said, yes, I think I would.

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