Great Works of Literature - Vocal Style
Subtitle Required
In addition to my endless complaining about the absurd word count minimum for story publication on Vocal I also take issue with the nonsensical subtitle requirement. No matter how much I think about it, and it is actually way too much, I cannot for the life of me imagine what potential justification there could be to require every article or story published here to have one. This includes the poets community by the way. A poem with a subtitle is not a thing I even thought existed until I started publishing here. A story without a subtitle cannot even be submitted for screening by the censorship board (sorry I mean submitted for review to the moderators) without one. Can you imagine what the world would have been/be like if this were an ironclad rule of writing and literature, and had been since the beginning of the written word? Luckily, you don't have to as I have imagined it for you below. Normally I would have ended this introductory section right there. Right at the period after the word below. However when I had completed the piece and checked the word count I noted it was nowhere near 600 words. So, after a round of curses, head slaps, and sighs I had to think of a way to stuff more words into this crap fest of an story and the following was the best I could come up with. What you are now reading are the thoughts currently emanating from my brain. In other words you are reading the words coming out of my head currently, totally unfiltered, exactly as I experience them in my head, at this very moment. Or, I guess, actually for you the reader, it will be at some later moment but hopefully you take my meaning. Now, can you imagine having to live with this person 24/7 365 days a year. Ouch, right. Welcome to my world. Do you think I have hit 600 words yet? I am gonna say no, probably another one hundred or so to go. See how I typed out the word one hundred instead of using the numerals one and zero and zero. Smart right? And then I did it again in the sentence right after the first one. I could have typed out the numerals as numerals each time but that would not have padded my word count in the same fashion as fully typing out the words that the numerals stand for, or is it the numerals that stand for the words? Hmmm. That's a weird thing to think about isn't it. Which stands for which? Six hundred and ten. Nice.
Moby Dick
The Tale of a White Whale
or
A White Whale's Tale
or
A Whale of a Tale
Homer's The Odyssey
Not Homer Simpson, the Other One
Madame Bovary
A Guide to Pubic Hair Styling
The Divine Comedy
A Not At All Funny Account of Life in Heaven, Hell, and Everything in Between
The Catcher in the Rye
A Book for High School and College English Classes
Heart of Darkness
Apocalypse Now
David Copperfield
A Magician's Guide for Learning to Survive Challenging Encounters with Distress and Misfortune
The Count of Monte Cristo
A Swashbuckling adventure featuring a quick and easy sandwich with ham, turkey and swiss slices, dipped in an egg/milk mixture and fried to a golden brown
Lolita
A Perverts Guide to Middle Age
Catch-22
Yep, This is Where That Came From
1984
Vocal.media's Homework Assignment
About the Creator
Everyday Junglist
Practicing mage of the natural sciences (Ph.D. micro/mol bio), Thought middle manager, Everyday Junglist, Boulderer, Cat lover, No tie shoelace user, Humorist, Argan oil aficionado. Occasional LinkedIn & Facebook user
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Satironic Meta Magical Realism
Narrator's preface: The writer who is the protagonist of the below story includes an author's preface in many of his written works. Generally these are full of psuedo intellectual clap trap that sounds intelligent at first blush, but upon closer inspection is actually nonsense. He was not available to provide an author's preface in this case telling me that he was busy "inventing a brand new genre of writing" which he had dubbed satironic meta magical realism. And there you have it, a perfect example of what I meant with that intelligent nonsense comment. Apparently he was doing this in order that he might produce a story he could enter in a writing contest for some two bit website nobody has ever heard of much less cares about. I told him good luck and offered to dream something up to cover his author's preface for this "story." His fan base which consists primarily of persons recently released from or soon to be committed to a mental institution, prisoners, hobos and homeless vagabounds get very agitated when he fails to include an author's preface in any given story he writes. Of course they also get agitated by anything anyone else considers normal. Ah well. Enjoy the below, or don't, it's no skin off my back either way.
By Everyday Junglistabout a month ago in Writers
Gratitude For Life
The last time I laughed so hard that my belly hurt was ___________ Rupi Kaur's Gratitude Writing Prompts When I was 24 and going to a women's support group we would laugh, I would go home with a sore face and sore sides. Why? I wasn't used to smiling or laughing. After a few months of doing that, I never have a sore face, sides, or belly from laughing as I laugh enough.
By Denise E Lindquist7 days ago in Writers
Comments (1)
Okay, I'm stealing this... 😐😑😍